Jake: I don't have feelings for Amy any more. So, time for me to get out there and spread my -
Charles: legs.
Jake: - wings. Get out there and spread my legs?!
Charles: Well, either way...
Jake: No, not either way. Only wings.

Charles: Okay, no butter-syrup, no talking about Die Hard.
Jake: Okay, I can do that.
Charles: Or Die Hard 2 or Die Hard 3.
Jake: What? Come on. So you just want me to talk about the fourth one?
Charles: There's a fourth one?
Jake: Charles!
Charles: No judging me for not knowing the Die Hard.

Jake: I'm sure she's busy tonight anyway. Taxes are due in eight months.
Detective Dave Majors: Actually, they were due two weeks ago.
Jake: Well, that is a horrible surprise.

Captain Holt: Mr. Shaw, let's just cut to the chase. Never's not just a crater on Mars. Of course, it is a crater on Mars.

Teddy: No, actually, I think you should stay, so we can all talk about the real reason there's a problem in my relationship with Amy, which is you, Jake.
Jake: Buh... what now, huh?
Teddy: About how you told her that you liked her before you went undercover.
Sophia: You liked Amy? Um...
Jake: I did, but that was many moons ago.
Teddy: Was it? 'cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and every time you would, she would get "confused," and then our relationship would get "out of sync," and if you ask me, I think it's because Amy liked you back.
Jake: Did you?
Amy: Maybe. Yes. A little. I mean, I was confused. And I really need my laptop right now.

Captain Holt: Bingpot!

Jake: Bing...pot! Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better, but then it was too late, I was half way through the word.
Charles: Bingpot works. It's taking off.
Jake: It's taking off.

Captain Holt: I am sorry for getting so emotional.
Jake: Pretty consistent tone, actually.
Captain Holt: These have been the - These have been the best years of my career.
Jake: Oh no, this is new.
Captain Holt: And I know that everyone of you gave me everything you had. And I will never forget it.
Jake: Go back to being Robo-Captain.
Captain Holt: Meep-morp. Zeep. Dismissed.

Sergeant Jeffords: Here's my desk. You can tell by the framed two-hundred piece puzzle my three-year-olds put together on their own.
School Administrator: That's very advanced, Sergeant Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Is it? I wouldn't know what milestones are impressive to a school's admissions officer. They can count to twenty in English and Mandarin.

Jake: Oh man, look at the captain. He's pacing slowly. For him that's like a full on rage-fuelled freak out.
Charles: The only thing worse is when he stands perfectly still. Oh no, he's standing perfectly still.

Jake: I've been planning this this theft for three months.
Captain Holt: I know, but I've been planning it for a year. Last Halloween, after you won the bet, I went back to my office to do everyone's paperwork, but I did no paperwork. I started to plot my revenge. I began by creating a word cloud.

Madeline Wuntch: For meritorious service, the NYPD bestows this award on detectives Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, and Captain... Raymond Holt. Raymond.
Captain Holt: Madeline.
Madeline Wuntch: You won. Go ahead and gloat, you toad.

Rosa: And hey, you should never worry about your kids. You're the best dad I know. Cagney and Lacey are gonna grow up great.
Sergeant Jeffords: You think so?
Rosa: 100%.
Sergeant Jeffords: You're right. They're gonna be twin presidents. They'll either run as one person and trick everyone, or they'll run as two and they'll serve for sixteen consecutive years. It's a damned dynasty.

Gina: First off, I would like to remind you all about several notable men from my past. The rock-climbing backpacker, the underwear model, the guy who looked like Tywin Lannister. I bring these men to mind so you can appreciate this dalliance for what it was, an outlier. I will now take questions.
Hitchcock: How was the sex?
Gina: Gross.
Hitchcock: The sex was gross, or I'm gross?
Gina: You're gross. The sex was adequate.
Rosa: How many times did you do it?
Gina: 16 and a third. Don't ask, can't explain.
Charles: I have a question. Do you have any regrets?
Gina: No. It was pretty fun. Thank you so much for coming out today.

Gina: Can I have everyone's attention, please. Charles Boyle and I had sex.
Sergeant Jeffords: What the hell?
Charles: Gina, what are you doing?
Gina: Amy was right. People will be shocked, and then they'll get over it and we can move on. At least this way, I get to control how it gets out. I'm about to Olivia pope this sitch.