Quote from Charles in the episode Terry Kitties
Charles: I need a wolf name.
Gina: Yes.
Charles: Virginia Woolf.
Gina: Huh?
Charles: Well, I'm not gonna be her lame husband, Leonard. [sighs] Okay, it's time, Virginia.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Terry Kitties
Captain Holt: Done. Fastest time today by a full two minutes. Whoo, mama!
Quote from Jake in the episode Terry Kitties
Sergeant Jeffords: What up, Jake? Why are these dicks out of their cage?
Jake: I stayed up all night working on your case, and Hans, John, and Nakatomi made for great company. I gave them all Die Hard names.
Quote from Jake in the episode Terry Kitties
Jake: Sarge, this photo was taken in 1996. You told me your guy broke his spine two years before that, so '94. Check out his sneakers. '95 Jordans. They came out a year after the accident. Look at the soles.
Sergeant Jeffords: They're all muddy.
Jake: Which means-
Sergeant Jeffords: That son of a bitch can walk!
Jake: Bingo.
Sergeant Jeffords: Let's go!
Jake: All right. Cat squad, assemble!
Sergeant Jeffords: Leave the cats.
Jake: Okay.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Terry Kitties
Captain Holt: No, the three of us all failed. Apparently our instructor felt we didn't take it seriously enough.
Rosa: But Hitchcock and Scully passed.
Amy: What? How did they defuse bombs better than we did?
Hitchcock: Those were bombs?
Scully: Unbelievable.
Captain Holt: It's a low moment for us all.
Quote from Jake in the episode Terry Kitties
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, after everything you did for me encouraging me, going out on that ledge even though you were scared to tears-
Jake: There was an air conditioner above us. It was dripping water on my eyes. We've been over this.
Quote from Charles in the episode Greg and Larry
Amy: Jake called. We need to get back to New York right now.
Charles: No, no, no, no, no. You can't just leave. We may need some of those contacts in the future. You're gonna go say good-bye, and you're gonna mean it.
Quote from Charles in the episode Greg and Larry
Amy: All right, let's go. Okay, let's go over our exit strategy one more time. Seat 2A is gonna need help with her bags. She has twig arms. So if she blocks us, I play the pregnancy card. And remember, leave our luggage and-
Charles: Roll the dice with lost and found. I know; I've been studying this map you drew on the barf bag for 40 minutes.
Quote from Jake in the episode Greg and Larry
Sergeant Jeffords: Figgis' men are everywhere, and now there's hospital security at all the exits. How are we gonna escape?
Jake: Relax. There's a million ways to get out of a hospital unnoticed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Name one.
Jake: Dress up like babies.
Sergeant Jeffords: What?
Jake: Well, you put me on the spot.
Sergeant Jeffords: Well, you brought it up.
Quote from Jake in the episode Greg and Larry
Jake: All right, here we go. Captain's about to lay into him.
Captain Holt: You need to tell me where the file is.
Bob Annderson: I'm sorry, Ray. I'd rather not.
Jake: Okay, not the dynamic start I wanted, but I'm sure he's just getting warmed up.
Quote from Gina in the episode Greg and Larry
Jake: Did they find Figgis?
Captain Holt: Not yet, but they're confident they will. And when they do, Detective Pimento can come home.
Rosa: Can't wait. I'm gonna eat his face off.
Gina: You guys are so cute.
Quote from Jake in the episode Halloween III
Amy: What do you want, Jake?
Jake: What? Why would you assume that I want anything? What I want is to apologize to my girlfriend, who I hurt.
Amy: It's "whom."
Jake: Why does the word "who" even exist if you're not allowed to say it?
Quote from Jake in the episode Paranoia
Jake: Okay, we need to make my main man Pimento look super murdered, like Tarantino disgusting murdered.
Quote from Jake in the episode The Funeral
Jake: Well, well. If it isn't Captain Raymond Jacob Holt. Great to see you back at the Nine-Nine, sir.
Captain Holt: Yes.
Jake: There it is, that classic Jake/Holt banter. Zingers just flying around. It's like you never left.
Captain Holt: No, I most definitely left.
Quote from Jake in the episode The Funeral
Jake: Well, looks like somebody's got a bad case of the funeral crankies.
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