Sergeant Jeffords: But you never know when you're gonna find your dream person.
Anyone on the street could be they.
Rosa: All right, it feels like you Googled "how to talk to your bisexual friends."
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.

Jake: Ah. There you are. I've been looking all over. Woah. That's a lot of yolks. Are you stress eating again or is this just a small Terry snack?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm stress eating, Jake. My snack yolks are in that bowl.

Sergeant Jeffords: Rosa! What the hell are you doing?
Rosa: What? You were the one that said-
Sergeant Jeffords: That was before the veil went missing, when life was breezy!

Alicia: So I only had one passenger after you, and he got off here.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, what did he look like?
Alicia: I don't know. I mean, he was wearing some dumb hat. I'm sorry, I know that's not helpful-
Rosa: All hats are dumb. Ha! [snort]
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell? Is that your laugh?

Captain Holt: Jeffords, get him into holding.
Sergeant Jeffords: With pleasure. You're about to have a really bad day. Give me that. Look at his pants, ladies. They're relaxed fit. Uh-oh. Is that a braided belt?

Jake: It's empty.
Amy: And there's nothing plugged in to the Internet port.
Jake: But Knox said he got a NOS ping. I mean, NOSes don't just ping themselves, guys.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, stop. You're not fooling anybody. You don't know anything about computers.

Captain C.J. Jason Stentley: Here's how it happened. I had an appointment at my dermatologist at 402 7th Avenue. But I went to 204 7th Avenue by mistake. It's like numbers are so crazy, am I right?
Hitchcock and Scully: Amen.
Sergeant Jeffords: Not really.

Amy: I think we all agree that C.J. is, to put it mildly, not very impressive.
Sergeant Jeffords: I watched him try to close the blinds in his office for 40 minutes. He finally just gave up and changed his pants with the windows wide open.

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, come on. Get down from there.
Heather Monitz-Glausch: Do you know who my father is? He's in business. That's where you actually make money at your job.
Sergeant Jeffords: I make money. I make good money.
Heather Monitz-Glausch: That can't be true. Otherwise, you wouldn't still have that chin.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? Nobody ever said anything about my chin? Boyle, is something wrong with Terry's chin?
Charles: I don't want to get involved.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, my God. It's true.

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Santiago, come with me a sec.
Amy: Why? So you can show off some new cool thing that C.J. got you? Let me guess, golden suspenders?
Sergeant Jeffords: Can you imagine? I would look amazing.

Sergeant Jeffords: Amy, I won!
Amy: You did it, Sarge. You're gonna get our power usage down.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't care about that crap. I took down Gina Linetti. I did the impossible. Terry is back on top. Diaper up!

Captain Holt: Now let's pick teams.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've got a ton of work. You can just leave me out this year.
Jake: Interesting. Interesting.
Amy: Oh, Terry, Terry, Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Captain Holt: How naive do you think we are? You're "not participating" so you can sneak under our noses and steal a victory, like Santiago did last year.
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm going to my desk. Heists are dumb.

Rosa: Look who I found hiding in the interrogation room: this guilty son of a bitch.
Sergeant Jeffords: Still your sergeant.

Jake: Okay, why don't you two lock down the nurses' station while Amy and I secure the room?
Amy: Actually, I'd rather be with Rosa.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh-oh.
Rosa: Damn, Jake.
Jake: [sighs] Thanks a lot, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: You told me to sing!
Jake: Yeah, but what was all this?
Sergeant Jeffords: That's just Terry being Terry.

Adrian Pimento: When I was in that Uzbek prison, choking on my own blood because my face was being beaten in, I realized, life is funny!
Sergeant Jeffords: That's what you realized?