Rosa: Don't worry about it. Gina had the manual.
Sergeant Jeffords: What? Why didn't she just give it to me?
Rosa: 'Cause she's a rascal.

Amy: I'm surprised you guys even want to come here since you have to take the stairs. I know how much you like sliding on poles.
Rob Dulubnik: We don't like sliding on poles. We do it to save lives. It's dangerous. You can ask my best friend Steve. Oh, no, wait, you can't, actually, because he's dead. Tripped through a pole hole, broke his neck.
Amy: That's horrible.
[Rosa laughs]

Julia Diaz: It's really good to see you, Rosalita.
Rosa: It's good to see you too.
Julia Diaz: What did you do to your hair?
Rosa: Mom!
Julia Diaz: No, no, no, it's very cute, mija.
[Rosa groans]

Rosa: So does this mean we can start keeping personal objects in the office again?
Amy: Yes, on one condition. No one tells Bruce from "Organizers Quarterly."
Rosa: I'm definitely not gonna reach out to Bruce.
Amy: Oh, thank you. You're a good friend.

Rosa: Amy, stop. You've had enough water. I can hear it sloshing around inside you.
Amy: I know, but I still can't pee! I'm too stressed.
Rosa: You need to calm down. You know what helps me relax?
Amy: Kicking stuff?
Rosa: Absolutely. So, what or who do you wanna kick? That guy looks pretty kickable. Hey!

Amy: [gasps] What is Teddy doing here?
Rosa: Teddy?
Teddy: Oh, my gosh, hey Amy.
Rosa: Right, boring ex-boyfriend Teddy. Hey, Teddy.

Rosa: Okay, your contractions are three minutes apart. It's officially time to go to the hospital.
Amy: Not yet.
Rosa: Do you know how thin your cervix is right now? Yeah, I'm worried, so I started reading the book I found on Jake's desk.I do not want to be around when page 53 happens!

Rosa: Looks like you live on the set of Murder, She Wrote.

Amy: You really think you can lie to me?
Rosa: No.
Amy: A-ha! You're lying to me right now. You do think you can lie to me.
Rosa: Yep.
Amy: Wait. Hang on. Was that a lie?
Rosa: I don't know, maybe. All right, see ya.

Amy: Hey, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Pimento. I'm sure he's gonna come back.
Rosa: I'm not even thinking about it anymore. That wasn't even me crying in the bathroom earlier that was someone else with these same boots, but now she's gone.

Rosa: Maybe it's just old person gunk. You know how old people always have that gunk on them.

Rosa: He stared at me for ninety seconds while he ate an entire peach.

Charles: I'm sad. Jason died this morning.
Rosa: I'm sorry. That's terrible. Is he a friend of yours?
Charles: He was my dog.
Rosa: Oh, okay, so no big deal then.

Charles: I have to apply for this apartment. I mean, it just became available. We're the only two people to see it. This is an opportunity you just don't get in New York real estate ever.
Rosa: A woman just died here. Don't be gross and disrespectful. Holy crap, look at all this closet space. I'm applying too.

Rosa: That is nothing. My new desk mate chats.