Jake: What's the best moment of your life?
Sergeant Jeffords: My wedding day, tied with the day my babies were born.
Jake: Compared to this, those memories will be garbage.
Sergeant Jeffords: You don't know what you're saying.
Jake: Because I'm not married and I don't have kids, right?

Jake: A real man doesn't run from a challenge. I mean, do they run from the bulls in Pamplona?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes. That's the whole point of it.
Jake: Seriously? That seems lame.

Jake: Now I'm telling my friend how you killed that guy.
Perp: It was for love.
Jake: Cool motive. Still murder.

Jake: I was hoping that my best man duties would be all whisky and cigars, but this is Charles we're talking about so we've got two straight days of wedding planning, plus he gave me this to prep, "Fancy Brudgom". It means fancy groom in Danish. According to Charles, the Danes throw the most beautiful weddings in the world. And the most violent funerals.

Jake: There he is. My groom!
Charles: Hello my big, beautiful BM.
Jake: Best man. Just best man is fine.

Jake: Come on. Show me what you got.
Charles: Fred Astaire. Gene Kelly.
Jake: Liberace. Diane Keaton.

Charles: Vivian got a job in suburban Ottawa. She wants me to retire from the NYPD and go with her.
Jake: Retire? We're supposed to die on the force together. Me in a big explosion and you committing suicide at my funeral out of respect.
Charles: I know.

Jake: I have a sexy voice!
Champagne.
Mountain range.
Hugs.

Jake: How many times do I have to say it? She's like a sister!
Charles: That's what Luke said about Leia!
Jake: Hey, Luke didn't know. No one knew!

Jake: I'm gonna make a great dad.
Amy: Not even going to touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago story.

Jake: When it comes to shooting patterns, I like to go PB&J. Penis, Brain, Jaw.

Jake: Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time. But then I'm like "boobs, farts, boobs, whatever".

Jake: I think I figured out my persona for this year's Tactical Village. Introducing "Rex Buckingham", British secret agent, ballistics expert, ladies man.

Jake: I am playing a character: a no-nonsense detective whose only goal is to set this course's record. His name is Vic Kovak, he's an ex-Navy seal who was double crossed and left for dead.
I don't want to go into his backstory.

Charles: Guys, this is my wedding. This is important to me. No more jokes.
Jake: You're right and we're sorry. We love you buddy. Warts and all. Sorry, I made a rash decision. I was itching to say it. Okay, I'm done.