Jake and Amy Quotes

Jake and Amy Quotes

Quotes from Jake and Amy's relationship including their first date, the first time they said "I love you", their engagement, wedding, and the birth of their child.

Quote from Jake in the episode HalloVeen

Jake: Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.
Amy: No, no, it's okay. Go on.
Jake: I love how much you pretend to like Die Hard.
Amy: I like the second one.
Jake: You don't have to.
Amy: Okay.
Jake: Yeah. You're kind, and you're funny, and you're the best person I know, and the best detective. Also, for reals, I love your butt.
Amy: I love yours too.
Jake: Gross. Amy Santiago will you marry me?
Amy: Jake Peralta, I will marry you.

Quote from Charles in the episode The Bet

Charles: Jake, do you know why little boys pull little girls' pigtails on playgrounds?
Jake: Because they're so easy to grab, they're just begging to be pulled.
Charles: Because they like the girls and that's the only way they know how to get their attention.
Jake: What are you saying?
Charles: All of this teasing. This elaborate date. Somewhere deep down, you like Amy. Like like her like her.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Mattress

Amy: He said he'll point him out to us. So you approach on foot from the south, and me and Devon will be in an unmarked car here.
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. "Me and Devon"? Didn't you mean "Devon and I"?
Amy: Oh, God.
Jake: I corrected your grammar! Are you so proud of me? Are you horrified? Are you super horny?

Quote from Jake in the episode New Captain

Amy: Rule number 3: Let's not have sex right away.
Jake: Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. Good rule. No sex. Good rule.

Quote from Amy in the episode Jake & Amy

Amy: Okay, well. I've been planning this wedding for the last six months. And if you told me yesterday everything that was gonna go wrong, I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER. But I'm here, and I've never been happier. Life is unpredictable. Not everything's in our control. But as long as you're with the right people, you can handle anything. And you, Jake Peralta, are the right person for me. But I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding as well.
Jake: What?
Amy: Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors.

Quote from Jake in the episode HalloVeen

Jake: Look, no one gave me the idea. I decided to ask Amy to marry me all on my own on April 28th.
Amy: [GASPS] There's a typo in this crossword puzzle.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Cruise

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from Jake in the episode Casecation

Amy: So did they defuse the bomb?
Jake: Yeah, one of 'em. Oh, you didn't hear? There was a second bomb. Ya butt. Ya butt is da bomb.
Amy: Aww. On our anniversary.

Quote from Amy in the episode Honeymoon

Jake: Okay, you ready?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: Hello.
Amy: Oh, my God. Are you Melvil Dewey?
Jake: Indeed I am. I invented the Dewey decimal system, but right now I'm working on the Do-me decimal system.
Amy: Mm-hmm, yeah. This is really working for me.
Jake: Really?
Amy: Yeah.
Jake: Awesome.
Amy: So, Mr. Dewey, can you save me from the terrorists that have taken over Nakatomi Plaza?
Jake: Yes, Holly Gennaro, I just need to file them in the library card catalog.
Amy: Yeah, this is really hard to track. Let's just take our clothes off.
Jake: Oh, thank God. This old jacket is so hot.

Quote from Jake in the episode Undercover

Jake: Hey, so listen, the thing I said to you before I went undercover, about how I wished something had happened between us romantically, that wasn't nothing. That was real.
Amy: What are you saying?
Jake: I know that you're with Teddy. I'm not trying to change that. And I get there's stuff I can't control. But this morning I told you that I didn't mean any of it, and that was a lie. I just don't want to hold anything back.
Amy: Well, thank you for saying that. Just as long as we're clear I'm with someone and nothing is going to happen.
Jake: "I'm with someone and nothing is going to happen." Name of your sex tape!
Amy: He's back.

Quote from Jake in the episode Ding Dong

Amy: Well, I called the doctor to see if that was a common side effect and apparently, it isn't.
Jake: Oh, no. Is everything okay?
Amy: Yeah. She did have one guess as to what might be causing it. And, um, she was right. [holds up pregnancy test]
Jake: [exhales] Ames. Are we having a baby?
Amy: We're having a baby.
[elsewhere, Boyle bolts up in bed:]
Charles: It happened!

Quote from Jake in the episode New Captain

Jake: So, we broke a rule.
Amy: Yeah. Hope it wasn't a mistake.
Jake: "Hope it wasn't a mistake." Title of your sex tape. Oh! Title of our sex tape!

Quote from Jake in the episode Karen Peralta

Jake: All right, what I am about to say will make you very horny, but you have to try and remember that we're still at work. Do you want me to quiz you?
Amy: Oh, God, yes.
Jake: Wow.

Quote from Jake in the episode Charges and Specs

Jake: I don't know what's gonna happen on this assignment, and if something bad goes down, I think I'd be pissed at myself if I didn't say this. I kinda wish something could happen, between us, romantic styles.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Cruise

Amy: Thank you for doing this. I love you.
Jake: Noice. Smort. I love you too.

Quote from Jake in the episode Jake & Amy

Amy: How are you so calm right now? Someone is trying to blow us up.
Jake: I'm calm because there's not really a bomb. I mean, if you're trying to kill someone, you don't call and give them a heads-up.
Amy: So they're just trying to scare us?
Jake: Yeah, but it doesn't matter. The bomb squad's on their way. They'll do a quick sweep, find nothing and split, and this will just become a funny story we work into our vows. "Amy, there was a bomb at this wedding. Ya butt. Ya butt is da bomb."
Amy: Please don't say that during the ceremony.
Jake: Is it that you don't like wordplay or you don't want me to talk about your butt at all? Because one of those notes is really gonna pull a thread.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Venue

Jake: I never realized I could have feelings this strong about a building.
Amy: Okay, we just have to drop off our deposit, and then we're done for the day.
Jake: [in posh British accent] Well, it would appear that we have achieved what scholars refer to as the "toitest of nups"!
Amy: [in British accent] Indeed!

Quote from Amy in the episode New Captain

Amy: So, how do we keep it light and breezy? I know. A comprehensive set of rules.
Jake: How am I attracted to you? Doesn't matter. I am, go.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Venue

Jake: A Nakatomi Plaza cake? The groom is on a licorice hose.
Amy: [as Bruce Willis] Welcome to the wedding, pal.
Jake: Oh, Amy. These nups may be getting too toit.

Quote from Jake in the episode Lights Out

Jake: [sighs] Are we gonna be okay at this? I mean, this entire day felt like a warning from the universe. I almost missed the birth, we had our baby at the precinct, a firefighter touched our child.
Amy: You washed him off?
Jake: Yeah, but I'll always know.
Amy: Babe, we talked about this. Everyone balances work and kids.
Jake: Yeah, but everyone's not a cop.
Amy: True, but... when our son wants to hear about the day he was born, we get to tell him that his dad helped a bunch of people and foiled a bank robbery.
Jake: Guess that was kind of cool. [laughs] And his mom managed a city-wide emergency while actually giving birth.
Amy: [sighs] I'm proud for our son to have you as a dad.
Jake: Me too. For you to be the mom. I wasn't just agreeing with the nice thing you said about me.
Amy: I love you.
Jake: Love you too.

Quote from Jake in the episode Operation Broken Feather

Jake: Ah, Santiago. Before you go in there, there's something I have to say. I'm sorry I said you were a bad partner. I was the bad partner. The truth is, our job isn't always great. I mean, sometimes it sucks. But it sucks a little less when I get to do it with you. So when you said you were gonna leave, I freaked out, and that was dumb. I should've been more supportive. You're a great Detective, and they'd be lucky to have you. In fact, if it helps, I wrote you a letter of recommendation, which is riddled with spelling errors, I might add. Including the word, "recommendation," which is just... I don't have to tell you about that. There's no way there's four "m"s in that word, right?

Quote from Jake in the episode The Venue

Jake: The point is, these nuptials are going to be "toit"!
Amy: Speaking of "toit nups," we better get going, because we don't have a lot of time and we have to meet with 17 wedding vendors.
Jake: A jam-packed schedule that could only be achieved by a type-A personality!

Quote from Jake in the episode New Captain

Amy: Rule 1. Let's not tell any one so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smort. Rule 2. Let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend. We're just mermzeep and jinglebin.

Quote from Jake in the episode The Bet

Amy: Do I really have to wear this all night?
Jake: You know the rules. The date starts now and ends at midnight. I decide what you wear, what you eat, and where we go. Oh, and there is one more rule. No matter what happens, you're not allowed to fall in love with me.
Amy: Won't be a problem.

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