Captain Holt: Oh, Mr. Cheddar, how I've missed you.
Kevin: We both have. I'm putting that GPS tag on your collar immediately. Oh, damn it, it's not here. I'm wearing Peralta's pants. Ugh, and now my hands are sticky.
Captain Holt: Wait, Peralta's wearing your pants which means...
Kevin: He doesn't have sticky hands.
Captain Holt: Yes, but also he has the GPS tracker.
Kevin: [gasps]

Jake: Terry, what you did today was awesome and I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I took things too far.
Sergeant Jeffords: Are you kidding me? I was just guilting you as a tactic. I love how crazy the heist gets.
Jake: Okay, good, 'cause what I really wanted to say is next heist I'm gonna drown you in your own blood.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, yeah? Well, then I'm gonna rip your arms off and beat you to death with 'em.
Jake: Oh.
Kevin: I'm going to slice your Achilles' tendons, peel off your fingernails, and stick knitting needles in your eyes.
Both: Oh, damn.
Kevin: Raymond, you were right. These heists are fun.

[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Man, I am so sick of Jake saying he is the only two-time Halloween heist winner.
Captain Holt & Amy: I'm the only two-time Halloween heist winner.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't believe everyone says you're not helpful during the Halloween heist. Just because they all think your fingers are too big.
Charles: We'll show them.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks for inviting me over for dinner. Boy, that's hung in a real prominent place, isn't it?
Kevin: Not for long.
[present:]
Kevin: I was manipulated?
Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, Kevin.

Jake: The point is, Captain Holt solved the case when no one else could.
Captain Holt: He's actually been stealing from these archives for years. You've been asleep at the wheel, Allister. You're an embarrassment.
Dean Wesley Allister: Really? Well, at least I've never confused St. Augustine with Boethius.
Kevin: Oh, who gives a rat's ass about Boethius, Wesley?
Captain Holt: What are you doing, Kevin?
Kevin: I am creating a kerfuffle.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Kevin: Sure, my husband is a hot piece of ass, but he is so much more than just that. Raymond Holt is as smart as anyone in this department, but he chooses to use his intelligence to make our city a better place. One day, I hope to live up to the standard you set. You make me want to have a wetter brain.
Captain Holt: Oh, Kevin.
Jake: Y'all are hella specific.

Dean Wesley Allister: And a big round of applause for Janitor Randy for recovering our precious coin.
Jake: Don't applaud for that man.
Dean Wesley Allister: What's going on?
Jake: What's going on is, Captain Holt just solved this case.
Dean Wesley Allister: What's there left to solve? We found the coin in Professor Port's desk. He's the thief.
Captain Holt: Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that, wouldn't you, Dean Allister? Or should I say, General Parmenion?
Kevin: Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle?
Captain Holt: Yes. Sometimes a moment calls for a kerfuffle.
Kevin: No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle. You know my feelings on this.

Kevin: The problem wasn't what you said. It was that Dean Allister pointed out your mistake, and you lost your damned mind.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: I misremembered it because I'm reading both simultaneously. One book is too few for me. Where is everyone going? [Holt knocks over a vase]
[present:]
Kevin: It was quite the kerfuffle.

Jake: Hello, sir. How'd you find us out?
Captain Holt: Mahler's Fourth Symphony. He'd never sit in just any section.
Kevin: I might. I'm flexible.
Captain Holt: Oh, really? You'd sit center left? In timpani alley? I'll purchase those tickets right away. [Holt pauses for a long time with his finger over his cell phone]
Kevin: ... No, don't!

Kevin: Whoomp.
Jake: There it is! Got to say, I could have used a little more oomph on the whoomp.
Kevin: That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get.

Captain Holt: So nice of you to stop by, Kevin. Enjoy your day. I hope it's productive.
Kevin: Thank you, Raymond. I hope your day is productive as well. [Holt and Kevin shake hands] PDA in the office? My, my.
Captain Holt: Couldn't help myself.
Kevin: Oh, may I please use the precinct facilities before I head to work?
Captain Holt: Yes. Thank you for asking for permission.
Kevin: Thank you for granting it.

Jake: No! No more credentials, please. I don't want to have a structured debate.
It's an idiotic way to decide something.
Amy: What?
Captain Holt: How dare you?
Kevin: [v.o.] Is he insane?
Gail: [v.o.] Raymond, Kevin, I'll be reporting this.

Captain Holt: Since this has become about me, I'm gonna have to abstain from this round as well, but Kevin is still standing by.
Kevin: Actually, I feel as though your personal relationship with Peralta affects me too. Luckily, I had Gail standing by as well.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my God, you guys know Gail?
Jake: Who's Gail?
Kevin: Vice president of the Debaters Club.
Captain Holt: This is a very big deal.
Gail: [v.o.] Do you need to hear my credentials? License number U as in uniform, 7-

Captain Holt: This has become more about your employment status.As your supervisor, I feel I have a conflict of interest and should abstain from judging.
Jake: Okay, so do we both get a point?
Captain Holt: No. Kevin has been on the phone all this time. He's also a licensed debate moderator.
Kevin: [v.o.] License number J as in Juliet, 2-5-9-
Jake: This means nothing to me.
Kevin: [v.o.] H as in hotel. Z as in Zulu.
Jake: Oh, thank God he stopped.
Kevin: [v.o.] 3-6-9. Point to Amy.

Jake: Okay, I think you're actually going to like this one. Nic Cage is a chemist-
Kevin: Interesting, keep going.
Jake: Who has to break into Alcatraz-
Kevin: Absolutely not! Are there no other actors?

Jake: Oh my God, I'm so glad Captain Holt finally agreed to let you come visit.
Amy: I missed you so much.
Jake: Me too.
Amy: Um, is there a way we could get a bit more privacy?
Kevin: Just pretend I'm not here. God knows I am.

Kevin: Or perhaps you employed "Face/Off" technology.
Captain Holt: What?
Kevin: I broke down and watched one of Peralta's action films. I'm lying, I watched them all, including one wherein a man's head turns into a flaming skull.
Jake: "Ghost Rider", and "Ghost Rider 2". Both master-pie.
Kevin: Yes, I need your help, Raymond.