Jake: Brace yourselves. You're about to look into the face of pure evil.
Captain Julie Kim: Ah, good morning, good morning, good morning. I'm Captain Julie Kim.
Charles: And I'm Chuck. If you want results, stay the hell out of my way. [tosses coffee cup]
Captain Julie Kim: Okay, wow, I guess I know who the office badass is.

Charles: Jake, piece of advice: just give up. It's the Boyle way. It's why our family crest is a white flag.

Sergeant Jeffords: Did you just give away your magic jacket?
Charles: Oh, Terry, it wasn't the jacket. I realize now that Chuck was in here. I've had another man deep inside me this whole time.
Sergeant Jeffords: Welcome back, Charles.
Charles: Oh, right away? It was the jacket.

Jake: Boyle, gather everyone up.
Charles: Oh, we starting a burn book about Holt? Let's drag him, baby!
Jake: No, someone saw our hoodie guy.
Charles: Right, we'll do the burn book later.
Jake: Attention, everyone, we have a possible sighting of our shooter on Hoyt Street. Detective Boyle and I will take Alpha unit. Smith, Fox-
Charles: You guard the burn book.
Jake: Charles, no.
Charles: Stand down.

Charles: I can prove it. Look up "Brooklyn detective attacked by birds." You'll see an article with a photo of me.

Charles: I can't. I dwell on everything. I'm a dweller. I wake up every morning, I'm worrying about the Zika virus. Why is nobody talking about Zika anymore? There's no way it fixed!

Rosa: Hey. So you know how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, then we tried to make it work, but the distance was too much and we broke up again?
Charles: No. The last thing you told me about yourself was that you were bi.

Charles: Well, the groomsmen are having a great time. Jake just texted me about where to get a veal tongue.

Jake: Did you unbutton another button?
Charles: Eyes up here, Jake. So, did you learn anything, or were you just staring at my body the whole time?

Charles: No, there's no one in my life. *wink* Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now.

Charles: You talking oldest bags? Sixty-eight.
Amy: That's not that old.
Charles: No, but I was only twenty.
Jake: Were you even a cop then?
Charles: No, man. It was before I got into the academy.
Rosa: Charles isn't talking about his oldest arrest.
Everybody: Ew!

Gina: Yeah, but what's his body like on a scale of Charles to Terry?
Charles: Sorry, buddy.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? I'm the ten!
Charles: Sure you are.

Charles: You guys have been down here for two hours. What, did you have sex forty times?

Charles: Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?
Rosa: Hmm, seems cool.
Charles: Yeah, seems cool, I agree.

Adrian Pimento: Look, I've caught enough arsonists in my day to know that the owner always does it. Chuck, how's the truck been doing?
Charles: Pretty terrible.
Adrian Pimento: Hmm?
Charles: I was just saying, it's a miracle it burned down.