Rosa: Gina, enough. Boyle needed the bathroom so we told him about it. Just like I told you when you needed it. Leave him alone. He saved my life. Plus, he's pitiful and his life is crap right now.
Charles: Yeah, it is. Thank you, Rosa.

Charles: Okay, the key with dogs is establishing the alpha. Cheddah, dwop it. Pwease dwop it. I'll give you anything you want.
Jake: Oh, Cheddar is the alpha. Didn't expect that.

Charles: You guys have been down here for two hours. What, did you have sex forty times?

Gina: How many times have I smacked you in your face?
Charles: Lost count.
Gina: And you still have no fear of me.
Charles: I'm trying to read your womb vibe.
Gina: Exactly. Knock it off.

Charles: That's right. Boom. Just kicked Santa in the testicles.

Charles: We spent two weeks undercover infiltrating the gym. Gymfiltrating it. I coined that. I think it'll really catch on if more people infiltrated gyms.

Charles: What if we wrap his motorcycle in plastic wrap and melt it with a hair dryer? Little trick I learned in gift basket making class.

Charles: I didn't know it was you. When I jumped in front of those bullets, I didn't know who I was protecting. I just saw a gun and an NYPD vest, and so I dove on instinct.
You've been extra nice to me because you thought I saved your life, but I only did what every good cop would do.
When you finally go out with me, and you will, it'll be because I do things only Charles Boyle will do.

Charles: What you did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex.

Charles: He is so strong but so gentle. He's like an enormous, muscular Ellen DeGeneres.

Charles: Talking to Vivian. We're still trying to figure out if we should move to Canada. It's awful. Thank God, it hasn't affected how much we bathe together.
Rosa: Almost never?
Charles: All the time.

Charles: Why does she want to meet with me? You think our cover's blown?
Amy: I don't know, but, just to be safe, let's review your backstory.
Charles: I went to Yeshiva med school, residency at Mount Sinai, my best friend is Yacob Peralberg, and we share everything with each other.
Amy: Can't imagine that last part coming up, but okay.

Adrian Pimento: Charles, this isn't looking good for you. Anybody else that might have done this? Any enemies?
Charles: Well, my dad's best friend and I have a pretty intense rivalry, but I don't think my aunt would do anything illegal.

Charles: Well, Isabel, your baby's head is the perfect size.
Amy: Oh, thank you, doctor.
Charles: Still gonna hurt when it comes out. Get ready for that.

Charles: Oh, my God, this is a dream come true. I gotta get my phone I gotta film this. Oh, but then I'll miss it. Oh, but I want it forever. Agh, but I should stay in the moment. Ah, but then I'll forget. Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.