Jake: We need to blend in. Stretch your leg above your head.
Amy: What? You stretch your leg up over your head.
Jake: You don't think I wouldn't if I could?

Jake: Man, I wish you hadn't read that Annie Liebowitz book.
Charles: Quit calling it a book. It was a visual journey. You probably think I should shoot this in colour instead of black and white.
Jake: Yes, shoot colour. Why would you even shoot in black and white?

Jake: New trip name, AC/DC, Atlantic City Detectives Club.

Jake: Juicy. Juicy. Good call. Good call. Tight. Tight. Tight.

Charles: Ooh, I can't wait to read that book. What are you gonna call it? "Go ahead, Jake my day".
Jake: No, yours is much better.
"Case closed, Jake open".
I know. I said yours was better.

Captain Holt: That's enough chit chat, already.
Jake: Come on. How many people have to die before you start having fun?

Rosa: Jake, you need a jacket or something.
Charles: Well, Scully left his sports coat back there. Oh, but it'll never fit Jake's athletic body.
Unless.
Jake: No, I don't want to do that.
Charles: You have to.
Jake: I'm not going to do it.
Charles: You're doing it.
Amy: What do you have to do?
Jake: Don Johnson it.

Jake: Man, I forgot how long your signature takes. I'm just gonna watch Braveheart on my phone, real quick.

Jake: Hey, I'm about to sit down with internal affairs. I figure that I will charm them with a couple of quips about my own internal affairs. Talking about my tum-tum.

Jake: Kev!
Kevin: Jake, it's after midnight. This had better be about a murder.
Jake: No. I wish.

Jake: Why would I be the mole?
Captain Holt: You were just caught sneaking classified material into the precinct. You spent six months undercover in the mafia and have many criminal contacts. You've been known to flaunt departmental rules and regulations, and you are deeply in debt.
Jake: Well, if you hadn't tricked me into getting car insurance, I wouldn't be in debt.

Jake: Not to over state it, but I'm definitely gonna die alone, and work is all I have.

Amy: Hey, did you send that from your personal or work account?
Jake: Personal. It's a personal matter involving a personal friend and his personal uncle.
Amy: So you remembered to turn off your signature, right?
Jake: Oh, no.

Captain Holt: I've been planning how to zing Madeline when she puts the medal on. I have the perfect line. "Wuntch-time is over.
It's a play on lunch time.
Jake: Yes, devastating burn, sir.

Jake: Turn the other cheek. Which I recently learned is about faces and not butts, but works either way.