Captain Holt: Choosing him is a betrayal of everything I stand for.
Amy: I feel the same way about Kyle D.

Captain Holt: I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.
This one says, "What's up, beaches?" Instead of "bitches" for humor reasons.
Amy: But you hate humor.
Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me.

Jake: Mm-kay. But, how did you end up here in Mexico at the exact same tiny resort as us?
Captain Holt: Gina's been talking up this place up for years.
Jake and Amy: Referral Code GINA30.

Captain Holt: I had no idea you'd be here.
Jake: You know what? It's fine, sir. A lot of people go on their honeymoon with their boss. Nope, I thought if I said it out loud it would normalize it, but it's weird.

Amy: This place is so romantic.
Jake: Yeah, and so intimate.
Captain Holt: Don't worry. I'm not listening to you. I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness.
Jake: Ah, damn it. I just ordered the sea bass.

Amy: Ahh, babe, this is so nice. There are hot stones on our butts for no reason.
Jake: Not on mine. My butt stones keep falling off, because I'm so tense about Holt being here and ruining everything.

Captain Holt: Peralta, Santiago I'm in your room.
Jake: What? How?
Captain Holt: Patio door was open I pushed through the hedge. Tell me, what is it about me that screams loser?
Jake: Yeah, you know, we're kind of in the middle of gettin' massages right now, sir.
Captain Holt: Oh, how thoughtless of me. I'll get down here so you can see my face.
Jake: Oh, no, that's-
Captain Holt: Hello. The question was, what is it about me that screams loser?

Charles: Gina, what the hell?
Gina: New phone, who dis?
Charles: You can't do that in person. It's Charles. Boyle. Your coworker.
Gina: Oh, hey, Charles.

Charles: I just found out that your mom left my dad. They're getting divorced.
Gina: Eh, they had a good run. Fun fact: The average American marriage lasts fewer than two days.
Charles: That's not true.
Gina: It doesn't have to be. It's commentary.

Charles: Well, you know who didn't think it was a good run? My daddy, Lynn Boyle. He's inconsolable.
Gina: Well, I'm sure he'll get over it.
Charles: No, Boyles don't "get over it." It becomes part of us. It lives within us. It eats us out.

Charles: We have to get them back together.
Gina: Pass.
Charles: Well, I'm doing it with or without your help.
Gina: Okay, without.
Charles: Okay, you called my bluff. It has to be with your help. And I'm not taking no for an answer.
Gina: No.
Charles: Okay, you did it again. Why are you like this?
Gina: I don't know.

Rosa: Hey, Sarge, I have a problem, and I would ask Holt, but since he's not back-
Sergeant Jeffords: You came to Top Dog Terry. Smart move. I've been solving problems all day long. [barks]

Rosa: Okay, so you know that meth case I've been working on for the last two months? The Department of Sanitation police want to poach it from me, because the drugs were found in a dumpster. They're saying it's garbage-related.
Sergeant Jeffords: This is an easy one. Tell them to screw off. See? Problem solved. [barks]
Rosa: Yeah, well, I did that, and they threatened to make a formal complaint to the mayor.
Sergeant Jeffords: Then just let them have the case. Problem solved. [barks]
Rosa: Terry, I've been working on it for two months, and those dummies are gonna blow it.
Sergeant Jeffords: Right. Well, you could partner up with sanitation. Problem solved? Woof-woof?
Rosa: Nope. Headquarters won't allow it due to budgetary reasons.
Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Rosa: You know, Captain Holt was writing an instruction manual for his replacement in case he was named commissioner. Maybe he could tell you what to do.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not necessary. Top Dog Terry can make a decision.
Rosa: And what would that be? Does Top Dog Terry want a moment to think about it?
Sergeant Jeffords: Woof-woof.

Jake: Oh, this place is amazing. I've never had sex outside the United States. What are you thinking about?
Amy: Weirdly, the same thing.

Jake: I requested a ridiculous thing, and he's doing it. Quick, think of more stupid stuff we can ask for.
Amy: Grapes. Sorry, I panicked. And I couldn't think of anything.