Season 5 Quotes Page 1 of 81

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Quote from Rosa in the episode 99

Charles: Okay, we can't get out until Monday afternoon, at the earliest.
Jake: I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I even told them that Scully was a Make-a-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.
Rosa: Did you call it Scullyosis?
Jake: Damn it, Rosa, that's really good and completely useless to me now.

Quote from Jake in the episode HalloVeen

Jake: Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.
Amy: No, no, it's okay. Go on.
Jake: I love how much you pretend to like "Die Hard."
Amy: I like the second one.
Jake: You don't have to.
Amy: Okay.
Jake: Yeah. You're kind, and you're funny, and you're the best person I know, and the best detective. Also, for reals, I love your butt.
Amy: I love yours too.
Jake: Gross. Amy Santiago will you marry me?
Amy: Jake Peralta, I will marry you.

Quote from Amy in the episode 99

Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance, and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!

Quote from Charles in the episode 99

Charles: Hey, Rosa, are you ready to go streaking?
Rosa: What?
Charles: That's what my dad and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.
Rosa: You just said you called it going streaking.
Charles: It had a couple names.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Game Night

Captain Holt: Diaz, you should be very proud of yourself. I know things aren't exactly where you wanna be right now, but, uh, I promise you they will improve.
Rosa: Thank you, Captain.
Captain Holt: Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Puzzle Master

Gina: I did a little sleuthing on your rivals. You want me to spill the beans?
Captain Holt: Why would you ever intentionally spill beans? They're one of nature's most densely packed protein sources, and they remain unsullied by flavor.

Quote from Charles in the episode Kicks

Charles: It looks like the perp knew what he was after. All he took was a shipment of thousand dollar limited edition Weezies designed by Little Wayne.
Jake: Oh, it's Lil.
Charles: Oh, like Lillian.
Jake: No.
Charles: Lillian Wayne.

Quote from Rosa in the episode 99

Rosa: I'm already seeing somebody, Boyle.
Charles: Oh, and just like that, things got interesting.
Rosa: And just like that, I left.

Quote from Amy in the episode DFW

Jake: Um, when was the last time you saw your dad?
Katie Peralta: I mean, I've only ever met him like nine times. Ten if you count the time he sent his co-pilot Steve to hang out with me, 'cause he was too hungover.
Jake: I remember Steve. He taught me how to shave.
Katie Peralta: He taught me how to shave.
Amy: Where?!

Quote from Amy in the episode Gray Star Mutual

Amy: Well, if I'm being honest, I would like a prettier dress.
Rosa: There you go.
Amy: And I would like it to have some lace.
Rosa: Uh-huh.
Amy: And a sweetheart neckline, thank you very much.
Rosa: What else?
Amy: And I want a mermaid cut with tulip sleeves.
Rosa: Say it again. Say it loud.
Amy: A mermaid cut with tulip frickin' sleeves!

Quote from Jake in the episode The Big House Pt. 2

Jake: So, I got assigned to this one rookie, and on his training day, I made him smoke angel dust at gunpoint. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.
Tank: Isn't that the plot and tagline of The movie "Training Day"?
Jake: Yes, great observation, Tank. That's because it's based on my life.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode The Big House Pt. 2

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Quote from Amy in the episode Kicks

Rosa: And now I don't know what to do.
Amy: I think you do know what to do.
Rosa: Thanks, Amy. (leaves the room)
Amy: I have no idea what she's gonna do but that's the safest way to give Rosa advice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yep.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode HalloVeen

Captain Holt: I know one of you took Cheddar, and you did it for the sake of the heist, but if anything happens to him, I will end you. I couldn't bring myself to neuter Cheddar, but I will neuter you all.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode HalloVeen

Captain Holt: Cheddar? Cheddar? Shake. Ah, good grip, pristine coat. That's my doggie! You betrayed me. You'll explain yourself later. Return to my office.

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