Rosa: Because I'm physically attracted to him.
Jake: And that's bad?
Rosa: I'm only attracted to creeps: the Vulture, the ShamWow guy, and when I was a kid, I had a major crush on the evil Gremlin.
Jake: Stripe? Are you crazy?
Rosa: Yeah, well I'm not gonna bone Gizmo.
Jake: I would.

Jake: You are Isaac Schwartz, my older Jewish mentor, and you are Isabel Cortez.
You're in for stabbing a man on the subway 46 times in the trachea.
Rosa: Tight.

Sergeant Jeffords: Sorry prison didn't work out.
Rosa: Eh, I'll find another use for that shiv.

Rosa: So Jake's doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing? [to Amy] You did this to him.

Rosa: Look this is a hard fight. But it's an important one. It's good that you convinced her to press charges.
Amy: But she lost the money, and she had to quit the job she loves. That's exactly what you said would happen.
Rosa: But you got the guy who assaulted her. And look over there.
Amy: Keri's coworker?
Rosa: She came forward to report an assault because she was inspired by Keri, which is exactly what you said would happen. Two steps forward, one step back is still one step forward. You wanna take her statement together?
Amy: You know it, sister.
Rosa: Yeah, don't do that.
Amy: We can be different and still have the same cause.

Rosa: So, were you able to cancel my cable?
Captain Holt: Of course. It was easy.
Rosa: Good, because I have something else. I need you to take my dog to Argentina to be with Adrian on his ranch. Now, I know what you're gonna ask me, and the answer is no, I don't have a map of the booby traps, but I can tell you how he thinks.

Rosa: But we agreed to keep our personal and professional lives separate. It is weird enough I am dating your nephew without dragging your husband and dog into it.

Rosa: Boyle, call an ambulance. I'm gonna do some stuff to him.

Captain Holt: Are your bosoms tender?
Rosa: I'm gonna pretend that you didn't just ask me that.

Rosa: I spent the whole night riding my bike, just thinking and riding, riding and thinking. Also, I drank some water from the stream.

Charles: You were never my real star, Sarge. But I needed to create a scene so that Alfonso would think that my mission had failed. Then I could send in-
Rosa: Ricki Sheetz, DJ by night, gun smuggler by later night. Alfonso started telling me about all the crazy crap you guys pulled in there. He just couldn't stop talking till he gave me the name of his supplier.

Captain Holt: Hey. What are you all doing here?
Rosa: Amy broke everything and got us kicked out of the bar. Then, we got attacked by rats. It's the best Thanksgiving ever.

Rosa: It's whack, and you know it! Their number one crime is tricycle theft. There's a bakery attached to the precinct.

Rosa: What are they gonna find in one day? Face it, man, we are going to jail.
We might as well start hiding razor blades under our tongues. Here. You can have one of mine.
Jake: How long has that been in there?
Rosa: Since grade school.
Jake: Yeah, that checks out.

Rosa: Why won't you print? Ah, screw this.
Jake: No, no, no, no! Not again! What is going on here?
Rosa: Stupid printer won't print out my stupid resume which means I can't send it to any decent stupid precincts when this stupid place shuts down.
Jake: That's not gonna happen. Why are you being such a Gloomy Gus?
Rosa: I'm a Realistic Randy.
Jake: Didn't go with Rosa, huh?