Jake: Hey, love the sweater. Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer?
Charles: Well she shall see what we shall see.
Jake: No, you're dressed exactly like the Lady Killer.
Charles: Damn it. This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again.

Jake: Look, I know that we didn't find any drugs, but I still think it was worth the risk.
Charles: Well, I think it was a crap circus. This whole operation is blown. If you ask me, the Beatsie Boys should be called the Thoroughly Messed-Up Millies.
Jake: What?
Stevie: I can't even imagine what you're going for.
Charles: I was being devastating!

Charles: And I'm Twink Tucker.
Jake: You cannot choose your own name any more.
Charles: I got a job at the docks to support my drug habit, but I kept it - (In an Irish accent) Because I love the seagulls.
Jake: What, are you Irish now? No.

Amy: Oh, come on! Where did you guys even come from?
Jake: (HORN HONKS) Your nightmares. Hey, Amy, allow me to introduce you to Big Bertha.
Charles: Okay, I guess I'm not worth introducing to your truck.

Jake: Thank you, okay, so I break the back window, make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing lookout by the front door-
Charles: [French accent] Oui, oui.
Jake: Smoking a cigarette. Check it: Ash.
Charles: [French accent] Ooh la la. Okay, so I am smoking.
Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: Oh, Jacques rolls his own cigarettes, a habit he picked up from a prostitute in Marseille, but that is not all he picked up.
Jake: Why do all your characters get STDs?
Charles: [normal voice] Because they're living life!

Charles: And I'm sorry I said you'll never be a dad. You will be, and you can make it happen tonight. Just go to Amy and make sure afterwards that she holds her knees to her chest for at least-
Jake: All right, I think I'm good on this.

Charles: Bone broth! It's an old Boyle family recipe. I drink it after every workout, and I'm never sore.
Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle, I don't think we're maxing out at the same weight at the gym.
Charles: Oh, Terry, they're just numbers. You'll get there.

Amy: Dr. Schwartz, I'm here for my appointment.
Charles: Hello, Cortez. Shabbat Shalom.
Amy: "Shabbat Shalom"?
Charles: I don't know. Jake made me Jewish.

Charles: Truth time. We love your husband. He's a great cop. We will do anything to protect him. And you have incredibly attractive hands.
And you! What are you doing, lying to your wife? Unless you want to end up moving into my ex-wife's new boyfriend's basement with me, you better man up. Don't you ever keep anything from this beautiful woman again.
Seriously, you are beautiful. If he ever lies to you again, you can call me.

Charles: I'm Donald Hoberman Sykes. I wear glasses.

Charles: I can't wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon-feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you.
What am I doing?
Jake: It's okay. I hung up right after "Chucklebunny".
Charles: Help me. I've gone Full Boyle.

Charles: Why do you care so much?
Jake: Okay, first of all, your insinuating voice is way too high. It's creepy.
And second, I don't care. I'm just curious why she would like him.
Charles: Whatever you say. Oh, yeah, I hear it now. I sound like Meryl Streep in Mama Mia.

Charles: Now we just gotta pull his files from records.
Jake: Yep, then we bust him, and we'll be done with plenty of time before Nikolaj wakes up.
Charles: [correcting] Nikolaj.
Jake: Hm? Nikolaj, yeah, I said it.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Not even close. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Almost. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj. I feel like I'm saying it.

Jake: God, I missed this place. Let me just soak it in. Oh, yeah. Stale coffee, finger printing ink, whatever Charles is fermenting in his desk.
Charles: Beans.
Jake: Beans! It's like I never left.

Charles: Okay, the key with dogs is establishing the alpha. Cheddah, dwop it. Pwease dwop it. I'll give you anything you want.
Jake: Oh, Cheddar is the alpha. Didn't expect that.