Trending Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Quote from Adrian Pimento in the episode The Bank Job

Adrian Pimento: Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire.
Jake: These are the ground rules? Is there anything off limits?
Adrian Pimento: Damn, man. You got something really sick you wanna do, huh? Oh, you little pervert. All right, I like it. Don't tell me. Surprise me. Ooh, this is gonna be fun.

Quote from Rosa in the episode He Said, She Said

Rosa: Look this is a hard fight. But it's an important one. It's good that you convinced her to press charges.
Amy: But she lost the money, and she had to quit the job she loves. That's exactly what you said would happen.
Rosa: But you got the guy who assaulted her. And look over there.
Amy: Keri's coworker?
Rosa: She came forward to report an assault because she was inspired by Keri, which is exactly what you said would happen. Two steps forward, one step back is still one step forward. You wanna take her statement together?
Amy: You know it, sister.
Rosa: Yeah, don't do that.
Amy: We can be different and still have the same cause.

Quote from Rosa in the episode Ransom

Rosa: By the way, I'm sorry that I didn't win you that stroller.
Amy: No, no, no, you were right. I don't need a Snoog. It's way too fancy. It is stupid.
Rosa: It's not stupid. I said you didn't need it because I already bought you a stroller for your shower this weekend, and it's just... isn't as fancy, and I felt bad.
Amy: Rosa, I would love any stroller you got me because it came from you.
Rosa: It's a Luftroller.
Amy: [pause] Oh, that is... That is a great stroller.
Rosa: I got you a gift receipt.
Amy: Thank you so much.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Skyfire Cycle

Rosa: Come on, sir, the math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Kevin apart. You two just need to bone.
Amy: [chuckles nervously]
Captain Holt: What did you say?
Amy: Don't say it again.
Rosa: I said you two need to bone.
Amy: [whimpers]
Captain Holt: How dare you, Detective Diaz. I am your superior officer! [shouting, five minutes later] Bone! [sternly, ten minutes later] What happens in my bedroom, Detective, is none of your business. [shouting, twenty-one minutes later] Bone?! [calmly, forty minutes later] Don't ever speak to me like that again.

Quote from Jake in the episode Cheddar

Jake: Bonjour, Captain. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Captain Holt: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Jake: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Last Day (Part 2)

Captain Holt: So, you're leaving. That must've been a hard decision.
Jake: Honestly... [looks at Amy] It wasn't.
Captain Holt: It's funny. On my first day here, I asked Jeffords to tell me about everyone. He told me you were a great detective, but the one thing you couldn't figure out was how to grow up. Well... I think you've finally figured it out.
Jake: Well, thank you, sir. I couldn't have done it without you.
Captain Holt: Over the years, you've sometimes referred to me as something of a father figure.
Jake: Did I? I didn't realize that.
Captain Holt: But I want you to know if I had had a son and, uh, he had turned out like you, I would be very proud of him.
Jake: Thank you, sir. Wow. Wasn't expecting to get this emotional.
Captain Holt: It's not bad for an old robot, huh? Beep-borp. Zeep.
Jake: [chuckles] Sir, did you just make a joke?
Captain Holt: I believe I did, yes. I guess in the end, we rubbed off on each other quite a bit. Title of your sex movie. Did I do that right?
Jake: It was perfect. [both chuckle softly]

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode A Tale of Two Bandits

Rosa: Damn, sir, you took that Charbonnay to the house. How you feeling?
Captain Holt: Let me take stock. My equilibrium is askew, my vision is partially impaired, and I'm clearly slurring my words. To put a fine point on it, your boy is turnt.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Negotiation

Doug Judy: So, is there a La Creuset pot on your registry, by chance?
Jake: Of course. You can cook and serve in them.
Doug Judy: And it looks amazing on your shelf. What's your color of preference? French grey or mineral blue?
Jake: Oh, you really do know your Le Creuset. French grey. Mineral Blue makes me want to barf.

Quote from Gina in the episode The Oolong Slayer

Jake: Wow. Never thought I'd live to see Holt side with the Vulture and Wuntch. Mark the day, Gina. May 18th at 4:00 p.m.
Gina: Oh, honey. We're well into October.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Full Boyle

Captain Holt: I'll work on my speech. How's this for an opening joke?
"You know what the toughest part of being a gay black police officer is?
The discrimination."
I believe that's what you call observational humor.

Quote from Hitchcock in the episode The Bimbo

Amy: Yes, that was a delicious lunch, Gary! And I agree, our group does seem happier than it was before.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, the pizza was that good?
Amy: Pizza? Right, that's what I said we were getting before we decided to uh-snazz it up.
Charles: Oh, you guys snazzed?
Amy: Yeah, we snazzed all the way to La Petite Creperie.
Hitchcock: I thought we couldn't say "snazz." Oh, no, I was thinking of [bleep]. We can't say [bleep]. Carry on.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Payback

Captain Holt: Huh. Meat from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Hah. I'm a poet and ... I didn't even know I was rhyming those words. But it happened anyway.

Quote from Amy in the episode Jake & Amy

Amy: Okay, well. I've been planning this wedding for the last six months. And if you told me yesterday everything that was gonna go wrong, I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER. But I'm here, and I've never been happier. Life is unpredictable. Not everything's in our control. But as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. But I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
Jake: What?
Amy: Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.

Quote from Charles in the episode Serve & Protect

Charles: I'm not saying blackmail him blackmail him. We just insinuate that we know what's going on and let him fill in the blanks.
Captain Holt: Oh, so it's like he blackmails himself?
Charles: Uh-huh, you just go up to him and say, "Commissioner Grayson, how's your wife?"
Captain Holt: Commissioner Grayson, how's your wife?
Charles: No, that just sounds like you really wanna know how she is. Insinuate. Maybe add a pause before "wife."
Captain Holt: Commissioner Grayson, how's your ... ... wife?
Charles: Too long.
Captain Holt: Felt it. Ugh, this is not my strong suit.
Charles: No, no, sir, sir, sir. You're doing great. Just forget the pause. Use your eyebrows like this. How's your "pump, pump, pump" wife.
Captain Holt: How's your pump, pump, pump wife.
Charles: Eh, it was a little bit better in my head. Try this. How's your "pump" wife "pump, pump."
Captain Holt: End on a double pump? That's risky. He'll see right through me.
How about "Pump, pump" how's your "pump"?
Charles: You forgot to say wife.
Captain Holt: Ah, good note.
Charles: How 'bout this? How's your "pump" wife "pump", Grayson, "pump"?
Captain Holt: That's the one.

Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Coral Palms Pt. 1

Captain Holt: Here at the Fun Zone, we live by one rule: when it's your birthday, you're always cool. Parents and kids are all the same. Watch as I do a dance to your name. [steady drumbeat] D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek. D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek.
Jake: Again.

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