Rosa: Hey, Boyle, I need a recommendation for a good restaurant. It's Marcus's birthday and I want to do something ... nice.
Charles: Ooh, do you want like classic-romantic or gastro-sensuous?
Rosa: Ugh. Never mind.

Jake: All right, how much do I owe the rest of you?
Charles: Four thousand and nine dollars.
Jake: What?! How is that even possible?
Charles: June 3rd 2008, paid for you lunch - $8.45. June 3rd 2008, bought you a soda - $1.05. June 4th 2008, lent you $4,000 for an entertainment system.
Jake: There it is.
Charles: Stopped keeping track after that.

Jake: Terry needs the money.
Gina: For what?
Jake: Uhm, for butt enhancement surgery.
Charles: Smart. That's a real problem area for Terry.

Charles: You think I'm bothered by a little spilt milkshake? I'm a food blogger. I'm stained all over!

Charles: Jacob, have you done any of the catharting exercises I gave you?
Jake: Well, I don't have a bathtub, so the first two pages are out. And it's the middle of winter, so where would I "dance in a fountain"?
Charles: Indoor malls, Jake. Indoor malls.

Charles: Actually, my dad can really rock a turtleneck. It gives him a sexy Elliot Gould vibe.

Jake: Hey, Charles, I want to ask you something but you have to promise to not get excited and weird.
Charles: I can't promise anything of the sort.
Jake: It's about restaurants.
Charles: I'm so glad I didn't make that promise.

Charles: I like Turner and Hooch. Tom Hanks, a reluctant friendship with a dog. That hits me where I live.

Jake: Fun side note, I later lost my virginity to Mrs. Stratton's daughter. It was very fast.
Charles: Nice.

Gina: They accidentally put a stone in mine.
Charles: Oh, no, no, no, that's the hoof. That's the best part of the stew. Think of it as marrow-nougat wrapped in a thick toenail.

Charles: So, how was lunch?
Sergeant Jeffords: It was good. I had the T-Bone.
Charles: I don't give a crap about the food. Just email me about that later. What happened with Gary?

Charles: A little homemade honey yogurt infused with lavender and love.
Sergeant Jeffords: Mmm. That is delicious. Hold it, this isn't some weird breast milk, is it, Boyle?
Charles: I mean, technically it's from a sheep's breast.

Charles: I need your help moving this old Ms. Pac-Man machine I bought.
Rosa: Why are you so obsessed with that game?
Charles: Because it's the sexiest videogame ever. She's insatiable, Rosa. Insatiable. Insatiable-
Rosa: Stop saying insatiable.

Charles: If you're going in, I hear this place has an amazing bone marrow custard. *laughs* Not that I've ever tried a bad one.

Rosa: Clearly you don't know me at all.
Charles: What? We're friends. I was building up to calling you Ro-ro one of these days.