Sergeant Jeffords: Hello, Mrs. Judy? I'm looking for your son, the architect. Yes, I'm from black NASA.
Jake: [whispering] Is that a thing?

Trudy Judy: [sobs] I'm sorry. It's just so sweet.
Sergeant Jeffords: The mulch thing?
Trudy Judy: No, how Doug saved him.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, are you upset? Where are you going? Are you embarrassed about your singing?

Trudy Judy: You should feel these. They're like two baseball bases. Make 'em pop, daddy.
Sergeant Jeffords: Daddy's not sure this is the time.

Sergeant Jeffords: 6,203. 6,204. I am so glad I lost this bet. I never find time for things I enjoy.
Jake: This is so unsatisfying. You're not even sweating.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's too easy. Get on my back, Jake.
Jake: No, I'm not-
Sergeant Jeffords: Get on my back, Jake!
Jake: Coming, strong man!

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, can I talk to you guys?
Rosa: Ugh, you're not selling those crapola candy bars for your daughters' doomed basketball team again, are you?
Sergeant Jeffords: Doomed?
Rosa: Yeah. They're terrible and you know it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, I'm not selling candy. That's next week. Please bring cash.

Amy: Okay, Marie Kondo came up with a system to unclutter your life. You look at an object, and if it doesn't bring you joy, you throw it away. Try it, Sarge.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hello, backup pair of suspenders. Do you bring me joy? Yes, because you have tab endings and a sweet leather yoke. I'm so glad you're in my life. I guess I'm keeping 'em.

Amy: Well, Sarge, what's it gonna be, pictures of your kids or those suspenders?
Sergeant Jeffords: Terry can't throw his family away, but these are nice suspenders.
Amy: Are they special in some kind of way?
Sergeant Jeffords: Damn, Amy, I told you about the leather yoke!
Amy: Terry, you're clinging. Munkensmat.

Sergeant Jeffords: What is all this junk on my desk? It's not very Munkensmat.

Charles: Okay, now, I trust that both of you had a chance to review the script?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.
Charles: Good. Now throw them away!
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell? I wrote notes in the margin. Terry found his super-objective.

Sergeant Jeffords: So all this was just to make me mad?
Charles: I need you to feel the anger and resentment that Tyrone McCallister feels every single day of his life.
Sergeant Jeffords: Who's Tyrone McCallister?
Charles: You are. That's the part I wrote for you all along.
Rosa: This is so stupid, Boyle. You can't manipulate somebody like this and then expect them to get on board. Right, Sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: Sarge? My name's Tyrone. Tyrone McGallagher.
Charles: McCallister.
Sergeant Jeffords: McCallister.

Rosa: Hey, Sarge. Holy crap. What the hell is that?
Sergeant Jeffords: That is a bug-free zone is what it is. I bleached it. I'm smarter than they are, Rosa.
Rosa: Uh-huh. What about your nose hair?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, man. Terry forgot about his nose.

Rosa: Hey, what's up? You guys having a little coffee? That's cool. Yee's a fraud.
Captain Holt: What?
Amy: Excuse me?
Sergeant Jeffords: Those nasty-ass bugs don't smell blood. And they must not smell bullcrap, either, 'cause he's spewing it everywhere.

Sergeant Jeffords: Can you help me put up these flyers around the office?
Amy: Mm-hmm. "Lost sex book. Delivered by accident to Sergeant Jeffords, who doesn't need it." Terry, come on. Nobody cares about your sex life. Just take the book home.
Sergeant Jeffords: [laughing] Take someone else's book home? That's stealing and mail fraud. I can't believe you would even suggest that.

Amy: Look, I think it's so great that you've been married so long and want to keep it fresh. I hope Jake does that for me if our sex life ever takes a dip.
Sergeant Jeffords: Dip? Oh, there is no dip. Just ask Sharon.
Amy: Oh, no, please. I don't want to do that. That's not necessary. It's okay. I believe you.
Sergeant Jeffords: [on the phone] Hey, hon. Yeah, could you tell Amy how good I am in bed? Because I'm a sex machine who- Oh, on speaker? Oh, hey, girls. How was school?