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Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Last Ride

Captain Holt: Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum.
Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all.
Never vacation in Banff.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Bank Job

Amy: The only celebrity I've ever seen in real life was Paul Shaffer. It was exhilarating.

Quote from Scully in the episode Halloween IV

Amy: Attention, squad.
Gina: Mm, pretty dainty way to make an announcement.
Amy: It's a workplace. I wanted to be respectful.
Scully: Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Skyfire Cycle

Captain Holt: Diaz, Santiago, settle a little tiff that Kevin and I are having.
Kevin: Let's be honest, Raymond, it's not a tiff, it's a row.
Captain Holt: And now it's a scene.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Overmining

Sergeant Jeffords: And, Gina, you can't run that space heater 24/7 anymore.
Gina: Space heater? Excuse me, this is a Fornax Radiant Comfort System, and her name is Jacinta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, well, Jacinta's gotta go.
Gina: He didn't mean that, darling.
Sergeant Jeffords: Seriously, turn off the space heater.
Gina: No.
Sergeant Jeffords: Do it, now. That's an order.
Gina: Yeah, well, you don't wanna start a battle of the wills with Gina Linetti because you will emerge from that battle a broken man. Not to brag, but I was name-checked in my kindergarten teacher's suicide note.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh my God.

Quote from Gina in the episode Chasing Amy

Jake: I can't believe this is happening. I didn't think there was any way she could fail the practice test.
Rosa: Well, we still have three hours until the exam.
Jake: First we gotta figure out where she is. All right, think. If you were Amy, where would you be right now?
Gina: Oh, uh, boring pantsuit store. A crossword factory? A museum of retainers and headgear? Is it possible to enter the color beige?

Quote from Jake in the episode Your Honor

Captain Holt: Enough! He robbed my mother.
Jake: No, he didn't. He's her lover. He's your mother's lover. He's lovering your mother.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode The Bank Job

Charles: Sarge, you think Gina will be okay?
Sergeant Jeffords: She says the doctor's can't be sure, but they're optimistic. Apparently, she has something called Ansel-Elgort Syndrome.
Charles: Oh, poor Gina.
Amy: Oh, my God.
Hitchcock: Oh, you fools. That's not a disease. Ansel Elgort's an actor. Did none of you see "The Fault in Our Stars"?
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Why did you?
Hitchcock: Teenage romance, dying chick, oxygen mask. Checks all my boxes.

Quote from Charles in the episode The Bank Job

Gina: How many times have I smacked you in your face?
Charles: Lost count.
Gina: And you still have no fear of me.
Charles: I'm trying to read your womb vibe.
Gina: Exactly. Knock it off.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: So I marched in there and I told him I wanted that assistant manager position.
Estelle: I wish my son had your backbone. Then he could finally divorce Emily. What does he see in her anyway?
Captain Holt: Probably her breasts, which are heavier than average. I don't mean to be crude, ladies, but that's just how the straight mind works.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 2

Captain Holt: Actually I borrowed $3,000 from my walking group friend Ruth.
[cut to Holt and Ruth power walking]
Captain Holt: Ruth, I'm going to be straight with you. I accidentally knocked up a woman.
Ruth: Greg!
Captain Holt: You know me. I see a pair of thick weighty breasts and all logic flies out the window.
[later]
Jake: Heterosexual you is such a dog.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Halloween IV

Captain Holt: Over the past month, I've had him trained to retrieve plaques. And now, boy, it's time to make Daddy proud.
Charles: Yes, sir.
Captain Holt: I could not have been more clearly talking to the dog.

Quote from Gina in the episode Halloween IV

Gina: I came back, wearing the perfect disguise to make sure I was never noticed by anyone. Something so drab and uninspiring-
Amy: This feels like it's gonna be a dig on me.
Gina: I wore Amy's clothes.
Amy: There it is.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Monster in the Closet

Rosa: What do you have in there?
Captain Holt: A balloon arch.
Rosa: Oh, my God, Captain. She is magnificent.
Captain Holt: Vindication!

Quote from Charles in the episode Mr. Santiago

Charles: [attempting to impersonate Holt eating a marshmallow] Ooh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm-hmm-hmm!
Jake: That's your Holt impression?
Charles: I can hear him doing that.

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