Charles: Lucky for you, Amy, I am an unlicensed doula. I've delivered three of my cousins and one of my uncles long story.
Jake: Go away!
Charles: Yes, Papa.

Gina: Charles, get your chicken leg off my desk. I don't want your money, Boyle.
Charles: What's going on?
Gina: Nothing, I just realized that I just love old, sour bread so much!
Charles: Come on, Gina.
Gina: Fine! I put it under my desk and my space heater burnt it to a crisp.
Charles: [screams] You're a murderer!

Charles: Guys, why are you fighting? You're best friends.
Hitchcock: Every Sunday after church, Scully and I have dinner together at Wing Sluts.
Charles: We know. You get ribs and White Russians and watch "Undercover Boss."

Sergeant Jeffords: I figured it out, Boyle. They've been acting like kids, so I'm gonna treat 'em like kids.
Charles: Ooh, Daddy's gonna dish out some Daddy discipline. As a fellow daddy, I approve.
Sergeant Jeffords: Stop saying "daddy."
Charles: You got it, Papa Bear.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hmm, I actually kinda like that one. Makes me feel strong. Anyway, I'm gonna take away something they love until they stop fighting.
Papa Bear punishment.
Charles: Daddy like!
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle!

Charles: Why are you in here?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm hiding from Hitchcock and Scully. I can't take anymore. They got into a meatball fight at breakfast. They win. The bullpen is theirs.
Charles: No way, Papa Bear. When Nikolaj and his best friend fight, I have them do an activity together, like a puppy puzzle. Makes 'em cooperate.
Sergeant Jeffords: So are you saying we give Hitchcock and Scully a case and make 'em work it together?
Charles: No, no, no, we give them a puppy puzzle. Now let's go to town on 'em daddy-style.

Gina: Mm-kay. It's fine. You might as well know. I am with child.
Amy: Congratulations.
Charles: Yes, I'm gonna be an uncle. I'm gonna be an uncle. All right, someone take a picture of me kissing her belly.
Gina: Negative, get out.

Gina: Charles, what are you doing?
Charles: Damn it, Gina. What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to unlock your phone using a mask of your face so I can find out why your mom left my dad.

Gina: Charles, weirdly, you're kind of the person I'm the closest to here. Don't say why.
Charles: Because I was your brother and your lover? Sorry, I can't control my tongue around you.
Gina: All right, well, here.
Charles: The Boyle family mother dough starter! I'll think of you every time I handle her.
Gina: Oh, man. You know, I never really understood the logic behind the two of us. But I love you and I'm gonna miss you.
Charles: I'm gonna miss you too, Gina.

Amy: Some things are worth clinging to. I was wrong. Or Niles Bunkampf, the inventor of Munkensmat, was wrong.
Rosa: Yeah, that guy's an idiot.
Amy: Was an idiot. He got rid of all his objects, including his clothes, and froze to death in a snowdrift.
Charles: Why didn't you tell us that before we burned all our treasures? Eight framed photos of my dad, up in flames.

Captain Holt: Our killer cut the victims open and ripped out their hearts. Now, before I assign this case-
Jake: Five dollars.
Captain Holt: What?
Jake: I'm bidding for it. I want this so badly.
Captain Holt: That's not how we-
Rosa: $20. Just to make this interesting.
Charles: $100 for Jake to have it.
Captain Holt: I was going to assign the case to you and Peralta but perhaps I should give it to Diaz instead.
Charles: $200.
Captain Holt: It's not about the money, Boyle.

Jake: Look, we can handle this, sir. Do we joke around sometimes? Yes, but when it's time to buckle down, we're seasoned professionals.
Charles: That's why they call us the Spice Boys.
Jake: They don't and they won't.

Jake: I say we role-play, see if something sparks. Darling, thank you for a lovely dinner. Perhaps we should have one more drink before bed.
Charles: [high-pitched voice] Don't you "darling" me, you philanderer.
Jake: No, you're the husband. The husband had the affair.
Charles: I'm always the victim. I don't want to be the victim.
Jake: Okay, Charles is the door.
Charles: No. I'll be the victim. Don't make me a door again.

Charles: Okay, the reporters are all set for your press conference. It's your big moment, are you excited?
Jake: No.
Charles: Oh. Are you worried about your voice cracking? Do you want me to help you warm up your throat?
Jake: What would that entail?
Charles: I'll just show you.
Jake: Don't show me, tell me.
Charles: I blow hot air into my hands and I stroke your neck.
Jake: That's not gonna happen, and it's not why I'm stressed.

Don Levierel: Hey, you, cool guy. Were you flirting with my girlfriend out back?
Charles: Calm down, hotshot. I'm taken. Look, I'll throw away her number.
Don Levierel: That's it, you and me outside.
Charles: Oh, brother. Come on, guys. I've got to go squash this bug.

Captain Julie Kim: Everybody, the dog's leashed up out back. Did anyone get hurt?
Nick Slade: We're all fine, thanks to this guy. Tackling a pit bull without spilling your whiskey, badass.
Don Levierel: Eh, it was nothing. His teeth couldn't even penetrate the jacket.
Nick Slade: Hey, I have a spot opening in a weekly poker game. You interested?
Charles: But you said I could come.
Nick Slade: I just think Broadway star Sutton Foster is gonna like the other guy a little bit better.
Charles: No.