Charles: I should've known Maura wouldn't be able to control herself. Strong women, they're just drawn to me. You know, they're all right angles, and I'm nothing but curves.

Charles: I can't figure out what went wrong between our parents. They were so in love.
Gina: Oh, okay, so we're having a conversation?
Charles: No, to get them back together, we need to know what happened. Did your mom tell you?
Gina: Nope.
Charles: Damn it. Okay, let's brainstorm. It could be that my dad is too clingy or too masculine.
Gina: You know what? I'm going to play a game on my phone while you go on this little journey.
Charles: He overshares, he's indecisive, he's always crying.
Gina: Oh, I made it inside the temple.
Charles: He wears a kimono a lot.
Gina: I became a hawk. I have talons.
Charles: Well, he can't keep a secret. He has a clinically loose pelvis.
Gina: Okay, that did break through. I heard "loose pelvis."

Charles: Look, I'm so sorry, but I don't think there's room for a third person on this case. Jake, we should work it solo.
Jake: Whoa, hang on there, Boyle. Let's not be hasty. I mean, Stevie's been tracking Ozerov longer than we have. And three heads are better than two.
Charles: Three's a crowd. Everybody knows that.
Jake: What about in "The Lion King," huh? When Jamone and Purboy became friends with Steemba.
Charles: That's not the names. It's Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa, but I appreciate you trying. It really is a perfect analogy.

Charles: Holt has the plaque. It's hidden in the evidence room in a box marked "Cold Cases 1972"
Jake: Thanks, bud. We will always be best friends.
Charles: You hear that, Bill? Nobody likes you!

Charles: Why does she want to meet with me? You think our cover's blown?
Amy: I don't know, but, just to be safe, let's review your backstory.
Charles: I went to Yeshiva med school, residency at Mount Sinai, my best friend is Yacob Peralberg, and we share everything with each other.
Amy: Can't imagine that last part coming up, but okay.

Jake: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we listen to some sweet stakeout jams?
Charles: Ooh, do you have the satellite radio station "Sedan Rock"?
Stevie: Seriously? Why not just go straight for the Toni Braxton while you're at it?
Charles: Oh, now you're gonna make fun of Toni? Who is this joker?

Sergeant Jeffords: There's no need to stress out. The lawyer's very confident.
Charles: Not good enough. I need to do everything I can to save Jake.
Sergeant Jeffords: Charles, you're falling apart. And that's not helping anyone. You need to get your crap in order.
Charles: Okay, you're right. I'll take a nap. I'll eat. I'll dye my pubes.
Sergeant Jeffords: You can dye all your hair.
Charles: No. There's no time.

Charles: The cheese is amazing. It melts in my mouth and in my hands.

Charles: If anything happens to Jake, I'll never forgive myself. My last words to him were, "No, you're the man."
Sergeant Jeffords: That actually sounds pretty nice, Boyle.
Charles: Nice isn't good enough, Sarge.

Captain Holt: She's making it up. The pregnancy scam was my idea.
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, Amy. Wait, is that true? Did you just lie to me about our baby?
Charles: Yeah, did you lie to us about our baby?

Charles: No, look. Daily News got it right. Yeah."Hero Cop Saves Helpless Buffoon." Oh, no. Am I the buffoon?

Jake: And you want us to just blindly trust Dr. Tate? He's a creepy therapist.
They all are. What kind of profession requires a couch?
Charles: Lots of them. My cousin Pam has a couch in his bird store. Would you call that creepy?
Jake: Yes! Decidedly so.
Charles: You always get upset when I bring up Pam.

Amy: Guys, guys, the marshal gave me good news about Jake.
Charles: Jake's back. Jake's back! Oh, we're not ready. We need gummy worms. We need them now!

Captain Holt: Ding, dong, the Wuntch is dead. Bagels for everyone!
Rosa: So I guess you believe it now.
Captain Holt: Yep. Wanna see the selfies I took?
Rosa: Actually, yes.
Captain Holt: I'll share the album with you.

Charles: Curse this perfect butt.