Jake: Charles, look, you're gonna find your way out of this, I swear. It's all gonna work out.
Charles: You're right. You know, if I just work hard and stay positive, I'm sure it'll be a huge success and everything will be okay.
Jake: There you go.
Charles: [phone ringing] Hello? Oh. Okay. No, thank you. So my truck burned down.

Charles: No, no, tonight is about creating a bond that will last forever. Tonight is about The Batch Boys.
Jake: Eh, we can brainstorm the name later.
Charles: No, we can't because I already made fanny packs.
Jake: Ah, well, that settles that.
Captain Holt: This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys".
Charles: No, it's "batch". You know, like the beginning of "bachelor". I've been working on this for ten years don't ruin it!

Charles: If I could have your eyes, ears, and emotional cores, I'd like to take you all on a journey.
Jake: Wow, you got a lot of photos of my birth.
Charles: Your mom didn't have any pics, so I had to call the hospital.

Charles: Captain, your coin, please.
Captain Holt: I ate mine.
Charles: You ate your coin?
Captain Holt: Yes, I thought it was chocolate.
Charles: But you hate chocolate. It has "too much taste".

Jake: Oh, Charles. Come on. Of course, things are gonna change. I'm getting married. I mean, didn't you make me less of a priority when you and Genevieve got together?
Charles: [long pause] Yes.

Jake: Okay, Charles. How do I look?
Charles: So cool. How do I look?
Jake: Uh, you definitely made a choice. You almost look like-
Charles: Speed Racer? Right? This is exactly what he wears! And the best part is I can use the kerchief to start the race!
Jake: Well, I wanted this op to feel normal, and it does. This is quintessential Charles.

Charles: Oh, my God, they're in a penis punch 69!

Charles: So does this van have side-impact airbags?
Sergeant Jeffords: Not in the back.
Charles: Oh. Interesting. No judgment here.

Jake: All right, so I go to the first case smash steal a bunch of watches.Move over to the second case smash bracelets. But then, we hear a sound-
Charles: And I yell, "Les gendarmes! Ils sont ici!"
Jake: And I know what that means because I'm French, but I ask you to repeat it in English, just to be sure.
Charles: Police are here.
Jake: Yes!

Jake: Gah, this stupid limp is slowing me down. Charles, can you-
Charles: Oh, give you a piggy?
Jake: What?
Charles: Yeah, jump on it I'll give you a piggy. [snorts]
Jake: Actually, I'm good. I was just gonna ask if you'd hold my bag.
Charles: Oh, yeah, sure, makes more sense.

Jake: What's up, Nine-Nine? Jake Peralta here to tell you that tonight is the night for the-
Sergeant Jeffords: Halloween Heist. Amy already went over this.
Jake: What? Ames, what are you doing? I always announce the heist.
Charles: Yeah, Amy, what the hell are you doing?

Charles: I love her so much. I wanna marry her butt so bad.
Rosa: To Genevieve's butt!
Charles: To Genevieve's butt!

Charles: Do we really wanna go where "Pirates of the Caribbean" took place?
Gina: Yes! [cheers and applause]
Charles: No! That movie gave us nightmares for months!

Charles: Thank you for coming along with me on this manhunt. I needed your help.
Rosa: No problem, who are we looking for?
Charles: He's a one-armed smuggler from the dunes of Tunisia. He goes by the name of Senor Riff Raff.
Rosa: You're taking me to that foot massage place.
Charles: I am taking you to the foot massage place! I made that whole thing up.
Rosa: Shocking.

Charles: Damn it, we have to shut them down.
Rosa: Wait. Let's not be hasty about this. Let's think this through. We wanna be smart about this.
Charles: Right, I mean, what if we bust them tonight, and then tomorrow I'm chasing a murderer, and I'm about to get him, and my foot cramps up?
Rosa: Due to lack of massaging.
Charles: And then the murderer gets away.
Rosa: And you know who he kills next? The mayor.
Charles: Oh, my God, the city has no mayor now.
Rosa: It's chaos. Rioting, looting, panic in the streets.
Charles: They gotta call in the National Guard, there's tanks rolling down 5th Avenue, declaring martial law.
Rosa: It's insane. All because we shut down the foot massage place.
Charles: That was doing God's work. What were we thinking.
Rosa: So it's agreed: we let them stay open for the sake of the city.
Charles: For the sake of the city.
Rosa: We have to do our stupid jobs, don't we?
Charles: Yeah, let me get my stupid gun.