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Quotes from ‘Greg and Larry’

Greg and Larry

Greg and Larry
Season 3, Episode 23 - Aired April 19, 2016

After a surprising turn of events in the Nine-Nine's attempt to track down Adrian Pimento's (guest star Jason Mantzoukas) hitman, the precinct drops everything when they suspect Holt is in danger.

Quote from Rosa

Bob Annderson: I know Figgis, and you're in far more danger than I. He's coming for you. And I guarantee his soldiers find this place.
Rosa: Not gonna happen. I rent it out under a shell corporation.
Jake: Yeah.
Rosa: My mail goes to a P.O. box in Queens.
Jake: Yeah.
Rosa: My neighbors think my name is Emily Goldfinch.
Jake: Oh, yeah.
Rosa: People I work with all think my name is Rosa Diaz.
Jake: Yeah -wait, what?
Rosa: Don't worry about it.
Jake: Okay.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: We can go to my apartment. No one knows where I live.
Sergeant Jeffords: I thought you had Amy over there once.
Rosa: Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Why'd you do it, Bob? Why'd you betray everything you ever stood for?
Bob Annderson: I spent 14 years bringing down a Mexican cartel. You know what they gave me for it? A letter of commendation with my last name misspelled.
Captain Holt: In all fairness, Bob, who spells "Anderson" with three Ns?

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: He's crashing! Push 10 ccs of corticosteroids, plus prep an ER for surgical decompression! Look, I don't know what any of this means, but I feel like Sandra Oh.

Quote from Charles

Charles: What about me? What if something happens to Jake, and he never gets to meet my baby? I don't want to hang out with some stupid baby who's never met Jake.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: White rice, brown rice. Those are just some of the rices I love.
Bob Annderson: Mmm.
Captain Holt: Also basmati.
Bob Annderson: Mmm.
Captain Holt: Uh, that's all of them now.

Quote from Scully

Jake: H is for Holt. He's leading us right to him. Now all we have to do is follow the trail of chocolate.
Scully: This, this is why I became a cop.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Wait, getting a text. It's Captain Holt.
Rosa: Where is he? What'd he say?
Jake: "Inib rue tiid." Wait, I'm getting another one. "Ink obrvs whiz." These are nonsense.
Scully: He's been gagged.
Jake: How would that come through in a text, Scully?

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sir, I'm gonna need you to cut the power for Rosa Diaz in apartment 410.
Building Manager: 410 is Emily Goldfinch.
Amy: Who?
Building Manager: Curly black hair, always smiling, a little chatty for my taste.
Amy: I have so many questions, but there's no time.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Come on, come on, Captain, pick up. Your friend Bob is secretly working for Jimmy "the Butcher" Figgis. This is a call you're gonna want to take.
Rosa: Bob must've done something to him.
Jake: Or maybe they're talking about something super boring, like potatoes or beans.

Bob Annderson: I should've known Agent Whelan was dirty. There were signs. He wore a V-neck once.
Captain Holt: Bob. You did nothing?
Bob Annderson: It's my greatest regret.

Quote from Captain Holt

Bob Annderson: Would you mind getting us some food? I can't fathom eating these candies that Peralta bought us. Chocolate is the devil's carob.
Captain Holt: And carob is Satan's raisin.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Gina said Holt is still in the building.
Jake: But where? I have to get into their heads. Woo.
"Bob, what are you doing?"
"I'm breaking the law, Raymond, because I'm the worst. Now walk out of this room as if nothing is happening."
"You'll never get away with this, Bob. Jake is on his way. He's a great cop, and he's going to save me."
"Really? He seemed so immature."
"Yes, he seems that way, "but I know the real Jake. He's like a son to me. And when this is all through, we're going on a road trip together."
Rosa: Jake!
Jake: Rosa, shh! I'm working on the case right now.

Quote from Charles

Charles: We're not going anywhere. The flight is booked, and there's already a huge stand-by line.
Amy: What? We have to get on that plane. Were you stern?
Charles: Amy, you know I wasn't.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: When I die, please give Kevin my regards.
Bob Annderson: What shall I tell him?
Captain Holt: "Regards."

Quote from Jake

Jake: Come on, Bob. What are you doing up here? Why are you on the roof? Oh, my God. You're gonna zip-line off of this thing like an American ninja. That is such a cool escape plan!

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: We have to call for backup.
Bob Annderson: Figgis has people in the NYPD and the FBI. So good luck with that.
Captain Holt: Wow, betraying the FBI is one thing, but sarcasm, Bob? Wow.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: So we can sneak out like this, but what about Bob?
Jake: Not to worry. I've got that covered. Hitchcock. And, yes, he is bound and gagged under there, but more importantly, you said, "What about Bob?" That's the name of a movie. Holt made a pop culture reference. All right, let's go.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: His cerebral blood circulation is infarcted. Get me an ICP catheter, stat!
Jake: Wow, that was amazing, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: I watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy." That show's surprisingly accurate.
Jake: Yeah, the one episode I watched, there was a bomb in the guy's butt.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, that's a good one.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, fine. Take Bob with you into the panic room. Rosa and I'll find another way out.
Captain Holt: I'm sure you will, son.
Jake: [gasps] You called me "son." No take-backs.

Bob Annderson: Regardless, I figured if they're not gonna give me any respect, I might as well get paid.
Captain Holt: Was it worth it?
Bob Annderson: Of course. I made millions. I traveled the world. I've eaten whale.
Captain Holt: I always assumed whale would be too fatty.
Bob Annderson: Well, I don't have to assume. I know for a fact it is. It's disgusting. I threw up.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: You've been played, Bob. It was all a ruse. You don't work with Jake Peralta for three years without knowing what the "Funky Cold Medina" is.
Jake: Aw, hell yeah. I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?"
Captain Holt: He said, "Funky Cold Medina".
Both: Funky Cold Medina.
Jake: Zero rehearsal.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'd like to propose a toast. Even when Bob held that gun to my head, I was not afraid, because I knew you were on the case. I respect the hell out of each and every one of you. Nine-Nine.

Quote from Captain Holt

Bob Annderson: Actually, I was gonna throw Raymond over the side and make it look like a bird-watching accident.
Jake: Oh, please, do you think anyone's gonna actually-
Captain Holt: It's genius. There's a red-tailed hawk roost a block away, and I've got a pair of micro binoculars in my pocket, like a fool.

Quote from Amy

Amy: And Jake I haven't seen him in weeks, and it's been so hard. I love him so much.
Oh, my God. I've said "I love you" to him before, but I've never added "so much." What if I never get to say "so much"?

Quote from Scully

Hitchcock: All right, listen up, buddy. You're gonna tell us where it is.
Scully: And also what it is. We're a little unclear what we're after.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'll go down to the cafeteria, see if I can't scare up some untoasted bread.
Bob Annderson: Yum.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: This is bad. This is really bad. Where would Bob have taken Holt?
Jake: I don't know, the library? Or an index card factory? Is there such a thing as an accounting museum?

Quote from Jake

Jake: We got to get to the hospital, and we got to get there fast.
Hitchcock: Then I should drive.
Jake: Why you?
Hitchcock: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.
Jake: Okay, let's do it.

Quote from Amy

Amy: So while I'm happy the Supreme Court threw out my conviction, I'm also really sad to be leaving all of you. Bethany, I know you're an arsonist, but now it's time to set the culinary world on fire. Sheila, you have the voice of an angel. Whoever your next music producer is, maybe don't stab him. Jen, you're a Nazi. We never really clicked. Stay innocent, ladies.

Quote from Hitchcock

Jake: That's weird. There's a smudge on this sign right over the H.
Hitchcock: There's a smudge on this H too.
Jake: Oh, my God, why would you touch a hospital thing and then put it in your mouth?
Hitchcock: It's chocolate.
Jake: Great instincts. Never doubt yourself.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I've got this. Holt's in danger, and that lady's in my way. Never get between a teacher's pet and her teacher.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: No chocolate smudges in this entire parking garage.
Jake: Or on floors one through five. We're officially lost the trail.
Hitchcock: Unless- No, that's not chocolate. What is that?
Jake: What? Don't eat it again!

Quote from Scully

Rosa: Scully, these look like the weird texts you always send.
Scully: Touch screen phones don't respond correctly to my fingers. It's because I've been electrocuted so many times.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Oh, God bless you, Scully, and your weird, dead hands. You and Hitchcock are killing it!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Nice timing, Sarge. How'd you know we were up here?
Sergeant Jeffords: Captain marked the Hs in chocolate, which I instantly connected to the giant helipad H we're on right now.
Jake: Oh. Cool. Cool, yes, we also solved that. Came straight up here to the roof. We didn't wander around even for a second. We're all smart.

Quote from Gina

Jake: All right, look, a bunch of sketchy, black SUVs just pulled up outside. Either it's Figgis's guys, or Beyonce stubbed her toe.
Gina: Don't even joke about that, Jake. That would be our new number one priority.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, we're on our own. We got to get Bob out of this hospital and to a secure location, someplace the NYPD doesn't know about. Captain, you're a grown-up; let's just use your lake house.
Captain Holt: For the last time, not all grown-ups have lake houses.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wow, Sarge, you are just stuffed into those scrubs. How do you do it?
Sergeant Jeffords: Exercise and diet. It's not that hard.
Jake: Eh, seems pretty hard to me. I don't think I'm gonna do that.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sorry, working is the only thing keeping me from worrying about the squad and completely spiraling.
Stewardess: Hot towels?
Amy: For the billionth time, no! We don't want your boiled rags!

Quote from Charles

Charles: Look, why don't we just take our mind off everything? We're in first class. We get free movies.
Amy: What? No. We can't enjoy ourselves while the squad is in danger. That's not fair.
Charles: Amy, we're trapped here for three hours. There's nothing else we can do.
Amy: Fine, I'll watch a movie, but nothing we'll like too much. No new releases.
Charles: Of course not. We'll just put on whatever's first alphabetically. [gasps] "27 Dresses."

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Oof! Nice. Bedpan to the face!
Jake: That's what this is? Ugh, I put my hands in it.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Wow, Rosa. This is how you live?
Rosa: What were you expecting?
Jake: I don't know, rock walls, weapons everywhere, a waterfall for a door I guess I was just picturing the Batcave.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Why do you need a vase full of lemons?
Rosa: The room needed a pop of color.
Sergeant Jeffords: Who are you?

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: If you turn on him, we can get you into witness protection. You'll get a nice, little house somewhere in Florida.
Jake: I think you'd love Florida, Bob. I've never actually been there, but Pitbull's videos make it seem muy caliente.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can't lose Holt. I've barely scratched the surface of the amount of approval I need from him.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I am so sorry we yelled at you. But we will take those sundaes to go. And I don't care if you don't have a lid. Y'all make a lid.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: I'd prefer not to ask you again.
Bob Annderson: You sound desperate. I'm under your skin.
Captain Holt: The only things under my skin are oil glands, hair bulbs, nerve fibers, blood vessels, and a bit of fatty tissue.
Bob Annderson: You forgot about Ruffini's corpuscle. [laughing] Oh, my God, you're rattled. Checkmate.
Jake: I don't think that was as vicious a burn as he thinks.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, Bob. You want to play hardball? Good. Word on the street is, you like jazz.
Bob Annderson: I don't just like jazz; I'm fond of it.
Jake: I don't understand the difference.

Quote from Gina

Gina: All right, mister, here are five stories about my cousin Lee-Ann and her alleged Lyme disease.
Bob Annderson: How's that gonna make me talk?
Gina: Not everything's about you, Bob. I just needed to vent. God, you're such a Lee-Ann.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Rosa: That's the last of the candles.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is that multi-wick? [sniffs] Am I smelling basil and tangerine?
Rosa: It's called "Summer's Kiss".
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell is going on with you?

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Captain Holt: We have to get out of here, and we have to get out of here now.
Rosa: It's cool. I have a panic room.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes! There's the Rosa I know. "Summer's Kiss" my ass.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: How will I know to open the door? When you hear me knock the "Funky Cold Medina."
Captain Holt: I don't know what the "Funky Cold Medina" is. Even context clues have failed me.

Quote from Jake

Bob Annderson: Who are these people?
Jake: Oh, well, this is my best friend, Charles, and this is my girlfriend, Amy. She's not really pregnant. We're taking things slow, but it's going really good.

Quote from Rosa

Bob Annderson: Well, what happened in here? It looks like there was a fight.
Rosa: Oh, it was me. I was done with this place the minute you all stepped foot in it.

Quote from Jake

Amy: So Charles and I really got into it on the plane, and around sundae number five, I realized we should move in together.
Jake: You and Charles?
Amy: No, you and me.
Jake: Oh! Yes, that makes so much more sense. Absolutely, immediately, let's do that.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Smart. This is a good hiding space. Scully, why are you lying down?
Scully: 'Cause there was a bed here.
Jake: You took your shoes off!

Quote from Charles

Amy: Jake called. We need to get back to New York right now.
Charles: No, no, no, no, no. You can't just leave. We may need some of those contacts in the future. You're gonna go say good-bye, and you're gonna mean it.

Quote from Charles

Amy: All right, let's go. Okay, let's go over our exit strategy one more time. Seat 2A is gonna need help with her bags. She has twig arms. So if she blocks us, I play the pregnancy card. And remember, leave our luggage and-
Charles: Roll the dice with lost and found. I know; I've been studying this map you drew on the barf bag for 40 minutes.

Quote from Charles

Charles: You okay?
Amy: Yeah, yeah. I'm just so into the movie, you know, really worried about Katherine Heigl and her dressmaking business.
Charles: I'm sorry, dressmaking business?
Amy: Her architecture firm? Her cupcake bakery? [sighs] The magazine she edits?
Charles: Jane is the executive assistant to an outdoor lifestyle entrepreneur. You're not even watching!
Amy: I'm spiraling.
Charles: Ugh, I knew it. If "27 Dresses" doesn't distract you, nothing will, nothing will.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Figgis' men are everywhere, and now there's hospital security at all the exits. How are we gonna escape?
Jake: Relax. There's a million ways to get out of a hospital unnoticed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Name one.
Jake: Dress up like babies.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Well, you put me on the spot.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, you brought it up.

Quote from Charles

Amy: Excuse me. Two more sundaes.
Stewardess: Oh, we've already begun our descent, so we've suspended our food services.
Charles: Oh, I'm sorry. Are we still in coach? Or are we in first class where the rules don't apply?

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, here we go. Captain's about to lay into him.
Captain Holt: You need to tell me where the file is.
Bob Annderson: I'm sorry, Ray. I'd rather not.
Jake: Okay, not the dynamic start I wanted, but I'm sure he's just getting warmed up.

Quote from Gina

Jake: Did they find Figgis?
Captain Holt: Not yet, but they're confident they will. And when they do, Detective Pimento can come home.
Rosa: Can't wait. I'm gonna eat his face off.
Gina: You guys are so cute.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Oh-ho, Terry took you down!

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