Amy: Wow, this is a really long performance. Charles pulled off a costume change.
Jake: I wouldn't say he pulled it off. He accidentally got bottomless in front of all of us.
Amy: Yeah.

Jake: Well, looks like things just got a little more interesting.
Amy: No, they got worse.
Jake: Amy, it's like Torrance from "Bring It On" says, "You'll never be the best until you win against the best."
Amy: Didn't they lose in the end?
Jake: Yeah, but this is different. Hitchcock isn't nearly as good as the East Compton Clovers. [laughs] It's like, where's your head at? It's gonna be fine. It might not be fine.

Amy: You're pretty hurt, huh?
Jake: Yeah. It's very exciting. I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit. I mean, sure, I can't lift my arms, but Seabiscuit won without even having arms.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Jake: I don't know. I fell. We're already married. It doesn't matter.

Charles: Welcome to my most sadistic creation. The tangled nightmare of extension cords that lives in our supply closet. Your mission is to untangle your lamp's cord, plug it in, and then pull yourself to it on your dolly and turn it on.
Jake: Oh, nice. Hitchcock's coming down from the speed. I have a chance.

Officer Debbie Fogle: [on cell phone] They know the drugs are missing. They don't suspect me because I'm playing it super cool. Now, when is the handoff? Yes, I'm alone in the ladies' room. No one can hear me.
[cut to:]
Hitchcock: Okay, so I know something, but you can't ask how I know it.
Jake: Debbie.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's Debbie.
Jake: Took the coke and the guns.
Rosa: Debbie, right?
Amy: Yeah. We know it's Debbie.
Jake: Acting super suspicious.

Sergeant Jeffords: The coke Debbie took was evidence against Silvio Nucci. Now, he wanted it gone, and I think he got Debbie to do his dirty work.
Jake: I'm sorry, you think Debbie is working with notorious crime boss Silvio Nucci? The same Debbie who has a denim jacket that says "Rock 'n Roll"?

Jake: Okay, fine. But even so, wouldn't you rather take down Silvio Nucci, a known crime boss, instead of Debbie Fogle, a rewards member at JOANN Fabrics?
Rosa: Yeah, but Debbie's not gonna testify against Nucci.
Jake: You may be right. And that's why we're gonna catch him in the act. Brace yourselves, everyone. We're about to pop that Nucci. Apologies, that was inappropriate in the workplace. But in my defense, that was a song that I learned about from Columbia House, Rosa.

Rosa: Debbie. Trunk. Now.
Jake: Sorry, it's a little tight in there.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Oh, I'm not picky. I don't need light or oxygen. I'm kind of like a low-maintenance plant. Ooh, like a succulent.
Jake: That's great, Debbie. But the trunk is closing on its own, it's definitely not me slamming it.

Officer Debbie Fogle: So you guys are gonna stay here with me?
Jake: Nucci thought we could help you guard the coke.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Oh, I can handle it. I'm pretty tough. I take self-defense at the women's gym. Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
Jake: Oh, neat. You actually say the words "hi-ya," like Miss Piggy.

Officer Debbie Fogle: I'm so dumb. I'm such an idiot. I'm dumb! I'm dumb!
Jake: Ah, hey, why don't you let me hold your gun for you, and then you can hit yourself in the face with your fist like a normal person having a mental breakdown.

Rosa: You have to get the gun from her.
Jake: I know, but how do I get close enough?
Rosa: There's one way. She clearly has a thing for you.
Jake: Why do you say that? Just because she has a fantasy of us as a dog couple? Wait. Yeah, I see it. That's gonna work.

Jake: Well, anyways, I was just gonna say that, you know, once we're done with this big score, we need a place to hide out. Somewhere where the cops could never find us.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Ooh, like Epcot.
Jake: Uhh, yes, Epcot is great. That's exactly what I was thinking.
Officer Debbie Fogle: We can kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, on the canals of Venice, oh, in the Canada pavilion.
Jake: Yes, but why wait till the Canada Pavilion when we can start right now?

Jake: Debbie, what's your plan here? Talk to me.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Why? So you can just tell me more beautiful lies? You think you can just lick your lips and make me weak in the knees?
Jake: No. [licks lips]
Officer Debbie Fogle: Nice try, but I closed my eyes so I didn't even see it.
Jake: Oh, come on.

Jake: Well, you really gonna help out Debbie or did you just say all that stuff so she'd let us go?
Rosa: I told the DA she cooperated and he agreed to be lenient, especially since we got Nucci and the cocaine was returned. Except for the pound of it that Debbie did.
Jake: Yeah. The paramedic said he had never heard a human heart beat that loudly. He could hear it outside of her body.

Amy: Hmm. [phone vibrates, Amy answers it] Hello?
Jake: Hello, Sergeant Santiago. I've taken your husband hostage. If you ever want to make a baby with him, you'll do exactly as I say.
Amy: Jake, where are you?
Jake: Oh, this isn't Jake. This is the Syndicate. And you will never see us, because we are everywhere and--
Amy: You're by the elevators.
Jake: Dammit! Don't- Look away! Look away!
Amy: Okay.
Jake: Yes, that's better. On top of the copier, there's a headset. Put it on and get in the limo that's waiting out front.
Amy: Mm, okay, I love you.
Jake: I love you, too. Now go!