Captain Holt: The cops are looking for us, and a madman wants us dead.
We should be laying low until the Nine-Nine gets here.
Jake: Yeah, but we don't know when that's gonna be, and we need food and supplies.
Captain Holt: Okay, I'll get some water.
Jake: Holt, are you trying to draw attention to us? Nobody drinks water here.
Choose something blue or green.

Charles: Hey there, Nikolaj. It's your papa. If you're watching this, something bad has happened to me. But I want you to know that I love you very much.
Sergeant Jeffords: You want to stop filming yourself and help me with these many items I'm carrying?
Charles: Sorry, I was making a video for my son. You know, in case I never see him again. Do you not do that for your kids?
Sergeant Jeffords: Of course I do. I make those kind of videos all the time.You know, in fact, I was about to do one right now. Hey hey, girls. It's me, Daddy.
If you're seeing this, I'm dead. But I want you to know that I love you now and forever.
Charles: Okay, time for a lullaby, sung in your native Latvian. Ligo! Ligo! Ligo!
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, yeah, lullaby time. Look. Go to sleep, Daddy's dead But his ghost's always watching-

Jake: Hey, we never really got a chance to say hi.
Amy: Yeah. Hi.
Jake: Hi.
Charles: Oh, my God, everyone, Jake and Amy are going to kiss for the first time in six months. Let those Nicholas Sparks fly.
Jake: So everyone's just gonna watch us?
Charles: Yes! Now get to it, you lovebirds. [appearing between Jake and Amy] Here we go.
Jake: Come on, man. How did you get there so fast?
Charles: Love finds a way.

Jake: So we know that Figgis is in Coral Palms, but we don't know where he is, and we don't know how many guys he's got with him. The plan is to lure them into the Fun Zone and ambush them. Any questions?
Charles: Yes, did you miss us? Did you ever look up at the moon and wonder if I was looking at it too?
Jake: Yes.
Charles: Knew it.

Captain Holt: And how am I supposed to get all the way up there?
Gina: Gracefully.
Captain Holt: Boost my bottom!
Gina: I'm boosting!
Captain Holt: Boost my bottom!
Gina: I'm boosting!
Captain Holt: Boost it!

Charles: I can prove it. Look up "Brooklyn detective attacked by birds." You'll see an article with a photo of me.

Amy: Ooh, we're crossing into Virginia. Virginia is not technically a state, but a commonwealth.
Rosa: Oof, poor Jake.

Captain Holt: Freeze, punk!
Gina: Yeah, freeze, punk!
Captain Holt: Gina, where did you get that gun?
Gina: Lost and found at the storage facility. They have boxes of 'em. They're everywhere.

Captain Holt: Are you hurt?
Jake: Yeah. I got caught on top of the fence. Check out my calf it's like Scratch City. How about you?
Captain Holt: I'm fine, except I was impaled on a metal pipe.
Jake: Oh, my God! [looking away and back again] Oh, my God! It's going to be fine. [looking away and back again] Oh, my God!

Jake: Anyways, you all have your assignments. Let's plan an ambush. Nine-Nine!
Everyone: Nine-Nine!
Jake: Chills, you guys. Literally, chills.

Charles: So, uh, you already moved the twins onto a booster seat, huh? Aren't they a little young for that?
Sergeant Jeffords: They're four.
Charles: Nikolaj is four, but we're sticking with the car seat as long as possible, but you know me I'm a "safety at all costs" kind of dad.

Charles: Hey, okay, everyone, let's just try to bring things we actually need for the mission.
Rosa: Really? Then what is this?
Charles: Oh, it's a book of 4,000 essential photos of Nikolaj for me to show Jake.

Rosa: Hey, Figgis. My fiance, Adrian Pimento, said when I caught you, I should read you this letter. "I want to lick the skin off your body, baby." Oh, that side's for me. "I want to rip the skin off your body, Jimmy."

Rosa: I got rifles, vests, flash grenades-
Scully: Chips, dips, ice cream sammies-
Amy: I'm pretty sure there's gonna be snacks in Florida, Scully.
Scully: Pretty sure? Do you arrest someone if you're pretty sure they're guilty? No, Amy, you wait till you get all the facts!

Gina: Young Jeezy take the wheel!

Amy: Are you okay? I'm sorry I shot you. I thought that's what the nod meant.
Jake: It was. It was awesome. It was actually just like the end of Speed, which is a pretty good movie. It's not as good as Die Hard. Die Hard's perfect.

Amy: How are you doing?
Jake: Fine you know, just getting bandaged up. Actually, can you give us a second? Thanks. It hurts so bad. I just didn't want to seem weak in front of EMT Craig.

Jake: I've been waiting for this moment a long time. You ruined my life. I had to live in Florida for six months!
Jimmy Figgis: It's the worst. Have you tried the pizza down here?
Jake: Yeah, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. It somehow burned my mouth and is cold at the same time.

Sergeant Jeffords: We're sorry we doubted you, sir. You really saved our butts.
Captain Holt: I can't take credit for that. Gina Linetti is the real hero here.
Gina: But isn't Gina Linetti more of a state of mind? Like, in a way, we were all Gina Linetti today. Gina, let's take this Gina to the hospital.

Jake: Okay, well, good talk. Don't die. Holt had very soft lips. Wish I hadn't said that one either.

Jake: Look, I know this isn't the right time for some big talk, but I just want us to be normal again.
Amy: Yeah, me too.
Jake: I hope you're a better kisser than Holt.
Amy: What?
Jake: Why did I say that?
Amy: Why did you kiss Holt?
Jake: I didn't. I did. We did it to get out of jail, but it didn't mean anything. Just forget I said anything, right? Rewind. [rewind sounds] And kiss.
Amy: Jake-
Jake: You want to know if there was tongue. I can tell you, decidedly there was not.

Amy: Why do we keep hurting each other?
Jake: I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. It just feels like we're not-
Amy: On the same page.
Jake: Clicking. That was basically the same thing. I count that.

Gina: Sir, they're gonna be fine.
Captain Holt: They're my squad. I should be there with them. This is killing me.
Gina: Well, I'm not gonna let it. Let's go.
Captain Holt: But my wound, Gina.
Gina: Sir, with your brain and my body and my brain we make one unstoppable unit. Now climb aboard, sir. And let's go.

Amy: So I know this is weird to say, because I just shot you, but it feels like we're back in sync now.
Jake: Yeah, I mean, as in sync as I've ever been with someone who just shot me.
Amy: I love you.
Jake: I love you too.

Amy: This is weird.
Jake: Should we have sex?
Amy: What?
Jake: Huh? Yeah.
Amy: I mean, no.
Jake: No, things aren't weird, or no to the sex?
Amy: Maybe we should just-
Jake: You're right. Just concentrate on Figgis, and we'll figure this out later.
Amy: No, I was gonna say maybe we should talk, but yeah, it can wait till after Figgis.
Jake: Ah.
Amy: We have the rest of our lives to talk.
Jake: Yeah, unless he kills us first. What a weird joke. Regret saying that one. Wow, things are clickin'.

Jake: Hey, do you happen to know my blood type?
Amy: Yeah. B positive.
Jake: Well, guessed wrong. Hey, Craig?

Captain Holt: Okay, I guess I'll go in for, uh, the Blazing Blue Rad-berry Cooler Xtreme: Code Rad.

Jake: Hey, how's the sheriff?
Amy: Well, he keeps yelling, "Disability for life!" So I think he's fine.

Gina: Aw, Captain, don't worry, okay? My sleeping pills are doing their job, and I can stay here and take care of you, okay? Terry, I'm gonna need your gun.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not happening.
Gina: All right, I'll use my own. Oops-a-daisy.
Rosa: That is adorable. Where did you get that?
Gina: Vending machine at a rest stop.

Jake: I should probably get some body spray as well. What sounds better, Liquid Moan or Turnpike?
Captain Holt: We only have $17 to our name. We can't spend five of it on this.
Jake: I know, but I'm about to see Amy for the first time in forever, and I want to smell like a ... "hot New Jersey breeze," ugh.

Sergeant Jeffords: He said if we disobey him, there'll be tire consequences. I think he meant dire. Guy's real dumb.

Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, about that. Um, there were no tickets left. But I brought my minivan, so-
Charles: Road trip!

Jake: Thank you guys so much for coming. I can't wait to catch up with all of you when this is done.
Hitchcock: My dad died, and-
Jake: Again, when this is done, Hitchcock.

Jake: Welcome to the Fun Zone. I know the manager, and he's agreed to shut the place down for the day, so there won't be any civilians around.
Sergeant Jeffords: Smart. You put up all these fake signs about a major health code violation.
Jake: No, those are actually always there something about lead being in the air and water and ground.

Jake: You don't understand. I'm a detective with the NYPD. This is Jimmy Figgis; he's wanted by the FBI.
Jimmy Figgis: No, I'm Constantine Binvoglio, and I came here to repair a skee ball machine on the the fritz, but suddenly he's trying to kill me.
Jake: He's lying. "Constantine Binvoglio." It's clearly a name he just made up.
I'm very impressed. That was pretty good.

Sergeant Jeffords: Now, before you say anything, I know we disobeyed a direct order.
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Sergeant, relax, okay? Your friends were in trouble; you did what you had to do. And now I got to do what I got to do.
Amy: Oh, no, a memorandum of admonishment?
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Much worse you're never gonna see the sun again. Your families they're gonna forget your faces. You'll eat lunch at dinnertime and dinner at breakfast. And you'll - Ah, what was I talking about? I totally lost my train.
Rosa: You were punishing us.
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Yes, thank you. Ah! I'm transferring the whole squad to the night shift.
Sergeant Jeffords: Noooo!
Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Yes.

Captain Holt: The cops?
Jake: Or Figgis! Do we have any weapons?
Captain Holt: I have the pipe we pulled out of me.
Jake: I would sooner surrender than go anywhere near your gooey body pipe.

Gina: Uhh, this might be the Ambies speaking, but this in-flight movie sucks.

Jake: Talking about what?
Captain Holt: Uh, tell me about Amy, hmm? You must be excited to see her.
Jake: Very much, you know. Oh, God, what if it doesn't go well? We haven't seen each other in a while, and what if it's weird? Uhhh!
Captain Holt: Keep going, keep going. You're doing so well. Why would it be weird?
Jake: I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe we've grown apart. Maybe she'll be repulsed by my frosted tips. I was gonna defrost them before I saw her for the first time.
Captain Holt: I'm sure it will be magical when you see her. And guess what?
Jake: What?
Captain Holt: I'm done. I've sewn myself up.
Jake: Huh.
Captain Holt: You did great, buddy. I'm proud of you.
Jake: I can't believe I did it. I'm so strong.

Captain Holt: Okay, uh, I'll do the surgery, and, uh, you just breathe, okay?We'll get you through this.
Jake: Okay. Ugh, what was that sound? I did not like that squish sound.
Captain Holt: The pipe has been removed. Now I'm sewing myself up. Okay, this is almost over. You're doing great. Just keep talking. Keep talking.

Captain Holt: I'll need your assistance. You'll have to pull out the pipe and stitch up the wound.
Jake: All right. This is gonna hurt. But I'm gonna get you through it. Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up into your cut. Ahhh, I saw inside of you. How are humans alive?

Jake: Gina, you look like a fresh wizard, and I love it.

Gina: What's up, squadron? I'm airplane ready, and I'm T-minus 30 from my Ambies kicking in, so let's take it to the skies.

Sergeant Jeffords: Who's with me? Great, Hitchcock's in. Who else?
Hitchcock: I actually had a question. How mad would everyone be if I just bailed?

Gina: God, I missed our daily dishes.
Captain Holt: Me too. I'm sorry I'm not reciprocating with "hot goss" of my own. I'm just worried about the Nine-Nine.

Gemma: Do I know you from somewhere?
Jake: Do you watch a lot of pornography? 'Cause I'm in most of it.

Charles: So does this van have side-impact airbags?
Sergeant Jeffords: Not in the back.
Charles: Oh. Interesting. No judgment here.

Scully: Sarge, I need to go to the bathroom.
Sergeant Jeffords: We just stopped for gas. I asked you if you had to go.
Scully: I didn't have to then.

Jake: Hey, got you a bag of Blue Rad-berry slushie for the swelling. I would've just gotten ice, but a possum died in the ice machine.

Rob: "Liquid Moan", nice. I wore this to Swampsgiving last year, cleaned up.
Jake: Right on, bro.

Amy: I'm gonna go make sure there's enough balls in in the ball pit.
Jake: Yup. Important to get on them balls. What is wrong with me?

Jake: Good call. Blocking the door. Keep it up, smorty-pants.
Amy: Oh, uh- Mwah.
Jake: One of our classic forehead smooches, just like I planned.