Kevin: And Peralta, I hope this will do. It's a can of Orange Soda from when some other children visited.

Dean Wesley Allister: And a big round of applause for Janitor Randy for recovering our precious coin.
Jake: Don't applaud for that man.
Dean Wesley Allister: What's going on?
Jake: What's going on is, Captain Holt just solved this case.
Dean Wesley Allister: What's there left to solve? We found the coin in Professor Port's desk. He's the thief.
Captain Holt: Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that, wouldn't you, Dean Allister? Or should I say, General Parmenion?
Kevin: Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle?
Captain Holt: Yes. Sometimes a moment calls for a kerfuffle.
Kevin: No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle. You know my feelings on this.

Kevin: The problem wasn't what you said. It was that Dean Allister pointed out your mistake, and you lost your damned mind.
[flashback:]
Captain Holt: I misremembered it because I'm reading both simultaneously. One book is too few for me. Where is everyone going? [Holt knocks over a vase]
[present:]
Kevin: It was quite the kerfuffle.

[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Man, I am so sick of Jake saying he is the only two-time Halloween heist winner.
Captain Holt & Amy: I'm the only two-time Halloween heist winner.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: I can't believe everyone says you're not helpful during the Halloween heist. Just because they all think your fingers are too big.
Charles: We'll show them.
[flashback:]
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks for inviting me over for dinner. Boy, that's hung in a real prominent place, isn't it?
Kevin: Not for long.
[present:]
Kevin: I was manipulated?
Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry, Kevin.

Jake: Okay, Kevin, we need to recreate your morning and see if we can find some clues.
Kevin: All right, Cheddar and I entered on the east side of the park over past those trees... Oh, how he loved those trees. Jake, I don't know if I can do this.
Jake: Yeah, you can do this, I'm right here with you. We're gonna get through it together. Now let's go. [Kevin coughs] Oh, hey, Kev, bud, couldn't help but notice that when I said, "let's go," you didn't go. You stayed here and stared at that bench.
Kevin: Cheddar loved benches. He'd run up to them. Sniff their legs. Paw at them with his...
Jake: Paws, sure, that's what you paw with.
Kevin: [clears throat] I'm sorry. This is impossible. Everything I see reminds me of Cheddar. The grass, the asphalt, squirrels... Cheddar loved squirrels.
Jake: Oh, stop.
Kevin: He loves to chase them. I suppose I should say loved. He'd never get there. He's like...

Jake: We need to get over to that gate and recreate your morning, and if seeing all these things is too much, then just focus only on me. Okay. All right, stare straight into my eyes.
Kevin: Very good, I will stare straight into your eyes.
Jake: Okay. Oh, wow. Piercing. Huh, okay, so let's do this. And we are heading to the east gate, we're doing great.
Kevin: This is working. I can do this.
Jake: Here we go.
Kevin: I'm doing it.
Jake: You're looking away.
Kevin: No, I'm not.
Jake: Stop looking away.
Kevin: I'm not.
Jake: Don't look away.
Kevin: But I see leaves.
Jake: No!
Kevin: Cheddar loved playing in leaves. Didn't matter what kind. Oak, maple, elm.
Jake: Wait, I hate to cut you off, but look what I found. Security camera.
Kevin: Cheddar loved security cameras.
Jake: How is that possible?

Jake: Sir, we're back. Find anything in the case files?
Captain Holt: Yes, most of them were useless, but one caught my eye. On May 15th, 2004 detectives arrested Frank Kingston, leader of the 16th Street Gang. Thanks to the testimony of confidential informant, Kingston served 16 years. He just got out last month. And you think he wants the file to figure out which one of his guys turned on him to get revenge.
Jake: It's a Vendetta.
Kevin: [Italian accent] Vendetta.
Jake: Sure.

Jake: Hello, sir. How'd you find us out?
Captain Holt: Mahler's Fourth Symphony. He'd never sit in just any section.
Kevin: I might. I'm flexible.
Captain Holt: Oh, really? You'd sit center left? In timpani alley? I'll purchase those tickets right away. [Holt pauses for a long time with his finger over his cell phone]
Kevin: ... No, don't!

Kevin: And then I said, "Which 'Metamorphosis'? Kafka or Ovid?"
Captain Holt: [laughs]
Kevin: He loves it. He loves it.
Captain Holt: [sighs]
Kevin: So that's the joke. Now, you tell it.
Jake: Oh, okay, [clears throat] So a professor walks in to a rare books collection...
Kevin: No, you've ruined it. Now it's not funny.

Kevin: Whoomp.
Jake: There it is! Got to say, I could have used a little more oomph on the whoomp.
Kevin: That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get.

Kevin: Raymond, am I too late?
Captain Holt: Too late?
Kevin: My friend saw your dating profile and your photo without collar stays. I thought I'd lost you.
Captain Holt: You will never lose me. I'll do anything to keep you. I'll compromise on everything. The work, the... [Kevin kisses Holt]
Rosa: Nancy Meyers never fails.
Amy: Now that we're doing it, it feels kinda weird to be staring at your friends while they kiss.
Scully: Are you kidding? It's beautiful.
Captain Holt: I love you.
Kevin: I love you.

Jake: No! No more credentials, please. I don't want to have a structured debate.
It's an idiotic way to decide something.
Amy: What?
Captain Holt: How dare you?
Kevin: [v.o.] Is he insane?
Gail: [v.o.] Raymond, Kevin, I'll be reporting this.

Captain Holt: Since this has become about me, I'm gonna have to abstain from this round as well, but Kevin is still standing by.
Kevin: Actually, I feel as though your personal relationship with Peralta affects me too. Luckily, I had Gail standing by as well.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my God, you guys know Gail?
Jake: Who's Gail?
Kevin: Vice president of the Debaters Club.
Captain Holt: This is a very big deal.
Gail: [v.o.] Do you need to hear my credentials? License number U as in uniform, 7-

Jake: "Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree, 'cause this boy's comin' home."
Kevin: "Con Air". What have I become?

Kevin: Or perhaps you employed "Face/Off" technology.
Captain Holt: What?
Kevin: I broke down and watched one of Peralta's action films. I'm lying, I watched them all, including one wherein a man's head turns into a flaming skull.
Jake: "Ghost Rider", and "Ghost Rider 2". Both master-pie.
Kevin: Yes, I need your help, Raymond.