Captain Holt: Oh no, something's wrong here.
Amy: What, you think this punk is lying, partner?
Captain Holt: No, something is wrong in my intestine due to the street meat. We must go now.

Amy: Sir, we could find a public bathroom.
Captain Holt: No, this is a very private emergency.

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Captain Holt: Huh. Meat from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Hah. I'm a poet and ... I didn't even know I was rhyming those words. But it happened anyway.

Captain Holt: I know they say it's not good to have a TV in the bedroom. Which is why I don't.

Jake: Also, I wanted to thank you again for giving us this half day.
Captain Holt: Yes, of course. I understand how important these extravaganzas are. I'm sure you'll have a hoot.
Jake: Oh, yeah. Though I'm sure our hoots pale in comparison to the hoots that you had back in the day. I bet things got supes hoots.
Captain Holt: Actually, I wasn't privy to those events. As a gay black man I was excluded from most social gatherings.

Captain Holt: I do envy the camaraderie they shared. I've always wanted to josh around with my peers.

Captain Holt: All right, Peralta, I'm sick of you wasting time. So, yes, I spilled some minestrone on my pants and I'm sitting in my underwear. Happy?

Jake: Just look at us. Three people with pants on having a normal conversation.
Captain Holt: Yep, no story here.

Rosa: I've been working on a letter to send him.
Captain Holt: Yes. I saw a draft of it on your desk.
Rosa: What did you think?
Captain Holt: It was so horrifying I had to destroy the whole pad.

Captain Holt: Do you know I love milk?
Gina: Uh, no.
Captain Holt: Well I do, but it hurts my stomach. So I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. Nineteen milkless years I've gone, but for some reason I can't quit Kwazy Cupcakes.

Gina: So stop playin!
Captain Holt: But I'm just about to enter Sprinkle City.

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Jake: I always talk about smart stuff. You know, the jazz age, what's in a name, the 1950s movies that are from the '50s.
Captain Holt: Those were the categories on Jeopardy last night.

Jake: Gina has brought back all the silverware that she stole from your house.
Kevin: What?
Rosa: Also, this clock.
Kevin: Good heavens.
Captain Holt: This isn't ours.