Madeline Wuntch: What the hell, Raymond? You were following me?
Captain Holt: I don't know what you're talking about. I've been here the whole time.
Madeline Wuntch: My mistake. These two goons were carrying a dirty old mop that looked exactly like you.

The Vulture: You were working a case. I freaking knew it. You're a liar.
Madeline Wuntch: And you. You can't do anything except disobey orders and screw up.
Bob: I'm disappointed, too.
Madeline Wuntch: No one cares, Bob.

Madeline Wuntch: I like what you've done with your office, Raymond. It's cozy. Like a shoebox one buries a dead hamster in.

Madeline Wuntch: I'd like to hear Captain Holt's thoughts on a name.
Captain Holt: Very well. My thoughts are, who cares?
Madeline Wuntch: Give us a name, Raymond. Weigh on this. It's your job now.
Captain Holt: No.
Madeline Wuntch: A name. Petey or Paulie. Which is it?
Captain Holt: What does it matter? Why'd you even choose a pigeon any way? It's a terrible mascot.
Madeline Wuntch: Because they're a staple of New York. They're non-threatening and they're everywhere.
Captain Holt: They're carriers of disease, and they eat garbage.
Madeline Wuntch: Name the pigeon, Raymond!
Captain Holt: You can't make me.
Madeline Wuntch: I can make you and I will. Name the pigeon. That's an order!
Captain Holt: Paulie.

Captain Holt: I know you've been working on picking a name for the pigeon mascot for, whoo, several months now. I feel like you might need a breather. So, I've prepared an eight-point presentation on community engagement.
Madeline Wuntch: We'll get to your presentation, Raymond. It's on the agenda.
Captain Holt: It says here it's scheduled, quote, after everyone leaves, unquote.
Madeline Wuntch: And not a minute sooner.

Captain Holt: Wuntch.
Madeline Wuntch: Hello, Raymond. You're looking old and sickly.

Captain Holt: Interesting. I will attempt to co-operate with you under these new circumstances.
Madeline Wuntch: Don't sweet talk me, Holt.
Captain Holt: I gave it my best shot. Let's begin.

Madeline Wuntch: It's Deputy Chief Wuntch now. Unsurprisingly, I've been promoted above you. And now I'm here to evaluate you.
Captain Holt: What happened to Brandt?
Madeline Wuntch: He retired and moved to Charleston to be closer to his grandchildren. So much for dying at your desk with a little dignity.

Captain Holt: Madeline, thank you for coming.
Madeline Wuntch: Raymond, always a pleasure to call on a vanquished foe. I feel like Jackie Joyner-Kersee congratulating one of the other, slower runners.

Captain Holt: You didn't want me to fail. You wanted me to succeed.
Madeline Wuntch: That's right. I was looking for an excuse to promote you to a desk job and you handed it to me on a silver platter with your little rat hands.
Captain Holt: Oh, no.
Madeline Wuntch: Say goodbye to the Nine-Nine, Raymond. I'm making you Head of NYPD Public Relations.

Captain Holt: We're here are about a new and very potent for ecstasy that has surfaced in our precinct; street name, giggle pig.
Madeline Wuntch: Hmm, an embarrassing blight growing right under your nose. Not unlike that moustache you had when we first met.
Captain Holt: That moustache was era-appropriate.