Captain Holt: Listen, I don't want to see your career derailed because you were besmirched for reporting on another officer.
Sergeant Jeffords: But what he did was wrong. He should be besmirched!
Captain Holt: Yes, but is that besmirching worth the greater besmirching of your career? You have to balance besmirchings.

Captain Holt: There's politics to being a cop.
Sergeant Jeffords: But I wasn't harassed for being a cop. I was harassed as a black man.
Captain Holt: I'm not saying do nothing. I'm saying the most powerful action you can take is to rise through the ranks so that you can make large-scale changes. I've had to pick my battles, and it hasn't always been easy, but now I have my own precinct, a precinct whose officers would never do to you what Officer Maldack did.
Sergeant Jeffords: I understand what you're saying, but-
Captain Holt: Shh. I hear Margo's squeaky shoes in the hallway. One guess as to where in Arizona she brought them. Scottsdale.

Margo: Oh, Ray, there you are. I'm about to start my Scottsdale slideshow. It has all the highlights.
Captain Holt: There are no highlights in Scottsdale, Margo.
Margo: That's what you think, Raymond.
Captain Holt: [breathing deeply]

Jake: Hey, Sarge? Everything okay? Only ask 'cause you haven't moved in the last 58 minutes.
Sergeant Jeffords: He doesn't want me to file the complaint.
Jake: Well, of course Officer Maldack doesn't want you to file the complaint. He's the one being complained about. I just realized you meant Captain Holt.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah.
Rosa: What? Did you mess up the grammar or something?
Amy: Did you dangle a participle? Ugh, Terry, Holt hates a dangler.

Rosa: Are you two sure you should be babysitting? You seemed real freaked when you called me last night.
Amy: Yes, but then we figured out how to be good parents. TV and cake.
Jake: TV and cake were my parents. [Jake chuckles and then starts to look sad]
Amy: It's okay.

Jake: Well, look. Captain Holt cares about you more than anything. I'm sure he's got a good reason. Maybe you should go talk to him about it, you know? Go to his house.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm gonna do that.
Charles: And while you're talking to him, Jake and Amy can babysit your kids.
Unless they're too busy making babies of their own. Shaka-daka-dow.
Jake: Get out of us.

Sergeant Jeffords: Officer Maldack. Thanks for coming.
Officer Maldack: Hey. I'm really glad you set this up. I'm so sorry for what happened.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh. Wow. I am really happy to hear that. I was thinking this conversation was gonna go a lot differently.
Officer Maldack: No, no. It was an honest mistake. I mean, if I had known you were a cop, I never would've treated you that way.
Sergeant Jeffords: So you're sorry for not knowing I was a cop sooner?
Officer Maldack: Yeah.
Sergeant Jeffords: And that's it?
Officer Maldack: Yeah.
Sergeant Jeffords: But you shouldn't have treated me that way whether I was a cop or not.
Officer Maldack: What do you mean?
Sergeant Jeffords: I was just walking down the street. There's nothing suspicious or illegal about that.
Officer Maldack: Okay, but you and I both know that you don't exactly look like you belong in that neighborhood.
Sergeant Jeffords: I live there.
Officer Maldack: Look. Nine out of ten times I get called to that neighborhood, it's about a guy that looks like you.
Sergeant Jeffords: Were you responding to a call?
Officer Maldack: No, but you're missing the point.
Sergeant Jeffords: No, you're missing the point. I just want you to admit you only stopped me because I'm black and to apologize and say you won't do it again!
Officer Maldack: Hey, look. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you had your badge on you. Next time, don't forget it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, so this is all my fault?
Officer Maldack: I'm not apologizing for doing my job.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not the job, man.

Sergeant Jeffords: I should've known there was no talking to a guy like that. I don't see any other option. I'm submitting an official complaint with Holt.
Amy: I know it might feel weird to report another officer, but it's the right move.
Charles: Holt's gonna eat him for breakfast.
Rosa: Maldack has no idea what's about to hit him.

Jake: Whoa. I can't believe it went down like that.
Rosa: Should we maybe revisit some of our earlier ideas vis-à-vis tires and slashing?

Scully: Hey, Jakey. Yeah, I'd love to chat, but I can't. Hitchcock and I are eating cake for dinner and watching a movie.
Hitchcock: Ask Amy if she wants to come over.
Jake: I'm hanging up.

Amy: Why're you smiling? That was useless.
Jake: Are you kidding me? Hitchcock and Scully just handed us a gem.
[later:]
Amy: Who wants cake?
Cagney and Lacey: Me!
Jake: And who wants to watch "101 Dalmatians" and not ask any hard-to-answer questions about your father and race?
Cagney and Lacey: Me! Me! Me!
Jake: [Jake and Amy high five] A noice.

Jake: Who else can we call?
Amy: I'm already ahead of you. Calling Rosa.
Rosa: Make 'em go to bed.
Amy: It's 6:30 p.m. They're not tired.
Rosa: Make. Them.

Jake: Okay. Hang up. I'll call Gina.
Gina: Ugh. Come on, Jake. Just explain the deep-rooted institutionalized racism that remains pervasive in this country to this day.
Jake: Gina, they're children.
Gina: So put it in a song, Jake. Watch this. [singing] Racism, racism-
Jake: I'm hanging up.
Gina: Racism-
Jake: Gina, I'm hanging up.
Gina: Racism, baby-
Jake: That's a great song. I'm hanging up.

Amy: We call Charles. He's a parent. He'll know what to do.
Jake: Smart.
Charles: Mm. A parental crisis. This is the good stuff right here. You are knee-deep in the thick, rich broth of parenthood.
Jake: Well, that was a nightmare.

Officer Malnack: What're you doing in this neighborhood, buddy?
Sergeant Jeffords: I live here. Listen-
Officer Malnack: Whoa. You need to lower your voice.
Sergeant Jeffords: Lower my voice?
Officer Malnack: You know what? Put your hands on your head. Turn around. Don't make any sudden movements.
Sergeant Jeffords: I didn't do anything. Also, I'm a-
Officer Malnack: Keep talking. See what happens next, huh? Big guy.