Jake: You know, now that I'm up here, I realize I don't know how to ride a horse. It's probably pretty self-explanatory, right? Yah! Oh, no! Move! Everyone move, I don't know how to ride a horse!

Jake: Wait, wait, wait, stop! The power's back.
Kayla: Oh, yuck, none of you are cute with the lights fully on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Two can play at that game. Let's talk about your bangs.

Rosa: Okay, your contractions are three minutes apart. It's officially time to go to the hospital.
Amy: Not yet.
Rosa: Do you know how thin your cervix is right now? Yeah, I'm worried, so I started reading the book I found on Jake's desk.I do not want to be around when page 53 happens!

Charles: Guys, this is taking way too long. When she gets back, we have to pedal faster.
Russ: Sorry, I have a gunshot wound in my leg.
Dotty: It didn't even hit bone, you sissy.
Briana: Oh, if you're in pain, here have some of this. It's bubblegum flavored gin.
Russ: I can't. I'm two years sober.
Jake: What? No you're not. You got drunk and crashed into the power plant.
Russ: Yeah, that was a relapse. I fell off the wagon.
Jake: Okay, so you're clearly lying, which means... you planted the bottle of vodka.
Charles: Which means the crash wasn't an accident.
Jake: And you caused the blackout on purpose, why?
Russ: I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank too much and that was... [screams] She's fingering my wound!
Dotty: Tell us what you're up to.
Russ: The banks! We're hitting all the banks on Union.
Charles: Dotty, stop. Please let go.
Jake: Dotty, that's against the law.
Dotty: I am the law.
Jake: What made you like this?

Jake: Thanks for letting us hijack your bachelorette party.
Kayla: Oh, it's what we do. We're, like, so random.
Briana: Yeah, in Red Bank, where we're from, everyone's like, "Uh-oh, here comes trouble."
Kayla: Wait, we have to stop.
Jake: No, no, no... no stopping. Why are we stopping?
Kayla: I lost both my shoes back there. I gotta go find them. [yelps] Update. I still have one shoe on, but I think I broke my ankle. But I'm gonna still try to find the other one.

Rosa: So, listen, I've been timing your contractions.
Amy: What? How? I've been hiding them so well.
Rosa: No, you have not.
[flashback:]
Amy: There's too much radio chatter. Let's try to keep non-emergency communications down to a... [groaning, snaps clipboard] .. minimum.

Amy: Status update: I called in every officer I could. I green-lit double shifts and overtime. We're coordinating with the 9-6 on traffic control. We haven't processed anyone, so there's a backlog of perps on the third floor, and I have to go to the hospital because my water broke.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're having a baby? Amy, this is so wond...
Amy: [screams]
Sergeant Jeffords: We can just catch up after the baby comes.
Amy: [exhales]

Jake: What happened?
Russ: She shot me! She shot me in the leg.
Dotty: You made a sudden motion.
Russ: I sneezed!
Jake: Okay, Dotty, what do you have a gun for?
Dotty: To protect myself. Cops are all wimps now. [mockingly] My wife is having a baby and I have to be there to brush her hair.
Jake: I wasn't gonna brush her hair.
Charles: You weren't?

Captain Holt: Mosey forward, name in lights, butt pop. Comb your hair. Now typing motion, pull it back. Jump forward, pelvic pump.
Sergeant Jeffords: You got it! Now, all we need to do is run it all together and do it at full speed.
Captain Holt: I must say, Jeffords, this dancing is quite distracting. I've completely forgotten that we're trapped here in this death box inspected by Bozo Beverly between clown shows.
Sergeant Jeffords: You know what, sir? I don't think you are thrusting your butt enough before the name in lights.
Captain Holt: Yes, yes. I felt that. God, I love that note. [exhales] Back to the top. I'll count us in. Five, six, seven, eight.

Captain Holt: ♪ Spank that bottom spank that bo... ♪ [lights come on, elevator starts] We will never speak of this again.

Rosa: They're happening every five minutes and they're lasting 20 seconds. Your baby's coming.
Amy: It's still not active labor. Don't worry! I'm not gonna have the baby here and get placenta all over your desk or whatever it is that you're afraid of.
Rosa: Wait, is placenta something that can get all over?
Amy: Actually, technically...
Rosa: You know what, don't answer that, I don't wanna know.

Fireman Curt: Don't worry, fire department's on the job.
Captain Holt: Hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here. We're marked for death!

Dotty: Excuse me, my apartment is on the seventh floor, and the elevator isn't working. I'm getting cold.
Jake: Well, we're headed back to our precinct. There's emergency power if you want to wait there for the lights to come back on.
Charles: I'll get in back.
Dotty: I'm Dorothy, but my friends call me Dotty. Although these days there are fewer and fewer of them.
Jake: Charles? Uh, this is great, Dotty, but we're kind of in a hurry. My wife just went into labor and I want to get there in time for the birth.
Dotty: Why? The only man in the room should be the doctor.
Jake: Okay.
Dotty: All the dad needs to do is to make the money and have a nice, thick belt for when it's time to teach him a lesson.
Russ: My dad hit me with a belt. Soon as I got big enough, I shot him.
Jake: Wow, what a fun group for this, the most important day of my life.

Jake: Ugh, we haven't moved. Why is there so much traffic? Stupid Uber, New York used to be a paradise of open road.
Charles: Try the siren again. [siren blares]
Dotty: In my day, people respected police.
Jake: They respect us; they just have nowhere to go.
Dotty: God knows they won't go back to their own country.
Jake: Dotty, I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.

Charles: This is it. My purpose is clear. I was put on this Earth to get you back in time to see your baby's birth.
Jake: I mean, you're a grown man with your own hopes and dreams.
Charles: My purpose is clear.
Jake: Okay.