Rosa: I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight and got stuck.

Jake: So Jimmy Jabs, huh? What do you say we make it interesting this year? Aha! We could play for Katie's number.
Rosa: No. Is this why you wanted to do Jimmy Jabs?
Jake: No. Yes. Why? What gave it away?
Rosa: You said, "aha" and snapped your fingers.

Captain Holt: No one has anything to say?
Rosa: Captain, what you just saw was the Jimmy Jab games. It's a bunch of dumb contests we play to kill the time. Nobody even cares who wins.
Amy: I won!
Rosa: It's stupid, but we like it.

Rosa: Where were you? This is chaos. Gina's been filing evidence by "perp hotness."

Charles: I'm so sorry, I just got some bad news. My sister was gonna go with me to an engagement party but she had to cancel.
Rosa: So go alone. Maybe you'll meet some new bag.
Charles: It's my ex-wife Eleanor's engagement party. I can't go alone. I'm worried it might seem a little pathetic.
Rosa: Yeah, if only you could've gone with your sister.

Rosa: We put a lot effort into making this place nice. Look, weird crystals.

Rosa: Right, that's the guy you said the lame stuff about. Like he's a good listener.
Amy: Sorry, what do you look for in a guy?
Rosa: I don't know, real stuff. Like the shape of his ass.

Sergeant Jeffords: Talk to him, that's what friends do.
Rosa: Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's your plan for dealing with this?
Rosa: That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.

Charles: We can fill his locker with shaving cream and loose hair.
Rosa: I like it. I cannot believe that I'm considering a non-violent option.

Rosa: Next time I catch him shaving I'm gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.

Rosa: Well, Lohank's a stubble monkey. I hate him and his face garbage.

Rosa: Boyle, call an ambulance. I'm gonna do some stuff to him.

Charles: Hey, Rosa. I want to apologize. I haven't been much fun to hang out with over the last year or so. On account of all the asking you out and smelling your hair and staring at you from point blank range.
Rosa: Yeah, you were a real weirdo.

Rosa: Blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill you.

Bill: Name's Bill Voss, just got this thing in the mail, said I won a free Bahamas cruise!
Sergeant Jeffords: Congratulations, Bill! *Holds up police badge* You have six outstanding warrants for credit fraud!
Bill: Oh, man! Can't it wait 'til I get back from the Bahamas? I won a cruise!
Rosa: You're not very bright, are you, Bill?