Quotes from ‘Return to Skyfire’

Return to Skyfire

'Return to Skyfire' - Season 5, Episode 8

When Terry's favorite author, DC Parlov (guest star Fred Melamed), returns to the precinct because his latest manuscript was stolen, Terry and Jake convince Rosa to go undercover with them at a fantasy fiction convention to find the culprit. As drama ensues between Parlov and another writer (guest star Rob Huebel), Terry admits that he's been writing a book of his own. Back at the precinct, Holt, Amy and Charles take a forensics course, but Charles' big mouth gets him in trouble.

Air Date: November 28, 2017.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Jake, guess who just called me?
Jake: The Jerky Boys. They're back!
Sergeant Jeffords: No. What? No.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Why are you so excited? You don't care about those stupid books.
Jake: I actually did read all of them in prison. They are the greatest books I've ever read, and I've read "Cujo."

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: Fourth favorite?
Rosa: Three was plenty. So was zero.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I can never get into any of this crap. I think the reason is because it's garbage.
Jake: Rosa, I think if you just gave it a chance, you would get hooked. I mean, what is it that you do in your free time that's so cool?
Rosa: Fix up old cars and sell them to celebrities. That's why I'm friends with Tom Hardy.
Jake: Right, so we agree that we're all equally cool.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Real diverse diversity panel.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Terry, you are a great husband, father, detective, painter, dancer, and you're so jacked you have muscles on your back.
Sergeant Jeffords: Everyone has back muscles, Jake.
Jake: Nuh-huh, my back looks like the inside of a spoon.

Quote from Captain Holt

Charles: Hey. The desk sergeant said we're hosting a forensic sciences course.
Captain Holt: Yes, taught by Dr. Ronald Yee.
Amy: He revolutionized the field of forensic entomology. He is a rock star.
Captain Holt: Oh, please. Rock stars wish they were he. The man can tell how long a corpse had been decomposing just by studying the maggots inside. I'd like to see Barbra Streisand do that.
Amy: I'm not sure Barbra Streisand counts as a rock star, sir.
Captain Holt: She sings in English. That's rock music.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Yes, you can, but here's the thing: if we do well at this course, we receive board certification, which makes us eligible to receive a grant to open a field lab in the precinct, but-
Amy: Eh, but whenever we have a speaker come in, you kind of tend to always derail these things with personal stories.
Charles: That's how I learn. I relate course material to my experiences.
Captain Holt: Subjective learning. Millennials. (eyeroll)

Quote from Jake

DC Parlov: This is my room, right over here. Listen, I need just a moment to clean up. I had a female visitor in earlier today dressed as Concubina. She got smears of green body paint all over everything. Everything.
Jake: He was talking about his penis.
Rosa: I know, Jake.
Jake: He pulls, Rosa. He pulls. That's all I'm saying.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Don't worry, I got this. Nobody sucks up like a Boyle. Our scoliosis allows us to bow more deeply than normal people.

Quote from Charles

Charles: My cousin Torvald is a hemophiliac, and his wife is a leech farmer. I say "wife," but it's a common-law marriage. For the longest time, Boyle wedding ceremonies were not recognized in the state.

Quote from Jake

DC Parlov: We both have books coming out this fall, and we have a rather public bet about whose is going to sell better. I believe he's leaking my manuscript online just to hurt my sales. You should arrest him.
Jake: Well, we're not going to do anything until we've seen all the evidence.
DC Parlov: If this book fails, that's the end of "Skyfire."
Jake: Let's go take this son of a bitch down!

Quote from Jake

Landon Lawson: Parlov is my enemy, but he's also his own enemy, because he's such a boring and repetitive writer. He just keeps killing off characters, resurrecting them, and killing 'em off again.
Jake: Because of the Chrysalis Orb! Uh, sorry. Police officer, on a case.

Quote from Charles

Charles: We buried my Nana Boyle at the family farm, but because of the soil's high salt content, she turned into jerky.

Quote from Charles

Dr. Ronald Yee: Now, I need one person per group to have a plaster cast made of their head.
Captain Holt: Uh, will he or she Be able to speak?
Dr. Ronald Yee: Not while the plaster's on, no.
Captain Holt: I vote Charles.
Amy: Charles.
Charles: I was gonna vote me, too. I mean, I know the plaster can dry out your skin, but as a Boyle, I'm aggressively moist.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Well, Moorgil is the only person on both Parlov and Lawson's lists of potential enemies. Apparently, they each slept with his wife.
Rosa: How do these guys do so well with women?
Jake: Oh, I'm sorry they don't live up to your superficial standards of male beauty, Rosa. I'm kidding. It's because they're rich.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Relax. How bad could it be?
Jake: So bad, and I'm entertained by everything. I once went to a play.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: So what are you gonna do about Parlov?
Jake: I don't know.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't know what?
Jake: Uh, how to do sex good. How much should I be flapping my arms around?
Sergeant Jeffords: Not much.
Jake: Right. Well, that settles that. I knew that Amy was wrong.

Quote from Amy

Dr. Ronald Yee: Where's your friend? Shouldn't he be here for the plaster removal?
Captain Holt: Something came up, so he had to remove the mask, which came off quite easily, and run out.
Amy: It was urgent police business. Bunch of kids are being held hostage, so he had to go deal with that.
Dr. Ronald Yee: Oh, well, if you need to leave to provide him with backup-
Captain Holt: No, it's a teachable moment.
Amy: The children can handle themselves.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Captain Holt? Your husband's on the phone. He wants to know how long you're going to kiss for tonight?

Quote from Scully

Scully: Your husband didn't really call. I wasn't sure what gay guys talk about on the phone. How'd I do?

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: Terry, do you copy?
Sergeant Jeffords: I copy.
Jake: Seriously? You're still mad at me?
Sergeant Jeffords: All I said was "I copy."
Jake: Yeah, but you had a tone. Just admit it.
Rosa: Let it go, Jake.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, he's right. Terry had a tone. Terry had a big-time tone.

Quote from Scully

Captain Holt: Boyle's not in the interrogation room.
Amy: He couldn't have gotten far. He can't see.
Scully: You can go a long way on muscle memory alone. One time, I sleepwalked to the M&M's store in Times Square.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Boyle, it's us. Where were you going? Why would you leave that windowless supply closet we locked you in? Ah, yes, hearing it, I understand why.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Ooh, did you hear that? He loved it. D.C. Parlov loved my writing! You were wrong!
Jake: And being wrong never felt so right. Oh, that sounded cool. Did I just make up a hit song? "Being wrong never felt so right With the Addams Family staying up all night" Yep, I was right. It's a hit.

Quote from Jake

Jake: "Well, they stole their own books It's plain to see But who's on the case The Addams Family. Terry is Gomez, I'm Cousin It, You are Wednesday, let's do this" - Okay, we should go.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Yes, they're mortal enemies, which is why they think we'll never suspect them of being in cahoots. Oh, but they cahooted, Rosa. They cahooted all over us.
Rosa: Gross.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Why'd they leak their chapters?
Jake: To get people excited, like when Carly Rae Jepsen puts out an amazing single, and you have to wait six weeks for the album to come out. She's great. I'm not apologizing.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Gah! Now I have to tell Sarge that his fantasy novel stinks. This is the hardest part of being a cop.

Quote from Captain Holt

Dr. Ronald Yee: Captain, I thought you said your friend removed his mask and left.
Captain Holt: I forgot to lube up his face.
Amy: We failed to listen to the instructions.
Dr. Ronald Yee: That is incredibly careless.
Captain Holt: I know, and it means we won't receive our certification, and I'm okay with that. Unless my honesty-
Dr. Ronald Yee: No, it's off the table.
Captain Holt: And I'm okay with that.

Quote from Charles

Dr. Ronald Yee: Well, anyway, RFLP testing was designed to localize genetic disorders, and it-
Charles: Ooh, my cousin Donna has a genetic disorder where her lips were made of cartilage, meaning her mouth is technically a beak.
Dr. Ronald Yee: I don't see how that pertains to anything-
Captain Holt: No, let him talk. I want to hear it. Boyle, tell us about your cousin's beak.
Charles: Well, she runs marathons to raise money for other people afflicted with "bird-face." There are only two of them. They're her kids.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: You figured it out.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I had a gut feeling, so I went digging. I got a warrant for Parlov's browser history. He searched "how to liquidate Bitcoins" three days before the laptops were stolen.
Jake: Man, I bet that browser history was a nightmare, huh?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, you have no idea.
Jake: Yeah.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Wait, let me ask you a question. Are you a better cop now than when you started?
Scully: Nope.
Jake: Wasn't talking to you.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: I look back at my old cases and I can't believe how long it took me to figure things out.
Jake: Yeah, but you worked on it, and you kept working, and now, 12 to 40 years later - I don't have a good sense of your age - you're a great cop who got a "gut feeling" and solved a huge case.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: So you think I should keep writing?
Jake: I mean, you might not become a huge famous author, but you'll get better, and if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. Sheryl Crow, she's great. I won't apologize.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: And who knows? Claire Essalgorn didn't start writing the first "Crimson Portal" novel until she was 60. I started reading it because the character looks like me. I kept reading it because it's so good!
Jake: Rosa, you did get hooked, you big nerd.
Rosa: This heroine is my heroin.

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