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Quote from the episode Full Boyle

Charles: I can't wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon-feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you.
What am I doing?
Jake: It's okay. I hung up right after "Chucklebunny".
Charles: Help me. I've gone Full Boyle.

Quote from the episode 48 Hours

Charles: You just graduated pie school, bitches.
Sorry I said bitches, I'm just really worked up.

Quote from the episode The Big House Pt. 2

Amy: I understand, but we've been watching Hawkins for a month, and we have nothing to connect her to the robberies. Maybe we should pursue other routes.
Charles: Um, some of us are already pursuing other routes, Amy. [flashback] "This is Charles Boyle, and you're listening to A God in Shackles. This podcast is brought to you by Fun Frames, make your spectacles a spectacle."
Amy: And how is your podcast supposed to get Jake out of prison?
Charles: I lay out the facts, people see he was framed. I build an audience. I get a celebrity listener. It's Debra Messing. She tweets a link. Now Sean Hayes is involved.

Quote from the episode Kicks

Jake: We gotta solve this on our own. And I think I know how. I found a lead on the dark web.
Charles: Nice. The dark web. It's the only place you can buy quality bat meat.

Quote from the episode Captain Latvia

Jake: So, pretty crazy how you took out that Latvian mob guy back there.
Charles: I know, I felt like a superhero, like the Hulk's mom.
Jake: Why the mom?

Quote from the episode The Road Trip

Captain Holt: Anyway, tomorrow's my anniversary with Kevin. I'd like to cook him an impressive breakfast. Could you help orient me with that process?
Charles: I'd be honored. Preparing food for one's lover is the most intimate gift of all. Aside from washing their hair.

Quote from the episode Manhunter

Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, you're in charge of the manhunt for the shooter.
Jake: Oh, my God, it's a manhunt. And I'm the Manhunter.
Charles: And I'm your sidekick, the Boyhunter.
Rosa: Come on, dude.

Quote from the episode Sabotage

Charles: You're useless. You are completely useless. You are, without a doubt, the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I am including that bomb sniffing dog that humps all the bombs.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Gina: She's got a type, which is really any one but you.
Charles: Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type, too.

Quote from the episode The Vulture

Jake: God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your twenties?
Charles: You know how it is. When you have a chance to bed an older woman, you-
Jake: No, that is not an older woman. That's an old woman! That's someone's grandma!
Charles: She was, actually. That's how I met her. Went to college with her grandson Marvin. Don't don't knock it till you try it. She had a replacement hip with some serious torque. It was like having sex with a Transformer.
Jake: No. That is no one's fantasy.

Quote from the episode The Ebony Falcon

Jake: Yes! The Ebony Falcon soars again.
Charles: The Ebony Falcon. His feathers are muscles.

Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather

Charles: Darn it. I had a belly dancing class. Tonight was Egyptian undulation.
Gina: Oooh, show us some moves.
Charles: Sure.
Captain Holt: Dismissed!

Quote from the episode Captain Latvia

Jake: Did you unbutton another button?
Charles: Eyes up here, Jake. So, did you learn anything, or were you just staring at my body the whole time?

Quote from the episode Greg and Larry

Charles: We're not going anywhere. The flight is booked, and there's already a huge stand-by line.
Amy: What? We have to get on that plane. Were you stern?
Charles: Amy, you know I wasn't.

Quote from the episode Captain Latvia

Charles: Come on, focus, Jake.My boy's happiness is at stake. I mean, read the email Genevieve just sent me. Skip the part about her bra.
Jake: Impossible, it's in all caps, bolded. Oh, here we go: "Nik-Nik is so excited you're getting him Captain Latvia." And then there's a photo of him karate chopping a cat.
Charles: Oh, yeah, that's Captain Latvia's move, the Riga Hammer. You hit a guy here, he goes down instantly.
Jake: Sounds a little far-fetched.
Charles: Okay, well, tell that to Captain Latvia's enemies. Oh, wait, you can't ... because they're unconscious.

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