Amy: Listen. I just want to thank you guys for chasing me down and getting me here. I know it's been a rough day, Jake, but I think I know how to make it up to you.
Jake: [gasps] Three minutes?
Amy: Oh, no, not that. Even better.

Captain Holt: We'll stop by later and check out the crime scene.
Laverne Holt: That sounds appropriate. Well, I should be going. Detective, Captain.
Captain Holt: Your Honor, Detective.
Jake: Captain, Your Honor. Hey, this is fun. Let's do it again. Your Honor, Captain.
Laverne Holt: Humor. Good day, gentlemen.

Laverne Holt: Is everything all right?
Jake: Yes, we're all done in here, Your Honor.
Laverne Holt: "Your Honor"? Don't be so formal. Call me Laverne.
Jake: Oh. Okay, Laverne. You got it, Laverne. [to Captain Holt] Laverne!

Jake: Hello, Laverne. We're not undercover anymore, so I'm no longer your acquaintance Tank. I'm back to being your close personal friend Jake.

Laverne Holt: Jake, I need to tell you something in confidence.
Jake: [gasps] It's happening. It's dish time. Okay.
Laverne Holt: George Kenderson did not rob me. He was not casing my apartment.
Jake: How do you know?
Laverne Holt: He was with me that night.
Jake: Doing what? [she looks knowingly at him] Oh, doing you. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I mean, way to go. I'm sex positive. I don't know what to say.
Laverne Holt: George and I have been in a relationship for two years. Raymond doesn't know. Please don't tell him. I'm asking you as a friend.
Jake: As a friend. Copy that.

Jake: Hello, sir. How was your walk?
Captain Holt: Long and brisk.
Jake: Wonderful. You left me in the car, took the keys with you. It's still there. Doesn't matter.

Rosa: We're sorry our signals got crossed. This is everything we have on Ocampo.
Jake: Yeah, we've been on his tail for a while. We know everything about him, all the way down to his favorite fro-yo flavor Monkeyberry Marshmallow Blaster.

Rosa: Look, none of this matters if we don't find Ocampo. Let's just do our jobs, and Hawkins will do whatever she's gonna do. Doesn't have to be a competition, right?
Jake: Right. Right?
Rosa: Right. Right?
Jake: Right.
Both: Right.

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: So what's our next move? How do we find this guy?
Rosa: I say we tap his brother's phone. They're tight. He'll definitely call.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Jake, you agree?
Jake: Yes, I think that's a great idea. Fully support that. Totally love it. The one thing I will say, though, is, it could take us a while to get a warrant. And we know he's hard up for cash, and we also know that's his primary buyer, so we could see what this guy knows.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Both smart suggestions. I say we do ... Peralta's.
Jake: Yes. [fake groan] Sorry, it's muscle spasm.
Rosa: Whatever.

Rosa: Maybe we should take our bikes.
Jake: Cool idea, but is it the best move tactically?
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Yes, it is. That way, we can slip through traffic.
Jake: Totally. However, as mentioned, my hog is up in the torque shop, just getting torqued up the hog, so we should probably just share one car over there.
Rosa: Ah, I bet you Floppy Foot will loan you his bike.
Jake: And yet, I don't want to inconvenience Floppy Foot.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Sure he wouldn't mind.
Jake: Right. Even so, it's not like we have his keys. Uh, look at that.
Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Let's go.
Jake: You found them. That's fun. I can't wait to drive this motorcycle that I definitely know how to drive.

Rosa: How's it going? Ah, I noticed your pupils have stopped pulsating.
Jake: Yeah, because I found the perfect antidote to your little prank. Sure, caffeine speeds you up, but half-and-half slows you down. Ah, dairy. You made one fatal mistake. You forgot how gross I am.

Jake: Oh, the half-and-half just met the gasoline. They're not mixing well.

Jake: I'm the same way with "MAD" magazine and "Cracked" magazine.Ah, they're both so good. Tough to pick. I mean, "MAD" is the original, but "Cracked", they've always got a take.

Rosa: Thank you so much, Jake.
Jake: Please. I'm just glad you finally get to work for a woman as badass as you are. And as a man, I'd like to apologize for my gender's history-
Rosa: Don't ruin it.
Jake: Okay.

Jake: Morning, Lieutenant Hawkins. Hey, have you ever considered going by Lady Hawk? Pretty sweet flick. Matty Broderick, Shelly Pfeiffer, Alf Molina. Not to be confused with Alf, Alf. We all love him.