Amy: Teddy, I don't want to be with you.
Teddy: But you want to be with him? You guys have nothing in common.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Tell that to William Atherton the man we both consider to be the second-best Die Hard villain.
Jake: [gasps] She meant it.

Jake: I'm still not sure who the second-best Die Hard villain is, though, you know? Probably Jeremy Irons. But maybe it's Timothy Olyphant, or it could be William Atherton.
Amy: Definitely the last one.
Jake: Right?
[current:]
Amy: No, I really think it's William Atherton.

Captain Holt: What the hell is going on?
Jake: I can't let you quit.
Captain Holt: Yes, but why the candles and rose petals?
Jake: Wuh-oh.
Amy: Is that Mr. McClane I hear? 'Cause someone's about to Die Har- Oh, my God. Why is Captain Holt here?
Jake: Because he's gonna- Wait, are you dressed like Bonnie Bedelia in Die Hard?
Amy: I am.
Jake: For sexy reasons?
Amy: Yes.
Jake: Oh, boy.

Amy: Okay, well. I've been planning this wedding for the last six months. And if you told me yesterday everything that was gonna go wrong, I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER. But I'm here, and I've never been happier. Life is unpredictable. Not everything's in our control. But as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. But I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
Jake: What?
Amy: Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.

Jake: Yeah, that wasn't a fight. That was just sexy workplace banter. Exactly. I mean, mattresses are also sexy 'cause that's where you do it.
Amy: Yeah. And grammar is a system of language involving syntax and semantics. Also sexy.

Jake: So I marked all the corners where taxi has been spotted on this map. You'll probably notice right away that it makes the shape of a boob.
Amy: This looks great. Confirms Devon's story. He says his dealer hangs out here, in the underboob.

Captain Holt: I want you two to go undercover as a couple to stake out the room. You should be very convincing, given that you're currently what was it? "Smooshing booties."
Jake: Great, and thank you for saying it that way. It made us both feel very comfortable.
Amy: Sure did.

Jake: But I know you'll be excited, because I busted Devon here with four vials of this, which is a new drug called-
Amy: Taxi! You actually found some?
Jake: Yup. Your CI was right. It's popping up on the corners.
Amy: Man, my snitches are the best. The key is to always send them handwritten thank-you notes.

Amy: So, how do we keep it light and breezy? I know. A comprehensive set of rules.
Jake: How am I attracted to you? Doesn't matter. I am, go.

Teddy: No, actually, I think you should stay, so we can all talk about the real reason there's a problem in my relationship with Amy, which is you, Jake.
Jake: Buh... what now, huh?
Teddy: About how you told her that you liked her before you went undercover.
Sophia: You liked Amy? Um...
Jake: I did, but that was many moons ago.
Teddy: Was it? 'cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and every time you would, she would get "confused," and then our relationship would get "out of sync," and if you ask me, I think it's because Amy liked you back.
Jake: Did you?
Amy: Maybe. Yes. A little. I mean, I was confused. And I really need my laptop right now.

Rosa: So, listen, I've been timing your contractions.
Amy: What? How? I've been hiding them so well.
Rosa: No, you have not.
[flashback:]
Amy: There's too much radio chatter. Let's try to keep non-emergency communications down to a... [groaning, snaps clipboard] .. minimum.

Amy: Status update: I called in every officer I could. I green-lit double shifts and overtime. We're coordinating with the 9-6 on traffic control. We haven't processed anyone, so there's a backlog of perps on the third floor, and I have to go to the hospital because my water broke.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're having a baby? Amy, this is so wond...
Amy: [screams]
Sergeant Jeffords: We can just catch up after the baby comes.
Amy: [exhales]

Amy: We should have all ambulances on call. I want an open line of communication with DOT, and I want someone from the DA down here so we don't get cases thrown out. I need a pair of sweatpants, and check again on that status update from ESU. All right, go go go!
Rosa: What do you need the sweatpants for?
Amy: My water just broke, which reminds me, we should be prepared to distribute emergency water and food.
Rosa: Your water just broke?!

Amy: I'm just at the start of my labor. I haven't even had my first contrac... [moaning] ...tion.
Rosa: Was that a contraction?
Amy: No. That was just a crazy yawn.

Gloria: Wow, five hours. This is the most exciting contest we've had. Of course, the incident last year was exciting, but we all know how that ended. [inhales]
Amy: No. We don't.
Gloria: Right. Because of the gag order.