Season 1 Quotes Page 1 of 38

Searching Search quotes

Quote from Jake in the episode The Vulture

Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.

Quote from Jake in the episode Operation Broken Feather

Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Tactical Village

Jake: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.
Captain Holt: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

Quote from Gina in the episode Charges and Specs

Gina: The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts. So I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.

Quote from Jake in the episode Pilot

Jake: Captain, hey. Welcome to the murder.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode Sal's Pizza

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode The Slump

Terry: Look, this screw has three pointy sides, and nowhere to screw it in! And there's wheels. What kind of castle has wheels?

Quote from Jake in the episode Tactical Village

Jake: When it comes to shooting patterns, I like to go PB&J. Penis, Brain, Jaw.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Unsolvable

Captain Holt: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Jake: Yes.
Captain Holt: I was hula hooping.
Kevin and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Captain Holt: I've mastered all the moves. [Shows photos on phone] The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.
Jake: Why are you telling me this?
Captain Holt: Because no one will ever believe you. [Deletes photos from phone]
Jake: You sick son of a bitch.

Quote from Rosa in the episode Old School

Rosa: And when this is over, I'm going to find you, and I'm going to break those little fingers.
Judge: Ms. Diaz, please stop threatening the stenographer!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords in the episode The Vulture

Holt: Still waiting, sergeant.
Terry: It's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Holt: You have a friend, who's just a silhouette?
Terry: Yes!

Quote from Jake in the episode Christmas

Raymond: Captains receive meaningless threats all the time. It's really no big deal.
Jake: Of course. Totally. I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that's right 'cause it threatens death!

Quote from Charles in the episode The Bet

Charles: Truth time. We love your husband. He's a great cop. We will do anything to protect him. And you have incredibly attractive hands.
And you! What are you doing, lying to your wife? Unless you want to end up moving into my ex-wife's new boyfriend's basement with me, you better man up. Don't you ever keep anything from this beautiful woman again.
Seriously, you are beautiful. If he ever lies to you again, you can call me.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode M.E. Time

Captain Holt: I threw away the photo because I think it's ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall.
Amy: Oh.
Captain Holt: But you would have me hang a Baroque oil painting of myself like I'm a North Korean dictator. What, no ornate gold frame? Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor?
Amy: We could add a horse.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Party

Jake: I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 561Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Submit Quotes