Doug Judy: All right, this next part is like french kissing.
Jake: Got it. Jam it in there and move it around wildly.
Doug Judy: I gotta ask, Peralta, do the ladies enjoy that technique?

Jake: Doug Judy, you're under arrest. Put your hands in the air.
Doug Judy: Hey, Rosa. Merry Christmas, girl.

Captain Holt: Give me some details.
Doug Judy: Ruiz and I were cellies in Attica in the '90s. He texted me last week. Needs some cars to deliver his product. I said no because drugs are stupid. Except for weed and sex pills. A man has needs. [singing] Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. I can't think of your last name, baby.
Captain Holt: Enough crooning!

Doug Judy: Since I'm going to jail, I wanna enjoy my time left on the outside.
Put me up in a five-star hotel like the Royce. Unlimited room service and minibar privileges.
Captain Holt: Three-star hotel like the Brooklyner. $60 a day meal allowance. No minibar.
Doug Judy: Four-star hotel like the Oneida. $200 on food. No minibar or alcohol, but I get to go crazy on candy and nuts.

Doug Judy: Oh, one last thing. Diaz has to be nice to me. I want her to call me big sugar.
Jake: Ha, hugh mistake, bud. She'll never agree to that.
Rosa: No, I'm in. Let's do this, big sugar.

Jake: All right, fine. If this is going down, I wanna be on this case, and my sole focus is Doug Judy. He never leaves my sights.
Doug Judy: Love it! Pontiac Bandit and Jake. PB&J ride again! [singing] Reunited and it feels so good... It's a duet. Get in on this. [singing] Reunited 'cause we understood

Rosa: All right, big sugar. Four-star hotel room, you happy?
Doug Judy: Okay, okay. Okay, flat screen TV. King-sized bed. Hangers you can take off the rod? This is what's up. This place is nice. We should settle down here, Rosa. Now if y'all excuse me, I'ma go freshen up. I'm feeling stanky.

Jake: All right, there's no windows. You can go in. But leave the door open, and I'm hanging on to this [hairdryer].
Doug Judy: What in the world would I do with that?
Jake: Point it at my face until my eyeballs dry out and I lose my sense of sight. Then shove it in my mouth, so I can't yell for help, and finally run out the front door and disappear forever.
Doug Judy: Nah, I was just gonna use it to dry my undercarriage later.

Doug Judy: Hoo-hoo! Did you see the menu? Lobster thermidor. Baked Alaska. It's so fancy, it don't even sound like food.

Doug Judy: And, Rosa, you could be my wife... Rosa.
Rosa: Why would you take your wife with you to meet a drug dealer?
Doug Judy: 'Cause we're partners in everything we do.
Jake: Aw.

Doug Judy: Bye bye, Peralta. Here's your GPS.
Jake: No! Ha-ha, I got you!
Doug Judy: Yeah, you did, but your boy Tito's getting away.
Jake: Damn it! Damn you, Doug Judy!
Doug Judy: I'll never forget you, Dante Thunderstone!

Rosa: Hey, so I checked again. Doug Judy still hasn't surfaced.
Jake: Yeah, he has. He just sent me this.
Doug Judy: [in video] What's up, Peralta? Greetings from paradise. Actually, I'm a little disappointed in the hotel. How do you mess up an omelet? It's just a flat egg.
Jake: He pretty much just talks about the omelet for the next ten minutes, but...
Doug Judy: About my escape. This is my associate Kyle. He drove the garbage truck. You may also remember him as the room service waiter I had you tip so generously.
Rosa: Son of a bitch.
Jake: Yup, and when he ordered the lobster, it was code for Kyle to follow him.
Doug Judy: Anyway, tell Diaz she loves me. Merry Christmas!

Jake: Hey. What's going on?
Rosa: Just picked him up on a dozen counts of identity theft.His name is Doug Judy. You ever seen him before?
Jake: No.
Doug Judy: [singing] Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Oh, yeah. Beautiful Rosa.
Rosa: I think he's into me.

Doug Judy: I used to work at a chop shop. It was chill. Decent hours, good benefits. You could work while you were high. Which I never did, 'cause that's irresponsible. Anyway, we did a lot of work for this dude who stole Pontiacs.
Jake: The Pontiac bandit!
Doug Judy: Okay. We called him Bill, but whatever.

Rosa: Before we go any further, we need to know if you're for real. Describe the guy.
Doug Judy: Asian dude.Maybe 5'8 ", spiky black hair. Rocks in both ears. Always wears a black suit. And speaks with a British accent. Like my girl, Dame Judi Dench. I have impeccable taste.