Captain Holt: No, no, no. He didn't ruin it, he solved it. The absolute value of psi. Nikolaj cracked the equation. Boyle, your boy is a genius!

Captain Holt: Wait. Why is he writing the solution to my formula for no reason? And why is he drawing colorful underpants beneath it?
Charles: Oh, I see what's happening. He's drawing Boy Riga, loyal sidekick to his favorite cool superhero, Captain Latvia.
Nikolaj: That's his symbol. He distributes grain evenly among the working class.
Captain Holt: Uh-huh. I see. So this was all just some coincidence. He wasn't writing absolute value of psi. He was just doodling.

Jake: Wait. I've got it. I know how to distract Terry. Captain, remember how you cancelled the last Halloween heist because there was that emergency gas line explosion and you said we had to "help out"?
Captain Holt: Yes, I also remember you refusing to believe the explosion was real.
[flashback:]
Jake: Go back to acting school, buddy. You're way overselling the pain here. No one's buying it!
[present:]
Jake: Well, it's not like I was the only one who thought it was fake.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: And the Oscar goes to Trent.

Sergeant Jeffords: I take my test at 6:30.
Jake: You know what, Terry? You're kind of making this a nightmare. Maybe you just shouldn't participate-
Captain Holt: So this really isn't about helping out Sergeant Jeffords?
Jake: What?
Captain Holt: I guess I'm out.
Jake: But no, no, no, no, come on. Of course I'm 100% in support of Terry. In fact, I'm going to team up with him.
Sergeant Jeffords: Let's do this.
Captain Holt: You are so easily manipulated. Now you're stuck with Sergeant Dumb Dumb.

Captain Holt: No movement yet. So here's our plan. After watching everyone coo over your maudlin proposal, I've decided we should employ a similar diversion.
Amy: Smart, I'm in.
Captain Holt: You will tell Jake you are pregnant with his child.
Amy: What? I'm not pregnant.
Captain Holt: Here is a positive pregnancy test and a sonogram of your fetus. Congratulations. It's a girl.
Amy: Feels a little mean to play with Jake's feelings like that, sir.
Captain Holt: You're right, it is mean. Too bad. As your mentor I command you to do it.
Amy: Wow, okay.

Captain Holt: Aah, perfect.
Amy: What? What happened? You know where the bracelet is?
Captain Holt: No. Kevin has arrived with proof that I am the only two-time winner of the heist.
Kevin: Here's your cummerbund, Raymond.
Amy: We don't have time for this, sir. I'm gonna go search the first floor.
Captain Holt: And I will search the second floor. We are an inseparable team. [to Kevin] That was a devious fib. I'm betraying her even as we speak.

Rosa: Hey, Kev.
Captain Holt: Diaz and I are covertly working together. She snuck up through the vents. This is a major reveal. I feel like you're not appreciating it.
Kevin: I don't like these heists, or what they bring out in you.
Captain Holt: Oh, clam it, Kevin.
Kevin: "Clam it"? Cheddar, perhaps we should leave.
Captain Holt: No, Cheddar stays. He still has an important role to play. Give me Mr. Hootsworth. No one would ever think of looking for the bracelet in Cheddar's favorite chew toy.

Captain Holt: Don't apologize to him, Terry. It's his first heist. He needs to learn. Keep going.

John Kelly: Listen, you know what would help you catch this guy? I just launched a new app, HotClues. Are you familiar with it?
Captain Holt: The one that allows civilians to submit anonymous tips directly to the NYPD? Yes, I'm familiar with HotClues.
John Kelly: Great. You know, it's actually helped us solve 17 cases, so I think we should ask for the public's help with this one.
Captain Holt: No, study after study has shown that soliciting anonymous tips results in false leads and wrongful convictions.
John Kelly: Hmm. Tell me how you really feel.
Captain Holt: I did.
John Kelly: And I loved it. Such passion.

Captain Holt: Detectives, Commissioner Kelly is back and he found his way here on his own without any tips from the public. How impressive is that?

Captain Holt: Well, I'll be. That's some nice police work, Peralta.
Jake: And Charles.
Captain Holt: I especially like how you found evidence, followed up on it, and it's lead you closer to a solve.
John Kelly: No, I agree, Peralta. It's excellent work.
Captain Holt: You must've hated saying that.
John Kelly: No, I didn't. I like giving compliments. You have a nice deep voice. It is very commanding.
Captain Holt: Cut the crap, John. You're furious. And everyone can tell.
John Kelly: See? Very commanding.

Jake: [phone ringing] Oh, it's Holt. I didn't tell him what we were doing.
Charles: I'll act natural.
Jake: You're not gonna be on the phone call. Just do nothing. [answering phone] Hey, Captain.
Charles: What delicious water I'm drinking.
Jake: [growls] Sorry that we didn't check in before we left. We're just down at the DMV following up on the Saturn owners.
Captain Holt: Lies!

Captain Holt: Baba Booey? Is that a clue?
Jake: Uh, I don't know what Baba Booey means, actually.
Charles: It's a popular prank phrase from Howard Stern.
Jake: Charles.
Captain Holt: Oh, from a shock jock. Well, that changes everything. Now we have a credible break in the case. Baba Booey!

Captain Holt: Gentlemen, there's something I need to say. I gave you such a hard time about using Commissioner Kelly's app because I was being petty. I wanted him to fail and I took it out on you and for that I am very...
Jake: Oh. You kind of trailed off there, sir. Were you going to finish your sentence? It felt like you were going to say you were sorry.
Captain Holt: I did. Boyle heard it.
Charles: Uh, I would remember if someone said my catch phrase.
Captain Holt: Fine, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
Jake: Apology accepted. I am so proud of you.
Captain Holt: Peralta.
Jake: You're right. I'll rub it in later.

Jake: That was our last obstacle, except for one other thing. I promised her that you would apologize for everything you've ever done to her.
Captain Holt: Including the Michelle Obama incident?
Jake: Yes, she mentioned that specifically. I'm very curious what happened there.
Captain Holt: Oh, it's nothing. But fine. I'm sorry, Madeline, for everything.
Jake: Hey.
Captain Holt: Especially for pushing you into Michelle Obama from behind and then running away.
Jake: What?
Amy: Sir!
Captain Holt: It was very funny.