Amy: You did it!
Rosa: I did it! Oh, that was great! I love being independent. I have to go to the bathroom.
Amy: Oh, okay, I'll help you.

Amy: Perhaps we should discuss some other options.
Captain Holt: There's no time, look. Peralta's going for the bracelet.
Amy: How'd he get him free so quickly?
Jake: See ya later, losers.
Amy: Not so fast.
Jake: [TASER CRACKLING] [GRUNTING] What the hell was that?
Amy: That Fitbit I gave you at Christmas? I modified it into a taser.
Jake: What? Do you even want me to get into shape?
Amy: Yeah, but not as much as I want to win. Buzz buzz, bitch.

Sergeant Jeffords: So I found out where they're transferring me. And, you know, I'm feeling pretty good about it.
Rosa: Oh. Somewhere nice? Upper West Side?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, even better. Staten Island.
Rosa: [bursts out laughing] Good one, Loot. Where you really going?
Sergeant Jeffords: No, I'm serious. Staten.
Rosa: Wait, they're transferring you out of New York?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's part of the City!
Amy: Is it, though?

Sergeant Jeffords: Who am I kidding? We'll never save enough to keep me at the Nine-Nine.
Amy: You're right. The only way to free up that money is if you fire someone.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? I can't just fire someone without cause.
Amy: Come on. We all know there's a bunch of dead weight around here. Sloppy paperwork, penmanship fails, phone etiquette that makes me want to barf. Let's axe a dud.
Rosa: Damn, Amy. I am loving this shade on you.

Amy: I'm making a Christmas present for Captain Holt. I know, I know. He has a strict "no gift" policy, but I found a loophole.
Sergeant Jeffords: Like your loophole last year?
[flashback:]
Amy: So I was just gonna throw out this brand-new squash racquet, but then I thought, "Hey, maybe the Captain could use it."
Captain Holt: I don't want your garbage.
Amy: No, it was a very expensive gift.
Captain Holt: Aha, suspicions confirmed.

Captain Holt: The new NYPD commissioner is planning a complete reorganization of the force. But first, he'll be sending a deputy chief to every precinct to conduct a top to bottom evaluation.
Amy: What? When? Are we gonna be graded? Or is this just some pass/fail garbage?
Captain Holt: Scale of one-to-five.
Amy: That's how many letter grades there are. Feels like they're just being weird using numbers instead of letters.
Rosa: Yeah, they're being weird right now.

Amy: Excuse me, captain, I don't want to say that I saved the day, but I will because I did. So... The letter of recommendation she wrote for you 25 years ago.
Captain Holt: Where'd you get this?
Amy: I just went down to one police plaza and applied some of my signature Amy charm.
Gina: And then when you wouldn't stop, they just gave it to you?
Amy: More or less.

Amy: You're just gonna let her fail us?
Captain Holt: I'm sorry about your precious grade, Santiago, but this isn't about you.
Amy: Don't "this isn't about you" me! I'm "this isn't about you"-ing you!

Amy: He's kicking so much. You wanna feel? No! That's a bad idea! Oh, my baby! It's on the side!

Amy: This is a new car. I won't have you Jake it up with donut powder.

Sergeant Jeffords: Santiago!
Amy: Ah!
Sergeant Jeffords: What's going on here? Is everything okay?
Amy: Yeah, totes! [dabs] Right, Rosa?
Rosa: Uh, totes. [dabs]
Sergeant Jeffords: Why is everyone being all weird today? Just get back to work and be normal.
Amy: Yes, sir! Will do, we'll be normal. Nothing to stress about here. Hey, Fuzzy Paws! I'm paying you to work, not lick your butthole!
Rosa: Yeah, I'm gonna get you a pregnancy test.

Amy: Stop it, Terry, okay? We haven't been talking about you! Oh. Kicking. I think kicking's working.
Rosa: Told you. Go with it. Keep kicking that can.
Amy: It worked, I have to pee! I finally have to pee!
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, this is about you having to pee?
Amy: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Wow. I guess I owe you guys an apology. I may have been bringing some things from home into the workplace.
Amy: Yeah, that was clear from the start, okay? Now, move, I need to find a bathroom.

Jake: NYPD, nobody move!
Rosa: You're surrounded! Don't do anything stupid.
Frank Murwin: Looks like we got ourselves a standoff.
Rosa: Fine by us, we got all the time in the world.
Amy: What? Uh-uh! I gotta pee!
Rosa: Perp secured.
Amy: Great, okay, cool! I gotta go! You guys are good, right? Bye!

Amy: Hey, so today was pretty intense.
Jake: You mean catching the shooter? I know, it's a great story. I just hope Pitt can get in good enough shape to play me in the movie, you know?

Amy: I got this, fellas. It's a preconceived, often prejudiced notion about a group of people.
Brad Portenburg: Great, and can anyone tell me what a protected class is?
Amy: A group of people with a common characteristic that is legally protected from employment discrimination.
Brad Portenburg: And how many protected classes are there?
Amy: 20.
Brad Portenburg: Wow. It seems like I have myself a star pupil.
Amy: Honey, you have no idea.