Charles: I'm not saying blackmail him blackmail him. We just insinuate that we know what's going on and let him fill in the blanks.
Captain Holt: Oh, so it's like he blackmails himself?
Charles: Uh-huh, you just go up to him and say, "Commissioner Grayson, how's your wife?"
Captain Holt: Commissioner Grayson, how's your wife?
Charles: No, that just sounds like you really wanna know how she is. Insinuate. Maybe add a pause before "wife."
Captain Holt: Commissioner Grayson, how's your ... ... wife?
Charles: Too long.
Captain Holt: Felt it. Ugh, this is not my strong suit.
Charles: No, no, sir, sir, sir. You're doing great. Just forget the pause. Use your eyebrows like this. How's your "pump, pump, pump" wife.
Captain Holt: How's your pump, pump, pump wife.
Charles: Eh, it was a little bit better in my head. Try this. How's your "pump" wife "pump, pump."
Captain Holt: End on a double pump? That's risky. He'll see right through me.
How about "Pump, pump" how's your "pump"?
Charles: You forgot to say wife.
Captain Holt: Ah, good note.
Charles: How 'bout this? How's your "pump" wife "pump", Grayson, "pump"?
Captain Holt: That's the one.

Jake: Nope, same unjuicy case. New juicer attitude. The way I see it, if this is to be our last ride then let us go out in a blaze of glory.
Charles: Ooh.
Jake: Charles, think about anything you ever wanted to do on a case. We're doing it today.
Charles: Oh, hence the beanbags.
Jake: Hence is right, and also hence we're gonna drive around in the coolest undercover car in the impound lot.
Charles: Herbie from "Herbie Fully Loaded."
Jake: What? No. You really think "Herbie Fully Loaded" was on the impound lot.
Charles: Without a doubt.
Jake: Well, anyway, it's a Mustang. It's got a stripe down the middle.
Charles: Like Herbie.
Jake: Okay.

Charles: And I'm your roller-skating sidekick, Chip Rockets.
Jake: Welcome aboard, Chip Rockets.
Charles: Thank you.
Jake: And you're married to the roller skates?
Charles: A hundred percent. Roller skates it is.
Charles: Right.
Jake: Just 'cause you're only gonna be in the car.
Charles: A hundred percent, Jake.
Jake: Chip Rockets!
Charles: Chip Rockets.

Sergeant Jeffords: Good morning, everyone.
Charles: Oh. My. Goodness. Sarge. What. Are. The. Chances?
Sergeant Jeffords: I say zero?
Charles: Ugh! I mean, when Genevieve got me these suspenders, I thought I'd lean into it and go for the whole look, but I didn't want to step on your toes.

Amy: We call Charles. He's a parent. He'll know what to do.
Jake: Smart.
Charles: Mm. A parental crisis. This is the good stuff right here. You are knee-deep in the thick, rich broth of parenthood.
Jake: Well, that was a nightmare.

Jake: Well, look. Captain Holt cares about you more than anything. I'm sure he's got a good reason. Maybe you should go talk to him about it, you know? Go to his house.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm gonna do that.
Charles: And while you're talking to him, Jake and Amy can babysit your kids.
Unless they're too busy making babies of their own. Shaka-daka-dow.
Jake: Get out of us.

Charles: Jake, this party is insane. Forget Bonnie Raitt, it's like the video to "Love Shack" in here.

Jake: Oh, God. It's my new partner.
Charles: You guys are texting each other now?
Jake: It sends alerts.

Jake: Okay, he's gone. Now just gotta wait for K-13 to give us the all clear.
Charles: Yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath. Dumb robot probably rolled into the stairwell. That's why you shouldn't be best friends with this tin can.

Charles: Anyway, they executed her will. Guess what she left me?
Gina: No.
Charles: Her silk bed sheets. They were very special to her. She insisted on dying in them.

Gina: Well, unfortunately, I've changed my mind. I want to keep the mother dough. I'm gonna start baking.
Charles: I see what you're doing. You're trying to up the price. Well, shame on you. But also, here you go. An extra $2,000. You won't get one cent more after this.

Gina: Listen, you gotta get over it. It was just some old bread batter. It had black spots in it.
Charles: Those are sour spores! That's where the tang comes from. That's tang town.

Charles: This is when the Boyles went to that farm and we all got hoof and mouth disease. Ah, when we went to that water park, and we all got hoof and mouth disease again.

Charles: Gina, it's okay, you don't have to do this.
Gina: Yes, I do, because you're my brother.
Charles: [sighs] Isn't she great? We used to have sex, you know.
Both: Cool.
Gina: You don't have to mention that every time, you idiot.

Sergeant Jeffords: Exactly, it's disgusting, which is why we're fixing it. I'm open to any and all suggestions.
Charles: Two words. Property Brothers. And they would say, "Two words, open concept." So four words, Property Brothers, open concept.