Rosa: Hey, can you guys keep it down? Need a roof on this thing. Gina, I need a roof.
Gina: Emily.
Emily: On it.

Amy: Look, when Jake was in witness protection, and I didn't know when he was ever coming back, you were always there when I needed to vent. So I'll do your paperwork, and if you ever want company on that bench, I'm there.
Rosa: Thanks. I would advise against it though. If he does come back, things are gonna get real raunchy, real fast. Like, do a lot of licking, that's probably indecent exposure... I don't want to get...
Amy: Okay, got it. You know what I'll just start with this stack right here. Thanks, Rosa, okay, good talk.

Rosa: I have eyes on Kristy, Stacey, and Claudia.
Amy: You used their code names. You read the plans, addenda and all!
Rosa: Damn right, I did. I told you, I'm all in.
Amy: And you didn't make fun of me for basing it all on "The Baby-Sitters Club".
Rosa: And I even did your suggested reading of "Kristy's Big Day".
Amy: You did?
Rosa: Calm down. You're such a Mary Anne.
Amy: I am! It's true!

Adrian Pimento: And we want it to be beautiful, and lush, and romantic, just like a Nancy Meyers movie.
Rosa: She's our favorite director.
Jake: Aw. I love "You've Got Mail".
Rosa: That's Nora Ephron, you idiot.

Amy: Okay, Rosa. You go to the office, have a couple bellinis, and just relax.
Rosa: What's a Bellini?
Amy: Peach juice and champagne.
Rosa: Peach juice and champagne? What am I, six?
Amy: [sighs] Come on, just try it. It's what Nancy Meyers would drink.
Rosa: Fine. For Nancy.

Charles: Sorry I'm late, guys. Had to get my ax sharpened.
Rosa: Why do you have an ax? Also, nice ax.

Rosa: So the foot massage place reported $7 million in profit last year. To make that much, they'd have to massage 100 feet an hour, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the entire year.

Sergeant Jeffords: I hate to say this, but I think we should withdraw from the competition.
Rosa: Smart, then we can sit in the audience and throw batteries at those MTA-holes.

Captain Holt: Oh, looks like the auditor is here.
Rosa: Isn't that Teddy, Amy's ex-boyfriend?
Amy: Yep.
Rosa: Jake, didn't you break them up?
Jake: Yep.
Rosa: Amy, didn't you tell him to his face he was the most boring man alive?
Amy: Yep.
Rosa: This is gonna be awkward.
Both: Yep.
Rosa: We had a good run.

Rosa: This is on you, Boyle. You couldn't just suck it up and let a few dozen crazed rats eat you until their hearts exploded?

Jake: Who else can we call?
Amy: I'm already ahead of you. Calling Rosa.
Rosa: Make 'em go to bed.
Amy: It's 6:30 p.m. They're not tired.
Rosa: Make. Them.

Rosa: Let's draw from a wide variety of sources, anything from Cameron Diaz's kitchen in "The Holiday," to Kate Winslet's kitchen in "The Holiday."
Sergeant Jeffords: Is that such a huge range?
Rosa: Why would Iris and Amanda swap houses if they had the same damn kitchen?
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, good point. Open concept, Nancy Meyers-style kitchen.

Jake: So not sure if Paxton told you, but we brought a perp in earlier.
Rosa: Good-looking guy, weird energy.

Rosa: I'm here! Sorry, traffic was a nightmare coming back from Philadelphia, cheesesteak restaurant. They do breakfast. It checks out.

Amy: Ooh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You want to see me, sarge?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. I know we're all sort of crammed together in here, but we were kind of thinking that your uniformed officers are, uh, causing some problems.
Amy: Oh? Like what?
Sergeant Jeffords: How do I put this tactfully?
Rosa: Your squad turned the kitchen into a cesspool, nastied up the bathroom, and made the elevator smell like a hundred butts.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, thank you for your tact, Diaz.