Captain Holt: Come in, Diaz.
Rosa: How'd you know it was me?
Captain Holt: The restrained knock. Everyone else in this office plays my door like it's a marimba. The other day, Jeffords gave it three taps and two raps.
Rosa: Was he drunk?
Captain Holt: One can only assume.

Rosa: Yo. You forgot your lunch.
Captain Holt: Oh. Thank you, Diaz.
Amy: Sir, I didn't realize you were still staying at Rosa's. I thought couple's counseling was going well.
Captain Holt: Not anymore. At Kevin's request, I offered to reduce my work hours by 26%. Kevin countered with 50. Which I countered with 30. Then Kevin says 40...
Amy: Seems like a lot of math for therapy.
Captain Holt: That's what Dr. Cheryl said... which is why we fired her, and now we're working with Dr. Ramanujan. He's a physicist with a nice, concrete worldview. Anyway, Kevin refuses to budge from 36%. And I'm starting to worry that I might lose to him.
Amy: You mean lose him.
Captain Holt: No. Lose to him. Therapy is a chess match. And... I will prevail.

Amy: What are you saying out of your weird face?
Rosa: We put the flies near fresh blood, and nothing happened. They didn't react at all.
Captain Holt: Do you know how stupid these accusations sound? Diaz, you're fired.
Rosa: What?
Amy: Dr. Yee is one of the most respected forensic experts in the country.
Captain Holt: For you two - let's not mince words - common fools to suggest that you found the flaw in this brilliant man's-
Dr. Ronald Yee: They're right.

Captain Holt: Look, you have every right not to accept my apology, but at least hear it first. I'm sorry I said Jake was selfish. I'm sorry I ruined your honeymoon. I'm sorry I interrupted your "Die Hard"-themed sexcapades.
Amy: You don't have to list everything; it's cool.

Dr. Ronald Yee: I'm sorry, Detective Diaz. I know it's upsetting when a hunch doesn't pan out.
Captain Holt: Well, it's over. The flies have it. Keep your eyes on the flies. Flies don't lie. Now, that's a good one. Oh, no, it's Santiago's. Damn it.

Rosa: Okay, sir. This app's pretty simple. If you don't like the guy's profile, you click "dang," and if you do, you click "daaang."
Captain Holt: That sounds needlessly confusing.
Rosa: Why? "dang" is bad and "daaang" is good.
Captain Holt: Okay, let's thin this herd. Untucked shirt, no thank you. Born in San Diego, yikes. An adult named Todd? So this is what online dating is like? I didn't realize.
Amy: Realize how good you have it with Kevin?
Captain Holt: No, how it hasn't changed. You still have to pick someone based on looks and hope for a connection later. Oh, Lord, help me. I'm going for it. I'm clicking "dang."
Rosa: No. "Dang" is bad. Click "daaang."
Captain Holt: Why is this so confusing? How do I get Hot Todd back?

Gina: And this gibberish is actually Gina jargon, a world-renowned linguistic system that worked pretty well for Ellen Musk.
Amy: Elon Musk.
Gina: Ellen Musk.
Captain Holt: Season one winner of VH1's "Queen Bitch."

Dr. Ronald Yee: So I understand you have a potential crime scene, and you'd like to find some blood. Well, I've brought along several hundred of my best detectives to help out.
Amy: Oh, my God. I'm starstruck.
Captain Holt: We all are. So what you made you think of using drosophila as a method of searching for blood traces?
Dr. Ronald Yee: Have you ever read Sung Tz'u's textbook, "The Washing Away of Wrongs" from 1235?
Rosa: Nope.
Amy: Yes.
Captain Holt: Which edition?

Captain Holt: Why is everyone gathered around the radio? Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system?

Captain Holt: Well, this is a total waste of time.
Sergeant Jeffords: Sure, but you can still have fun, even if you're wasting time.
Captain Holt: That's absurd. Productivity is what makes things fun. That's why humans go to work.
Sergeant Jeffords: It is?

Amy: But this is our bar, and it has been forever.
Captain Holt: Change is a good thing.
Rosa: Just yesterday, you were ranting about the Philharmonic adding a second piccolo.
Captain Holt: It's too many! It'll muddle the sound!
Rosa: I'm sorry I brought it up.

Captain Holt: When I heard that, I was shaken to my core. I thought this bar was beneath me, but what was actually beneath me was my own behavior. I had turned my back on-
Charles: Holt! We do not have time for this. Just drinky, drinky!
Captain Holt: Hank, bring me a Charbonnay.

Amy: Guys, there's no way we can win. There's nine of them and six of us.
Captain Holt: Five of you. I'm going home. Although perhaps I'll stop at Bel Vino on the way, have a glass of Sancerre. Might even try the quince paste if I'm feeling naughty.

Rosa: Damn, sir, you took that Charbonnay to the house. How you feeling?
Captain Holt: Let me take stock. My equilibrium is askew, my vision is partially impaired, and I'm clearly slurring my words. To put a fine point on it, your boy is turnt.

Captain Holt: It was a good game though for a dumbass.
Gina: Okay, you're kinda overusing that one. Maybe switch it up a little bit.
Captain Holt: Oh, good note. You dick.
Gina: That landed good.