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Quote from Scully in the episode Halloween IV

Amy: Attention, squad.
Gina: Mm, pretty dainty way to make an announcement.
Amy: It's a workplace. I wanted to be respectful.
Scully: Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman with nice, heavy breasts.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Marshal Haas.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Greg.
[Jake arrives on his ATV, his engine revving]
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Larry.
Jake: I can't hear you. Can you hear me?
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: I cannot hear you.
Captain Holt: What did you say? We can't hear you.
Jake: I can't hear you; I think my engine's too loud.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: It's your engine. Turn off your engine.
Jake: I don't know how to turn off the engine. We should talk in your car.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Let's all talk in my car.
Captain Holt: Let's talk in the marshall's car.
Jake: I think we should talk in her-

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: So I marched in there and I told him I wanted that assistant manager position.
Estelle: I wish my son had your backbone. Then he could finally divorce Emily. What does he see in her anyway?
Captain Holt: Probably her breasts, which are heavier than average. I don't mean to be crude, ladies, but that's just how the straight mind works.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: I was already suspicious about your new positive attitude towards Florida, a state you once described as America's stinky butt. But then, after we met the marshal, you said something very strange.
Jake: It was "squirt-anly," wasn't it?
Captain Holt: No, something much stranger.
[cut to] Jake: [slowed audio] You were right.
Captain Holt: I knew then that you were up to something, so I followed you here. I guessed the combination on the first try: 69-69.
Jake: June 9, 1969, the day my parents got married.
Captain Holt: No, it isn't.
Jake: My mom's birthday.
Captain Holt: No.
Jake: The moon landing.
Captain Holt: Nope.
Jake: Fine, you're right. It's a completely random number.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: If that woman posts her camera phone video that she took with a camera phone camera to the Internet, Figgis could figure out where we are.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Hestus: But you guys getting ink, or what?
Captain Holt: No, I already have a tattoo.
Jake: What? Where? Why? How? When?
Captain Holt: I will never talk about it again.
[Jake groans]

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: We're not cops anymore. How are we gonna get access to those files?
Jake: Easy: I walk in there dressed as an exterminator saying I'm from 1-2-3 Pest Removal. Secretary's like, "Never heard of you." Then I'm like, [Scottish accent:] "Listen, lassie, it's best you let me speak with your principal." I hear it. I'm gonna drop the accent. She takes me to see the principal you walk in behind me and download the file.
Captain Holt: The only question is, where are we gonna find an exterminator's outfit?
Jake: We're gonna need khaki pants and a khaki shirt.
Captain Holt: To my casual wear closet.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Jordan Carfton: I'm uploading the video tomorrow at my cousin's wedding. Dog track has free Wi-Fi.
Jake: Would you ever consider not uploading it and deleting it instead? If our boss sees that video, we could be fired.
Jordan Carfton: I don't care about you. A great viral video like that could fetch me ten grand. And do you know what type of tanning bed I could get for that kind of money? A mid-range one.
Captain Holt: Not necessary. Your tan is great as-is. You look like an evenly-stained deck.

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: We don't have that kind of money.
Jake: Don't worry. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. The only thing I need you to do is-
Captain Holt: I'm not gonna show you my tattoo.
Jake: Come on, just give me a hint. Is it an antique boat? Is it a musket? Is it me on a dragon? ... Sir, is it me on a dragon?!

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Taylor: Damn, Greg, you are killing it as assistant manager. I mean, having the idea to have people come in at 9:00 a.m. that has really helped business.
Captain Holt: Yes, that is when the sign says we're open.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Can I take this for a test drive?
Jake: Yeah, sure. The ignition is here.
Captain Holt: I've ridden ATVs before antiquing in the Berkshires.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: What if we don't find Figgis? What if Figgis finds us? [holds up a smart phone]
Jake: But I thought you deleted the file.
Captain Holt: I was going to, but this camera phone camera is not the same kind of camera phone camera as I have, so I couldn't figure out how.

Quote from Charles in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 2

Amy: Guys, guys, the marshal gave me good news about Jake.
Charles: Jake's back. Jake's back! Oh, we're not ready. We need gummy worms. We need them now!

Quote from Jake in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 2

Jake: Also it probably goes without saying, but it's chill to whiz in this thing. I mean, I have been. You can if you want. I haven't been if you haven't. Have you? I haven't. Have you?

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