Rosa: How's it going, Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: Not good. I'm reading this book on religion, and apparently there's some debate as to what God is.

Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell, Diaz? You trying to make your heart explode?
Rosa: I'm loading up on coffee because it's a pain in the ass getting to the kitchen now, and I don't want to come back here.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is this about the desks?
Rosa: Yes, Terry, it's about the desks. How long is Commissioner Kelly going to punish us because Captain Holt complained about him to the mayor?
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know, but I hope it ends soon. Terry's shoulders weren't built for tight spaces. It's bonk city in here!

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, Doug, I'm sorry for not trusting you. Turns out you had nothing to do with this.
Jake: Oh, so you admit people can change.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes. Bruce Banner's pants and shirt were correct.

Rosa: [laughs] He is terrible.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, it's almost like casting a robotic old nerd was a huge mistake.

Sergeant Jeffords: This is nasty. Terry hates bugs. Too many eyes and legs.
Captain Holt: Would you still hate bugs if I told you that there were thousands of tiny mites that live in your eyebrows and keep them from being weighed down by oils?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes!

Rosa: Look, I really think we should go with the feds on this.
Captain Holt: No, we're bringing in Yee. I'll make the call right now.
Amy: Oh, can I listen on speaker?
Rosa: Oh, my God. It's gonna be a long couple of days.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're telling me. I got bugs in my brows, Rosa.

Rosa: Speaking of bad looks, Sarge, what is going on with your eyebrows, man?
Sergeant Jeffords: I shaved them off. 'Cause of the bugs. Sharon said you couldn't notice.
Rosa: Sharon lied, Terry. You look like a straight-up fool.
Sergeant Jeffords: Damn, Rosa.

Sergeant Jeffords: All right, guys, this fanboy stuff is a little much.
Captain Holt: The only thing that's a little much over here are your scrawled-on eyebrows. Yeesh.
Sergeant Jeffords: Seriously? I thought they worked.
Rosa: They do if you wanna look like a mean drag queen.
Sergeant Jeffords: I knew I should have done a flatter arch. This is a nighttime look.

Jake: This is bad.
Sergeant Jeffords: I know. He's been like that all day.
Jake: No, I was talking about your eyebrows. Whatever's going on up there is real, real bad.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, it's better than having two bug hotels above your eyes.
Jake: But wouldn't they also be in your goatee?
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't do this to me, Jake.

Sergeant Jeffords: So who looks stupid now?
Rosa: Uh, Terry, your left eyebrow is missing.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I must have rubbed it off. There it is. Who looks stupid now?

Amy: Hey, Sarge, a package was delivered to my desk downstairs, addressed to the 99th Precinct, attention: Sergeant, but it's not for me. It's a book.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sounds like something you'd order.
Amy: "How to Please Your Wife: 100 Tips to Take Your Sex Life from Blah to Ahhhh."
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. That's not mine.
Amy: It also shipped with two gallons of protein powder.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I get my protein from real food. 22 meals a day, 1 every 40 minutes.

Amy: Okay, we'll just leave the book here, and whoever did order it can take it when nobody's looking.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's not mine! Terry doesn't order books online. He supports local bookstores. They're dying, Amy!

Jake: Okay, why don't you two lock down the nurses' station while Amy and I secure the room?
Amy: Actually, I'd rather be with Rosa.
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh-oh.
Rosa: Damn, Jake.
Jake: [sighs] Thanks a lot, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: You told me to sing!
Jake: Yeah, but what was all this?
Sergeant Jeffords: That's just Terry being Terry.

Sergeant Jeffords: And they are getting so manipulative. Yesterday, Cagney pretended to be hurt, I went in to help her, and Lacey snuck in the kitchen and stole two cookies.
Jake: Oh, my God. Your children are monsters.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, those are my kids, man. Back off.

Charles: Guys, horrible news. The fridge broke this morning. Everything's warm.
Sergeant Jeffords: Doesn't seem like that big a deal.
Charles: Your yogurt's spoiled.
Sergeant Jeffords: Who did this?