Captain Holt Quotes Page 72 of 74

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Quote from the episode The Mole

Captain Holt: Miller may be in Internal Affairs, but he wasn't here on official business. You sent him to spy on us. That's a flagrant ethics violation, Madeline. And it could sink you.
Madeline Wuntch: Fine, you're right. But you can't prove that. It's just your word against mine.
Jake: Ooh, actually, it's your word against you. Pardon me. I put a recording device in this dope drive, so I got your whole conversation.
Captain Holt: You're going to leave my precinct and my task force alone. Or else... You're Wuntch meat.
Jake: You sure you wanna go with that one?
Captain Holt: Absolutely. It's hilarious.

Quote from the episode The Mole

Charles: Jake, I'm so sorry I lied to you. I mean, I wanted to tell you so badly. But I promised Gina I wouldn't tell anyone.
Jake: You kept a promise to a friend. That sounds like the Charles I know. Just like I know everyone here.
Captain Holt: Yes, you do. Although, there is something you didn't know about me. My middle name... is Jacob.
Jake: What..?

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Captain Holt: Great, I'll just leave my paella on the ground, save it for later.
Jake: We all know that's not your lunch!

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Jake: So, the shooter was standing right here. A standard long gun would've ejected the casing right over there, where Holt is already putting down an evidence marker.
Captain Holt: Yes, I found it quite quickly.
Jake: Great, thank you for saving me the trouble of doing my job.
Captain Holt: Oh, sorry. Would you like me to pick the evidence marker back up so you can place it on the ground?
Charles: Yes!
Jake: No, of course not. Good work.
Both: I bet the shooter went that way.
Captain Holt: Sorry.
Jake: Yeah, it's okay.
Both: Follow me to the service entrance.
Captain Holt: Ugh, we did it again. I'm so sorry.
Jake: It's really no problem.
Captain Holt: Great! Follow me, everyone!

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Captain Holt: I have a headline. "Pitt, Clooney Laugh At Jake Peralta For Arresting the Wrong Man."
Jake: Well, I don't know if they would laugh at me for saving what, did you just say I got the wrong man?

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Captain Holt: I told you to treat me like any uniformed officer. It's not my fault that you don't know how to give an order!
Jake: Okay, fine. Here's one. We're lifting the lockdown, go pick up cones.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Ooh, I love cone duty!
Captain Holt: Debbie, can it! We have the wrong guy. You cannot lift the lockdown.
Jake: Go pick up cones, that's an order.
Captain Holt: No!
Jake: Fine, then you're off the case!
Captain Holt: Good.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Do I still get to pick up cones?
Both: No!

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Captain Holt: Debbie, wait. Change of plans. We're not going back to the precinct.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Are we gonna go rogue and pick up cones?
Captain Holt: Oh, we're going way more rogue than picking up cones. Listen, it's unlikely our shooter had his own hot dog cart where'd he get it from?
Officer Debbie Fogle: Please don't make me help you with this.
Captain Holt: My guess is the food cart garage just two blocks away from our crime scene, or, shall I say, 238 steps.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Don't tempt me with steps.
Captain Holt: This is a defining moment for you. You can either obey orders for the rest of your life and make no impact on the world, or stand up! And solve this case with me.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Is there a third option?
Captain Holt: Nervously tag along.
Officer Debbie Fogle: Great. I choose the nervously tag along option.

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Captain Holt: So you were the shooter, just like I said. And the man in the hoodie was just some random bystander on whom you tried to pin it!
Frank Murwin: No, he was in on it too.
Captain Holt: Oh. Well, I'm still half right.
Frank Murwin: Sure. Is that important to you?
Captain Holt: Very.

Quote from the episode Captain Kim

Sergeant Jeffords: That sucks, Jake, but I don't think Captain Kim is a Trevor.
Jake: Oh, really? She could have had her choice of any precinct. Why would she choose this lame temporary posting here? I'll tell you why. Because Madeline Wuntch sent her.
Sergeant Jeffords: So what do we do?
Jake: I'm glad you asked. You know how she wants to have individual meetings with us to assess our "personal strengths" and help us "achieve our goals?"
Captain Holt: Stupid B.

Quote from the episode Captain Kim

Jake: Well, looks like we just found the key to exposing Captain Kim. ...
Captain Holt: It's the key that's in her pocket.
Jake: Yes, obviously that's what I meant.

Quote from the episode Captain Kim

Jake: Maybe you could create a drunken scene or something?
Captain Holt: Why? What would my motivation be for such poor behavior?
Jake: I don't know. Anything.
Captain Holt: No, I need something to draw from. Have I had a row with Kevin? Did something happen to Cheddar? Has a new captain moved into my precinct, usurped my position, and won the affection and admiration of people I've spent seven years building relationships with, people I once considered my chosen family, whom I foolheartedly hoped would provide me the unconditional support that I never got from my own flesh and blood?
Jake: I think you should go with the last one.
Captain Holt: Yeah, the last one seemed good.

Quote from the episode Dillman

Captain Holt: Jeffords, evacuate the precinct. I'll contact the bomb squad.
Jake: No, no, no, no, no, wait. I think this actually might have been a prank that malfunctioned. Look, the box was connected to a tank of compressed air under the desk. It was supposed to shoot glitter at whoever opened it, but something must have clogged the pressure release valve, and the tank exploded.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wow. The silver lining is no one got hurt.
Captain Holt: And the lead lining is that this prank caused significant property damage in the precinct.

Quote from the episode Dillman

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, I know this is important, but I kinda gotta go. Cagney and Lacey's recorder concert's in an hour and I promised that I...
Captain Holt: No one leaves until the culprit is brought to justice.
Sergeant Jeffords: But they're playing "Uptown Funk."
Captain Holt: I wouldn't care if they were playing actual music.

Quote from the episode Dillman

Jake: I will not, however, in order to solve this case, we need the very finest of detectives, one with a unique set of skills, someone named...
Captain Holt: Dillman! I'll call Dillman!
Jake: Who?!

Quote from the episode Dillman

Captain Holt: Don't worry about Dillman. He's the best detective I've ever worked with.
Jake: Or you just keep talking him up because you don't want us to notice how weird it is that you brought in a friend to work the case.
Captain Holt: We're not friends. My only friends are James and Julian.
Jake: Hurtful, but I still think it's strange that you won't let me run the investigation... Unless, of course, there's something you're scared I might find.
Captain Holt: Excuse me?
Jake: Where were you between 12:20 and 12:55?
Captain Holt: You aren't seriously suggesting that I am the prank man.
Amy: It does seem a little far-fetched, Jake. I mean, he did just use the phrase, "prank man."
Jake: It's not far-fetched at all. Holt is not the joyless robot that he once was.
Captain Holt: Is this about the time I ate a burrito? I was pressured into it.

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