Jake: I can't believe a real person has agreed to marry you.
The Vulture: Oh, my lady's real, all right. Her name is Jean Munhroe, and we complete the living hell out of each other sometimes twice a night.

Amy: Really? You once told me that marriage is for women and gays.
Jake: And that the only thing you're married to is banging married chicks.
The Vulture: Yeah, and I meant it all. But love? Love hath changed me.
Jake: No it hathn't. You just vultured our venue.
The Vulture: Yeah, but I did it for love. My fiance, she means everything to me.
You know, she's hot like a chick, she's smart like a guy. Just talking to her gives me a Harrelson.
Amy: Harrelson?
Jake: Woody.
Amy: Ew.

Jake: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What's your game here, Vulture, huh? Why are you renting our venue?
The Vulture: Why do you think, meat farts? I'm getting married.

The Vulture: Ah, there you are.
I got something real special for the two of you.
Amy: Great, what do you got?
The Vulture: A month from today it's my birthday. I need you to throw me a party, all right? Make it epic. Surprise me.
Amy: Are you asking us to plan you a birthday party?
The Vulture: Yeah, Helen Keller.
Pay attention.
Rosa: Did you choose us because we're women?
The Vulture: Women love planning parties. It's in the Bible.

The Vulture: I'm going to stop you right there. Hugs are an inappropriate form of workplace touching. Trust me. I'm very familiar with the sexual harassment guidelines. That'll be all.

The Vulture: Busted! I knew you were faking it. I bet you don't even like nip slips.

Madeline Wuntch: And after all your so-called detective work, you didn't even get the right guy.
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond-
Captain Holt: It was an error, but-
Madeline Wuntch: Do not interrupt me.
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.
Seven times, once for every day your juicy, insubordinate ass is suspended.
The Vulture: Same goes for you, Peralta. Except for the juicy ass part, because your ass is stupid.

The Vulture: Look, I know I've become that gross, sappy guy, but dude, she's the first chick I ever wanted to hang out with post-bang.