Captain Holt: This is not a comment on you, Peralta. I just want to bring this guy down.
Jake: Yeah, that's all I want too. And to possibly say, "You can't handle the tooth." You know, if it comes up naturally.
Captain Holt: It won't.
Jake: It might.
Captain Holt: I actually think it can't.

Captain Holt: Look, I thought you had him on the calendar reveal. [sighs] But he was a step ahead. You got flustered, and I realized in the moment we could use this to our advantage.
Jake: So what do you want me to do, ask stupid questions?
Captain Holt: Stupid questions, grammatical errors, lose your train of thought, just ask him to confess ooh, relate everything back to those movies you've seen.
Jake: Kinda seems like a shot at me about "Die Hard," but okay.

Jake: So, shall we recap the night that Robert Tupper was murdered Friday the 22nd? I believe you were the last person to see him alive, correct?
Philip Davidson: No, I'd imagine whoever killed him saw him after I did.
Jake: Ooh, nice dodge. You're quick, like a cat.
Captain Holt: Like a dancer.
Jake: Like Great Tiger. From "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out". He could teleport around the ring. Most people thought it was impossible to get past him.
Philip Davidson: I beat him every time. You just punch him when he gets dizzy.
Jake: Really?! I mean, duh. Everyone knows that.

Jake: Hello, Philip.
Philip Davidson: Detective.
Jake: This is Captain Raymond Holt. He's a bit of a legend in interrogation circles. Hey, Cap, who's the scariest person you've ever gotten a confession out of?
Captain Holt: Connie Buttons.
Jake: Okay, thought it was gonna sound a little cooler, but no matter.

Philip Davidson: We just talked about Cheryl.
Jake: Right. And, of course, there's no way for me to check if that's true, because because whoever took Robert's phone wiped all of his calendars. Except it was all backed up on his home laptop. Would you like to hear what he said the meeting was about? "7:00 p.m. Talked with Philip about"-
Philip Davidson: Missing meds. Ooh. Did I get that right?
Jake: Uh, yeah. But "missing meds" hardly sounds like "firing Cheryl," so maybe you want to explain-
Philip Davidson: He thought Cheryl was stealing Diazepam. That's why he wanted to fire her. Any other questions?
Jake: Uh....

Captain Holt: Tell us about Friday.
Philip Davidson: I had a late afternoon surgery. Simple gum graft. It wrapped around 6:00, and then Robert and I talked after.
Jake: And who else was in the office?
Philip Davidson: Our hygienist and anesthesiologist had gone home, and Grace, who usually locks up, had left early because her grandson had a school play.
Jake: So it was just you and Robert.
Captain Holt: No witnesses.
Jake: That's lucky.
Philip Davidson: It wasn't lucky because there was nothing to witness. Robert just wanted to talk about firing one of our office assistants, Cheryl.
Jake: And that's all you discussed?
Philip Davidson: Yeah.
Jake: Nothing else?
Philip Davidson: Nah.
Jake: Zero other subjects were mentioned?
Philip Davidson: None.
Jake: Not even how gross gum grafts are?
Philip Davidson: They're really not that gross.
Jake: Liar! About the gum graft thing, and about the meeting.

Captain Holt: Boy, you really thought you had him with that one, huh?
Jake: Well, I-
Captain Holt: You got so excited for it. Let me guess, you, ah, practiced that notebook flip?
Jake: Well, yes, obviously.
Captain Holt: I'd like to move on, unless you have any other big revelations in here. Let's see. "I'm Gomez, You're Morticia, I feel so happy when I'm wit' ya."
Jake: I was just spit-balling wedding vows there.

Captain Holt: Let's get in here. Start working this guy.
Jake: Oh. You're gonna come in with me. I just thought maybe you'd watch from out here, you know, pull me out when I'm getting too hot. Call me a loose cannon. You know, classic Captain stuff.

Captain Holt: You're right. He did it. But we have no murder weapon, no witnesses, and you really didn't find any usable forensic evidence?
Jake: The body was discovered rotting in the Pine Barrens. It'd been rained on for weeks and chewed up by coyotes. The only other DNA other than the vic's was some bear semen found in the hair.
Captain Holt: Right. Who found the body?
Jake: Hikers. You're really just gonna blow past the bear semen detail?
Captain Holt: I imagine a bear mistook the rotting corpse for a female of its species and had intercourse with it. Nothing I haven't seen before.
Jake: It isn't?

Captain Holt: So, can I join you?
Jake: Well, a lot of these techniques do work better with two people: you know, good cop/bad cop, crazy cop/sane cop, fast-talking streetwise cop and Hong Kong cop, AKA the "Rush Hour". You know what? Let's do this. Let's break this son of a bitch!

Captain Holt: Peralta, do you know what I miss most about being a detective? A good interrogation. Breaking suspects down. Talking quietly and then talking real loud. Looking away and then looking right in their eyes. Leaning.
Jake: That was amazing.

Philip Davidson: I'm Philip Davidson. Detective Jake Peralta asked me to drop by.
Gina: Mm, the dentist who murdered someone. Spoiler alert: they think you did it. [to a cop] Can you show him to Interrogation Room C, please? Have fun in there.
Philip Davidson: Thank you.

Captain Holt: An interrogation with a ticking clock and everything on the line? I better call Kevin and tell him I won't be attending the opera. There's someone else I'd rather hear sing.
Jake: Oh, damn!
Captain Holt: Hello, Kevin. I won't be joining you at the opera tonight-
Jake: [whispering] Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were on the phone already. Oh, damn!

Jake: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Captain Holt: Kevin and I are attending the opera.
Jake: Ooh, the opera. Is it the one Bugs Bunny sings?
Captain Holt: [shrugs] Yes.

Captain Holt: What are you smiling about?
Jake: How uncomfortable this guy is. Jacked up the thermostat, got the table all sticky, made one of the chair legs too short, and worst of all, I had Gina greet him.
Captain Holt: What did you have her do?
Jake: Be herself.
Captain Holt: Poor son of a bitch.
Jake: Yeah.