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Quote from the episode Two Turkeys

Amy: I know. He's ruining the whole day.
Jake: [sighs] Yeah, but, you know, don't just blame my dad.
Amy: You literally just said he's the worst.
Jake: I know. It's okay when I say it. You have to pretend like he's cool. Those are the rules.

Quote from the episode Two Turkeys

Victor Santiago: Your mom and Camila are on the way. They're still cleaning up all the blood.
Jake: Yeah, there was so much. They might have to move.

Quote from the episode Two Turkeys

Amy: Oh, Jake, it's happening. The weird but good dad hug.
Jake: Oh, it's magical. Best Thanksgiving ever. Yep, Dad, your gown's riding up.
Amy: Oh.
Jake: It's out. It's out.

Quote from the episode Game Night

Rosa: Hey. Was that weird earlier?
Jake: You mean when Charles showed us those pictures of Nikolaj taking a very sudsless bath? Yes, it was uncomfortable.

Quote from the episode Game Night

Jake: This is nice. I can't believe you're buying me dinner.
Rosa: Oh, well, you really helped me today.
Jake: Did I? I felt like I sorta straight-splained how to come out to you.

Quote from the episode Game Night

Jake: Hey, so, I ran after you last night, but I lost you in the subway.
Rosa: I took a cab home.
Jake: Really? Well, then, I definitely terrified some random lady.

Quote from the episode The Chopper

Jake: There's a barn?
Captain Holt: What is your fascination with barns?
Jake: It's where all the awesome standoffs happen. Rusty farm equipment, light shining through bullet holes. I'll bet you at least one dove takes flight in slow mo.
Captain Holt: I will take that bet because that's impossible.

Quote from the episode Paranoia

Jake: Okay, we need to make my main man Pimento look super murdered, like Tarantino disgusting murdered.

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