Jake: Seriously, it's gonna be fine. We're just gonna have some dinner, eat dessert, play charades, and then talk for half an hour about which of her friends are sick.
Amy: We're gonna play charades? You wait until t-minus two seconds to tell me that?

Amy: Oh, I know this isn't the best time, but we are in your childhood bedroom, and I do have one question: did you have a nose ring in high school?
Jake: Yes. Until it got infected and I almost went blind. Don't tell anyone.
Amy: Cool. It's our secret. Just gonna check my email up high. (holds her phone up over the picture of young Jake) No new messages.

Karen Peralta: You know, I don't think our guest Amy really wants to talk about this, Jake. Can we just move on?
Amy: Yes. Maybe we could talk about someone we all admire: President Jimmy Carter.

Jake: I never told her about it 'cause I didn't want to crush her heart, but now I have to use it. I'm gonna tell my dad if he doesn't do the decent thing and leave my mom again I'm dropping the Sheila bomb.
Amy: Whoa. I know this is a really big deal, but I have to ask. Did you wear this hat in high school?
Jake: Amy!

Sergeant Jeffords: He shouldn't have a pet in the precinct.
Amy: It's a "service animal" that he has made-up reasons.
Brian: I have mild foot pain, okay? Francie helps me with that.
Amy: How?
Brian: Legally, you're not allow - to ask me that.
Amy: Ugh.

Amy: Yeah, but this is too much pressure! Why did you volunteer us for this?
Jake: Because Holt hasn't seen Kevin in, like, months, and I was just thinking if that was me and you, it would make me really sad.
Amy: Oh. That's actually super sweet.
Jake: Plus, there's this big, fat binder full of instructions and rules.
Amy: There's a binder? Why didn't you lead with that, you idiot?
Jake: Oh! How about I just leave you two alone?
Amy: Okay.

Captain Holt: How did you know he was here?
Jake: Well, Cheddar was only chewing up Kevin's stuff. I figured maybe he was acting out because he missed Kevin.
Amy: But the real hero here is the binder. Under "Cheddar," subsection "Walk," subsection "Walks with Kevin," we found this special spot.

Amy: Will there be a grading or point system to see who's best?
Rosa: At saving lives?
Amy: Yes, at saving lives. Saving lives was always implied.

Amy: Hey, Slowpoke. When we get out of here, I'm gonna needlepoint you a pillow that says, "Kapow."
Rosa: Hey, Amy. You suck.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? There's more room on that pillow-
Rosa: Real quick, before you finish: you still suck.
Amy: Argh! I'm working so much harder than you on this trash talk, and I'm the one whose feelings are getting hurt.

Amy: Oh, Terry, we have the thing in the other room. Mm-hmm. Phone.
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah. Meeting. Uh, work. Friend lunch.

Charles: I call to order the meeting of investors in the forthcoming Charles Boyle owned-and-operated food truck venture.
Amy: I know I'm the only investor, but is it cool if I take minutes?
Charles: Yes.

Amy: I love our venue so much.
Jake: Me too. It's like our very own Hogwarts.
Amy: Yes! And I'm Hermione.
Jake: Yes! And I am Snape.
Amy: What?

Jake: Okay, we have to force the She-Vulture, Jean Munhroe, to give us our venue back, so put on your game face, 'cause we're about to stare down the devil.
Amy: Devil can't stare if the devil's got tears in her eyes and blood in her ears.
Jake: Oh, I love your intensity.

Amy: Okay, she's into spring break, bong rips, slurping shots, and crop tops that say "little cutie."
Jake: Noice.
Amy: She is not into nerds, wearing pants, needy guys, monogamy, or feminism, and her quote is, "Whatever happened to 'Girls Gone Wild'?"
Jake: [chuckles] This Valerie sounds like a real pill.

Jake: Now then, let's review our targets, shall we? First we have the Santiagos: Camila and Victor. They are traditional, reserved, and like their daughter, controlling.
Amy: I wouldn't say I'm controlling. I would say I'm Type A. You should write Type A there instead of controlling.
Jake: Vivid example of what we're up against.