Captain Holt: Kevin, I'm sorry. I will never forgive myself for working today. I want you to know that this will be my last assignment for the NYPD. I'm retiring.
Kevin: Well, that seems like an extreme reaction.
Captain Holt: No, I want this... for us.
Kevin: That's not for us. I never wanted you to give up your career. Putting our relationship first doesn't mean you can't have anything else in your life. It just means prioritizing me over stupid little stuff.
Jake: Like returning lost mittens to dumb kids.
Kevin: No, that actually sounds quite rewarding.
Jake: Really?
Kevin: This reform program is not a little thing. It could fundamentally change the police. I just wish you had told me so I could've helped from the start.
Captain Holt: I'm so sorry.
Kevin: Apology accepted.

Captain Holt: [door bangs shut, footsteps] What's that?
Jake: That's O'Sullivan. He's coming home.
Kevin: [o.s.] NYPD. Step away from the door.
Captain Holt: Wait, that voice.
Kevin: [enters] Neighbors reported seeing two men enter from an unmarked van, then heard yelling.
Jake: Uh... There's been a misunderstanding, Officer.
Kevin: You are under arrest, punk.
Carol: You jags are so screwed.
Jake: [whispering] I love your hat.

Kevin: Have you seen Cheddar? The officiant is wondering how he'd like to be introduced.

Kevin: [Cheddar barks] That's odd. He only barks like that when he's worried about Raymond.
Rosa: Oh, Cheddar's not worried about Holt. I saw him eat a shrimp off the platter earlier. I bet he just wants more.
Kevin: Hmm, Cheddar doesn't usually indulge in shrimp. He considers it bougie. Speaking of indulging, the gray boutonniere should've arrived by now, hmm.

Rosa: Look alive. Kevin's on your six.
Kevin: Do you know where Raymond is?
Scully: Yes, I do. He's, um... Come on, Scully. Think of something.
Kevin: "Think of something". What does that mean?
Rosa: [knocks over a vase] Cheddar did it.
Kevin: Cheddar, I know you wanted us to go with the other vase. I have a different aesthetic sense than you, and it's my day. Sorry you had to witness that. I will get a broom.

Kevin: Ah, hello. Thank you for coming early to help out. There's a lot to do since we decided to go so over the top. I mean, look at the napkins. We're going with a pretty whimsical fold... lengthwise.
Sergeant Jeffords: That is... funny.
Kevin: The intent was whimsy, not humor. Now you have me doubting everything.

Kevin: Raymond, am I too late?
Captain Holt: Too late?
Kevin: My friend saw your dating profile and your photo without collar stays. I thought I'd lost you.
Captain Holt: You will never lose me. I'll do anything to keep you. I'll compromise on everything. The work, the... [Kevin kisses Holt]
Rosa: Nancy Meyers never fails.
Amy: Now that we're doing it, it feels kinda weird to be staring at your friends while they kiss.
Scully: Are you kidding? It's beautiful.
Captain Holt: I love you.
Kevin: I love you.

Kevin: We're pretty far north for a corn crake. Where did you hear of this sighting?
Jake: Oh, on the birdwatching app that Captain Holt recommended I download. You know how he is about birding. I guess you guys have that in common, huh?
Kevin: Hardly... Raymond is an adequate birdwatcher at best. He once confused a pileated woodpecker with a downy woodpecker.
Jake: Yeah. Pileated bootdecker and a pileated jecker.

Jake: We need to get over to that gate and recreate your morning, and if seeing all these things is too much, then just focus only on me. Okay. All right, stare straight into my eyes.
Kevin: Very good, I will stare straight into your eyes.
Jake: Okay. Oh, wow. Piercing. Huh, okay, so let's do this. And we are heading to the east gate, we're doing great.
Kevin: This is working. I can do this.
Jake: Here we go.
Kevin: I'm doing it.
Jake: You're looking away.
Kevin: No, I'm not.
Jake: Stop looking away.
Kevin: I'm not.
Jake: Don't look away.
Kevin: But I see leaves.
Jake: No!
Kevin: Cheddar loved playing in leaves. Didn't matter what kind. Oak, maple, elm.
Jake: Wait, I hate to cut you off, but look what I found. Security camera.
Kevin: Cheddar loved security cameras.
Jake: How is that possible?

Jake: Okay, sir, the kidnapper should be calling with his demands any minute. If we trace his location, we can find your fuzzy boy.
Captain Holt: Not fuzzy. He's fluffy.
Kevin: We don't know what he is anymore. He could be fuzzy, he could be anything. Raymond, he could be scruffy.
Captain Holt: Now you've upset Kevin. I hope you're happy.
Jake: Why would I be happy? I clearly just mixed up fuzzy and fluffy.
Captain Holt: "Just?" You're fired. I want your shield and your piece.
Jake: That seems a little extreme.
Kevin: Jake is right.
Jake: Thank you, Kevin.
Kevin: Just suspend him without pay.

Jake: Still waiting for instructions, over.
Captain Holt: Wait, we don't have eyes on you. Kevin, do you see Jake?
Kevin: Yes, he's right there. Oh, no, that's a different gentlemen wearing a handsome jacket. Everyone is so well dressed.

Captain Holt: Oh, Mr. Cheddar, how I've missed you.
Kevin: We both have. I'm putting that GPS tag on your collar immediately. Oh, damn it, it's not here. I'm wearing Peralta's pants. Ugh, and now my hands are sticky.
Captain Holt: Wait, Peralta's wearing your pants which means...
Kevin: He doesn't have sticky hands.
Captain Holt: Yes, but also he has the GPS tracker.
Kevin: [gasps]

Kevin: And then I said, "Which 'Metamorphosis'? Kafka or Ovid?"
Captain Holt: [laughs]
Kevin: He loves it. He loves it.
Captain Holt: [sighs]
Kevin: So that's the joke. Now, you tell it.
Jake: Oh, okay, [clears throat] So a professor walks in to a rare books collection...
Kevin: No, you've ruined it. Now it's not funny.

Kevin: Raymond, Cheddar is fine. He's coming back to us, and that is why I bought a new GPS tag to put on his collar.
Jake: Thank you, Kevin. At least some of us are thinking clearly.
Kevin: Yes, crystal clear. In fact I bought 5 GPS tags. One for his collar and one for each arm and leg. I'm going to make bracelets to put them on, and I'll never lose my Cheddar again.
Jake: Okay, a little unsettling, but I like your positivity.

Jake: Sir, we're back. Find anything in the case files?
Captain Holt: Yes, most of them were useless, but one caught my eye. On May 15th, 2004 detectives arrested Frank Kingston, leader of the 16th Street Gang. Thanks to the testimony of confidential informant, Kingston served 16 years. He just got out last month. And you think he wants the file to figure out which one of his guys turned on him to get revenge.
Jake: It's a Vendetta.
Kevin: [Italian accent] Vendetta.
Jake: Sure.