Charles: This is so frustrating. There's no way of knowing who has the plaque.
Captain Holt: Amy and Rosa have it.
Charles: What? How do you know?
Captain Holt: Diaz usually favors her left leg, but after "zero dark pizza," she was suddenly favoring her right.
Charles: Yes, yes, which means that she was...
Captain Holt: You trailed off and didn't finish speaking. Continue.
Charles: I don't want to.

Charles: Bone broth! It's an old Boyle family recipe. I drink it after every workout, and I'm never sore.
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle, I don't think we're maxing out at the same weight at the gym.
Charles: Oh, Terry, they're just numbers. You'll get there.

Charles: And I'm sorry I said you'll never be a dad. You will be, and you can make it happen tonight. Just go to Amy and make sure afterwards that she holds her knees to her chest for at least-
Jake: All right, I think I'm good on this.

Amy: All right, as the highest ranking officer not trapped in a box, I'll take charge.
Charles: Uh, shouldn't you be taking it easy? Your shift's over. You're on maternity leave. As the baby's Chee-Chee...
Amy: Charles, I'm fine, and this is an emergency. Subways aren't running, and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street. So I'm gonna call Mounted Division to help with crowd control.
Charles: But that's Sergeant Peanut Butter's unit. No one wants to work with that condescending dick.
Amy: Okay, first of all, he's a horse, so he can't be condescending.
Charles: Ugh, oh-ho, he's got you people fooled.
Amy: Secondly... He's a lieutenant now.
Charles: What?! How?!

Jake: Amy Santiago, put down that melon, for you are about to feast your eyes on one of the most delicious cases in the NYPD. I don't like the personality I've chosen here.
Charles: I do. You sound like Caesar Flickerman welcoming new "Hunger Games" tributes to the Quarter Quell.

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle, you got your bank robber?
Charles: Went home last night, no overtime, just me and some brie, and I cracked it.

Adrian Pimento: Look, I've caught enough arsonists in my day to know that the owner always does it. Chuck, how's the truck been doing?
Charles: Pretty terrible.
Adrian Pimento: Hmm?
Charles: I was just saying, it's a miracle it burned down.

Jake: Look, I know that we didn't find any drugs, but I still think it was worth the risk.
Charles: Well, I think it was a crap circus. This whole operation is blown. If you ask me, the Beatsie Boys should be called the Thoroughly Messed-Up Millies.
Jake: What?
Stevie: I can't even imagine what you're going for.
Charles: I was being devastating!

Jake: Hey, love the sweater. Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer?
Charles: Well she shall see what we shall see.
Jake: No, you're dressed exactly like the Lady Killer.
Charles: Damn it. This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again.

Charles: So, uh, you already moved the twins onto a booster seat, huh? Aren't they a little young for that?
Sergeant Jeffords: They're four.
Charles: Nikolaj is four, but we're sticking with the car seat as long as possible, but you know me I'm a "safety at all costs" kind of dad.

Charles: I'm Donald Hoberman Sykes. I wear glasses.

Charles: 'Sup?
Jake: What is happening?
Charles: Well, with the new captain coming in, this is my chance to reinvent myself. So say hello to Chuck Boyle, office badass.
Jake: Wait a minute. Is that Rosa's jacket? And follow-up question, does Rosa's jacket fit you perfectly?
Charles: [scoffs] You tell me.

Amy: Oh, come on! Where did you guys even come from?
Jake: (HORN HONKS) Your nightmares. Hey, Amy, allow me to introduce you to Big Bertha.
Charles: Okay, I guess I'm not worth introducing to your truck.

Charles: I can't wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon-feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you.
What am I doing?
Jake: It's okay. I hung up right after "Chucklebunny".
Charles: Help me. I've gone Full Boyle.

Charles: Why do you care so much?
Jake: Okay, first of all, your insinuating voice is way too high. It's creepy.
And second, I don't care. I'm just curious why she would like him.
Charles: Whatever you say. Oh, yeah, I hear it now. I sound like Meryl Streep in Mama Mia.