Quote from the episode Thanksgiving
Jake: Why do we have to dress up for Thanksgiving? I don't even celebrate that stuff. The whole holiday is based on over-eating. We should be wearing velvet track suits and diapers.
Quote from the episode Greg and Larry
Captain Holt: You've been played, Bob. It was all a ruse. You don't work with Jake Peralta for three years without knowing what the "Funky Cold Medina" is.
Jake: Aw, hell yeah. I asked the guy, "Why you so fly?"
Captain Holt: He said, "Funky Cold Medina".
Both: Funky Cold Medina.
Jake: Zero rehearsal.
Quote from the episode Halloween II
Jake: Fingers has grabbed the package. I didn't mean for that to sound so dirty.
Quote from the episode Defense Rests
Jake: Now they're destroying our technology. This is an invasion!
Quote from the episode Windbreaker City
Jake: It's a regular paintbath.
Charles: Like bubblebath.
Jake: No like bloodbath.
Quote from the episode Sabotage
Jake: Fine, you can see my bank records. But I always pay my power bill. Often late. One time in person with Canadian pennies.
Quote from the episode Old School
Jimmy Brogan: Well maybe you should learn to handle your brown.
Jake: Eww.
Quote from the episode Thanksgiving
Jake: Hey there, criminal. It's me, Johnny Law.
Quote from the episode Christmas
Jake: Okay, I see what you're doing. "Tushie".
Captain Holt: It's touche.
Jake: Well, I'm in charge and I say it's tushie.
Quote from the episode Christmas
Jake: Hey, when this is all over, we should take a train trip together. Just for fun.
Quote from the episode Christmas
Jake: A safe house watching safe house is a safe safe house house.
Quote from the episode Operation Broken Feather
Captain Holt: Brief me on the hotel robberies.
Jake: Helpful hint to the scientists that program you. Most humans say "Hello" at the beginning of a conversation.
Quote from the episode Full Boyle
Jake: All right, let's go over our disguises. I am Herbet Goffleman from San Diego. I came here to stand in the cold outside The Today Show holding a sign with a misspelled word on it.
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